The World Series is over. Football is at the halfway mark. And all 37 fans are busy watching hockey. That means one thing: It's NBA time! (Official NBA motto: "Twice as popular as the NHL - with half the fights!")
It's only a week into the season, and the league is proving once again why it deserves every minute of the seven minutes of coverage it gets on SportsCenter. (Worst job in the country: ESPN producer the day after the Pro Bowl.)
Of course I'm kidding. We love the NBA. Really. And here's why:
Fans are just as likely to get injured as the players are.
Whether it's a 300 pound Shaq careening into a 110 pound woman or Ron Artest punching a drunk guy out, the NBA offers fan endangerment rivaled only by NASCAR.
You don't have to waste time watching the whole game.
Most sports require a 2-3 hour time commitment, but not basketball. Just tune in to the last five minutes (which usually last 30 minutes anyway) and you’ll get all you really need to see.
Real player rivalries.
Players in most sports mute their dislike for each other. Not in the NBA. Led by the Kobe-Shaq feud (the sports world equivalent of the Israeli - Palestinian conflict), you get the sense that at any second a player would love to pop a cap in someone’s ass. If he could find a way to conceal a gun in those shorts.
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Cheering the bench warmer who hits a 3 in garbage time.
Nothing makes white people feel better than cheering on the likes of Mark Madsen for making a basket when the game has already been decided.
The cheerleaders.
NBA cheerleaders play a much bigger role in the game than their NFL counterparts. Because you are closer to the action, you can actually see what they look like, tell which ones are “enhanced,” and play the popular courtside game “Which one is going home with Jack Nicholson tonight?”
The excitement of never really knowing what the rules are.
In most sports, you know what a penalty is. Not in the NBA. Every night, fans are treated to totally random and unique interpretations of the rule book. Traveling, picks, technical fouls are all up to the whim of the official. And his bookie.