What resolutions did you make this year? The usual Eat-healthier-quit smoking-get-my-ass-to-the-gym-and-stop-passing-out-drunk-on-my-friends-floor type stuff?
Those are all noble resolutions. And they’ll make you a better, healthier man. But will they help lead to your ultimate goal: Being more successful with women?
And I don’t just mean “successful” as in going out and conquering entire harems of women. (Unless that’s your goal, then that’s exactly what I mean.) I’m also talking about being even more successful with the women you’re with right now. For that, you’re going to need to make more specific resolutions. So here are the 7 that will keep the phone numbers flowing, the women calling, and your weekends packed.
#1: Resolve to Get Over Your Anxiety of Talking to Beautiful Women.
Don’t try to hide it. We all have it. That nagging fear deep down when we are faced with a beautiful woman. And it doesn’t matter if she’s in a bar and we want to meet her, or she’s a salesperson and we need to see those black wingtips in a size 10. We get anxious and nervous and usually end up saying something stupid or sounding like an insecure idiot. Time to stop that. And it’s a lot easier than you think.
Carlos Xuma, a dating coach who’s written posts here in the past, has one of the best cures I’ve found for beating Beautiful Woman Anxiety. He calls it his “Hit and Run 50.” All you do is walk up and say something complimentary to 50 random women. Women that you have no desire to date. Why? Because the idea is to get used to walking up to a female, saying something that makes her day and makes her smile, then walking away. Without it becoming a full-on conversation, or having to lead to something. (More on that in Resolution #2.) By the time you’re halfway through your 50, you’ll find yourself becoming more and more confident approaching women, and more comfortable when talking to them. And believe me, they’ll notice.
#2: Resolve to Stop Thinking Every Interaction With a Woman Has to Lead to Sex.
Here’s why a lot of us get so nervous talking to women: Because in our minds, every time we talk to a beautiful woman, we feel the need to have it lead to a date, or an invite to tangle the sheets. Otherwise we’ve failed. And we’re not the ladies man we thought we were. Well that’s complete B.S. and it’s time to resolve to get over that.
Most attractive women get hit on, or approached by men, dozens of times per day. That causes their defenses to go up. I call it the Panhandler Syndrome. Even if you are the type willing to give spare change to a panhandler, if you got approached by 15-20 of them every day, you’d do anything to avoid them, no matter how sympathetic you are. Same with women.
The second she thinks that you want this interaction to lead to something, her shields will slam down. And she’ll know by your nervousness, over-eagerness, and any other behavior or body language that is anything but completely at ease and relaxed. And the best way to have that happen is to stop thinking that this conversation has to end with her leaving your place the next morning with her peep-toe pumps in her hand and her bra in her purse. And just like the Hit and Run 50 above, the more you adopt this mindset, the more comfortable you’ll become.
#3: Resolve to Stop Dating Anything That’s Willing.
Just because she’s willing, that doesn’t mean you should be. And don’t hit me with those old cliches about “chicks with low self esteem try harder,” and “crazy pussy is the best pussy.” I can tell you I’ve had my share of crazy, and all it ever got me was drama and headaches. And a lot of annoyed neighbors.
Am I going to tell you that if you settle just because she’s the first girl in a while who said yes, that you’re shortchanging yourself? Yes I am. And it all has to do with realizing your value.
We’ve all met the women with low self esteem. We can spot them in a second in a bar. They’re the ones dressed a little too slutty, with too much makeup, who try just a little too hard to get you to like them. And do we have a lot of respect for these women? Do we highly value them? No. And it’s the same when the roles are reversed. When we try too hard, and are willing to “bow down” to a beautiful woman, or say yes to a less than desirable woman because she’s simply willing, we lose value in their eyes. And the eyes of all the other women watching. And that’ll hurt you in the long run.
You can start by writing down all the characteristics you’re looking for in the ideal woman you want to date. Education level. Personality. Hobbies you want to share… all of it. Then make a list of your deal breakers. “Bitter.” “Jaded.” “Drama Queen.” “Boils Bunnies.” And stick to the women who fit the first list, while jettisoning the women who show deal breaker qualities… No matter what she looks like, or suggests you do to her in the ladies room. Trust me, your life will be a lot easier.
#4: Resolve to Update Your Wardrobe.
Look down. Do your pants have pleats? If so, toss them. If they have pleats and they’re also jeans, burn them. If they’re jorts, you need more help than I can provide in this post.
I’m not saying you need to be a slave to fashion. Pick up a few quality pieces for your wardrobe. Then add to it every so often. Accessories too. A nice watch. A pair of unusual cufflinks. Women notice a guy who knows how to dress himself. And dress himself well.
#5: Resolve to Get Your Bachelor Pad in Order.
Look around. If anything in your place would look perfectly fine in a dorm room, it doesn’t belong in an adult bachelor pad. What’s hanging on your walls? If your answer is “nothing at all,” that’s almost worse than “A Jenna Jameson poster.” Get some decent artwork on the walls. Lose the tweed couch with the stains you found on bulk pickup day. And treat your place as if you expect a woman to drop by at any time. Keep it clean. And smelling fresh. Make sure the bathroom is stocked. And you’ve got extra pillows in the bedroom.
#6: Resolve to Learn to Cook.
I’m not saying you need to be a gourmet chef, but you should definitely have a dish or two in your back pocket that you’ve mastered. And I’m not talking about your slow-cooked bone-sucking ribs or suicidal hot wings. Grab a few food magazines and pick out a couple of female-friendly dishes. (That means no high garlic or onion content, no using your hands to eat it, and nothing high in carbs or fat.)
Then practice making it, until you can do it to perfection while talking to a hot women who happens to be sipping wine in your kitchen. Because “Let me make you my famous Oak Grilled Salmon with Lemon and Dill,” beats the hell out of “So where do you want to go for dinner?”
And when you’re looking for those dishes to get down cold, make sure one of them is perfect for breakfast. So instead of throwing her some coffee and a stale bagel, you can persuade her to stay just a while longer for some Mango-Agave Granola with Greek Yogurt and fresh grapefruit with mint and honey. (Those are actual recipes from Bobby Flay in the Jan/Feb issue of Food TV Magazine.)
#7: Resolve to Be Unique.
The minute she puts you in the “Just Like Every Other Guy” category, you’re dead. Because if every other guy was what she wanted, she’d be with them. So be unique. Be entertaining. Women love to be around a guy who can keep their interest and make them laugh. So learn how to tell an interesting story. (With compelling characters and an actual point.) Stop giving the typical, expected answers in a conversation. Take up an unusual hobby. Become expert in something obscure. Anything that keeps her from thinking you’re just like everyone else.
Shameless plug: You can get more strategies for being successful with women in my new book, “The Art of War for Dating” now available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Borders online, and soon to be in a bookstore near you. Stop reading this immediately, and go buy it.