Dear Jesse -

Let me start this off by saying I'm a fan. I've got mad respect for a guy who comes from nothing (not counting your legendary outlaw heritage), says FTW and does shit his way, and builds a multi-million dollar empire. While along the way dating porn stars, and marrying one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood.

Which is why, when my buddy Tony from SoCalGlamourGirls.com emailed me last night with the news that one of his models had been having a year-long affair with you, I thought he was messing with me. Especially after I saw the pics of the (heavily tattooed)other woman, Michelle Bombshell. (Note to Michelle: Nothing personal. Tony tells me you're awesome. But an Academy Award winner? Well, that's a whole 'nother level...)

Then I hit the InterGoogles. And saw that the story was breaking all over the place. Apparently, and allegedly, while your wife was off working on her Oscar-winning performance while filming The Blind Side, you were playing hide the "Vanilla Gorilla" (Michelle's nickname for your tool), back home.

Dude. I know you've got a thing for inked women. And porn stars. And inked porn stars. I'm sure the action in the sheets is off the Freak Factor charts.

But you worked your way from the grease-stained floors of the garage to the polished marble floors of the mansion. Traded overalls for tuxedos. And left behind professional sex toys to score one of the top earning celebs in the world. One with looks AND class.

You made us proud, and gave hope to guys everywhere who never thought they could rise above the streets.

Then you traded a woman with an Oscar on her mantle, for one with a tattoo on her forehead.

So my my only question is: What. The. FUCK?

Fondly,

BG

[Note to readers: In case you're undecided on which side you fall on, famous or freaky, there is a visual comparison of Jesse's girls after the jump. Who ya got?]