“Boy, I hope bench seat No. 4 is available – that gives me the best view of the Laker Girls and Dyan Cannon!”

“When the players come off the floor, should I go with the fist bump or the traditional high five? Shit, here they come...”

“Hopefully J.J. Redick and I can sync up our Nintendo DS systems and play NBA Live ’09 during the game.”

“Please don't let Sasha Vujacic to sit next to me – he smells like stale broccoli.”

“Kobe Bryant called me ‘Alan’ the other day – He’s getting closer. I must be making an impact!”

“Since I don’t have to worry about Coach Jackson looking my way, I should be able to get some solid Twittering in tonight.”

“I’ve seen Orlando play quite a bit during my bench days in Charlotte – the Magic are pretty good. You know what else was good? That Charlotte bench. Nice and cozy.”

“Those warm-ups get pretty itchy when you never take them off. Next time I'll just wear my street clothes for maximum comfort.”

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about bawling my eyes out this time. Everyone says we're going to win in six.”