Dear Wendi Nix,
Oh, how you captivate us!
No, we don’t really need to watch College Scoreboard Update – we see the scores and highlights all day during the games we’re watching – but every Saturday we find ourselves flipping your show on to tell us everything we already know.
Because, especially since you put on those super-hot spectacles, you’ve become the slutty librarian (or naughty MILF) of our dreams, with the added bonus of hearing how Michigan State scored their third touchdown in that smoky voice of yours.
I can even forgive your screw-ups here and there – yeah, that wasn’t actually Rutgers in those highlights, but who cares? The bun-and-glasses look you’ve got working these days is spectacular.
Erin Andrews? Old news, as far as we’re concerned, Wendi, plus we like our sideline reporters to have at least the pretense of intelligence.
Oh, did we say something naughty? Yes, we will stay after school and write “Bobby Bowden Should Be Fired” 500 times as long as we’re under your four watchful eyes.
In fact, we think the show would be even better if they got rid of Robert Smith (so what if he’s a doctor?) and Todd McShay (merely a fantasy nerd) and just left you to your own devices.
Perhaps you could put your hair down in one segment while discussing how the wind could affect that BC-Maryland game. Or you could tantalizingly hold your glasses with your mouth as you debate who will win the USC-Oregon matchup. Whatever you do is fine with us.
’Till next Saturday,