Remember the old tip-and-strip pens from back in the day? The ones where a bikini-clad hottie, (hot by 70's standards anyway) would end up naked when the pen was tipped into writing position? And guys in brown-checked leisure suits with shaggy pre-mullets and porn mustaches would laugh their asses off? I have an updated version for you.

Blue Ball Sports (perfect) has developed the Putt-Her. Based on the same principle as the tip-and-strip, this regulation sized putter appears to be just like any other standard golf club when sitting upright in your bag. But take it out and drop it into putting position, and a lingerie-wearing beauty will slowly reveal herself. (Insert innuendo about dropping your ball in the hole here.)

They've also got a version that, for you fans of the classics, features a model in a bikini. And for you purists, who argue that women on adult novelty items should only ever appear topless... there's a Jenna Jameson model. Yup. You can now wrap your hands around your favorite porn princess right on the green. (Insert innuendo about Jenna sinking your balls here.)

It's my pick as the best holiday gag-gift for the dads, uncles, bosses, golf buddies, brothers-in-law, etc. on your list. Especially if they still have the 70's porn 'stache.

Bikini and Lingerie versions $59.95 each www.blueballsports.com
Jenna Jameson version $69.95 www.jjputter.com

Raise your hand if you've ever encountered an asshole. Now raise your hand if you've ever been an asshole. Lots of hands. Because there are lots of assholes. I, myself, am a recovering asshole.

Most of us are only assholes some of the time. When the situation warrants. (I can't think of a good one right now, but I'm sure there are a few.) Then there are those guys who are assholes all the time. It's part of their nature. They are Assholes.

A couple of days ago I posted "Why I Am Glad I No Longer Work in Retail", which talked about abuse of retail employees around the holidays. (Which is like the Super Bowl of Assholedom.) After, a reader sent me a link to a post on Guy Kawasaki's blog, How to Change the World, where he reviews a book by Robert Sutton titled The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't. It's a business book, but Kawasaki also describes it as "the definitive guide to understanding, counteracting, and not becoming an asshole." And I'm all for that.

I haven't read the book, but I love the metric Kawasaki cites for recognizing an asshole. It's called the Starbucks Test. And it states that the more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If a guy walks into a Starbucks and orders a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," he's a huge asshole. (And I have newfound respect for Starbucks employees. How they get through a day of taking those orders without laughing in the customer's face is remarkable.)

Another test is Sutton's dirty-dozen list of everyday asshole actions:
1. Personal insults
2. Invading one's personal territory
3. Uninvited personal contact
4. Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal
5. Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult delivery systems
6. Withering email flames
7. Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
8. Public shaming or status degradation rituals
9. Rude interruptions
10. Two-faced attacks
11. Dirty looks
12. Treating people as if they are invisible

Kawasaki also includes in his post a top-ten list that summarizes how to avoid being an asshole. Read it. Please. I'm thinking of taking a job at Starbucks.

The Humpday Giveaway. A mid-week distraction to help get you through till Friday. It's also a way I can let a few guys try some of the products I review here.

This week, 10 readers will win a can of Jig-A-Loo lubricant. Different than the other spray lubricants we've all used for years, Jig-A-Loo is silicone based. It contains no oil, grease, or wax, (which is more than I can say for some of you), so it doesn't drip. Or stain. Which means you can use it, not only on metal, but on wood, plastic, leather and fabric.

Why would you need to unstick fabric? You wouldn't. (Unless you are really, really lazy when it comes to doing laundry). But because Jig-A-Loo is silicone based, it also prevents rust and works as an all-weather protector, helping to repel water off of shoes, boots, jackets, and all your outdoor gear. It can also be sprayed into locks to prevent them from freezing.

Jig-A-Loo has been used for industrial purposes since 1958, and it's been huge among consumers in Canada since the 90's. (Where keeping things from freezing and repelling weather are national pastimes.) It just recently became available in the US.

If you'd like to be one of the 10 who get to give Jig-A-Loo a try, send an email to me at giveaway@thebachelorguy.com. In 50 words or less, tell me what's got you stuck, and why you need it loosened. The most creative emails win.

Stuff you need to know: The winning Jig-A-Loo cans will only be shipped to the 48 continental United States, so you'll need to live there, or have a mailbox there, in order to collect the prize. All emails become property of TheBachelorGuy.com, and the winning entries may be posted on the site and/or in upcoming emails. You must be 18 years or older to win. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Actual mileage may vary.

About $6.50 for a 10.9 oz can. www.jigaloo.com

Nike, the mega shoe/apparel/eyewear/golf/sports equipment company you want to hate, but just can't, has combined two things guys love: Golf and blowing stuff up.

To promote their new, just-barely legal, extra-long driving golf ball, dubbed Juice 312, (apparently after Barry Bonds, a huge golf fan), they have videos of pseudo lab tests posted on their website. In the videos, two lab-coated, goggle wearing "scientists" shoot the balls into things like lava lamps, jello molds, and jars of mayo. You view the explosive results in super slo-mo. And if you play golf like I do, you're used to watching your shots smash things into pieces.

Watch the videos here.

Reader Advisory: Today’s post involves sex. Not overt sex. Or graphic sex. But the act of having sex will be implied. There may also be statements and products offered that could be sexually related. There may also be some sexual innuendo thrown in. (If I can think of anything clever.) If you are ok with that, read on.

There are many “of the month” clubs out there. Wine of the Month… Book of the Month… DVD of the Month… Fruit of the Month… Bored yet? I am. Almost nodded off. And she might too. Don’t get me wrong… these are all nice gifts. To give your coworker. Not the woman you wake up next to once or twice a week. And there comes a time in every relationship when you need to drive past the “nice” gift section, and plow right into “naughty”. Hard.

I’m not talking about ball gags and latex zippered hoods. (Unless she’s into that sort of thing, bless her heart.) I’m talking about romantic gifts. Sexy gifts. Gifts that let her know you think she’s beautiful and turns you on. (And, yeah, I know. Pretty much anything turns us on. But she doesn’t know that. Ok, she knows that. But she’s smart enough to keep it to herself.) I’m talking gifts like aromatherapy candles or massage oils. Maybe something silky thrown in. And a toy or two, if you’re comfortable enough with your manhood.

Let your gift keep on giving (and giving) and enroll her in the Sexy Gift of the Month Club. Every month (and you specify for how long), she’ll receive a package containing items specially chosen to keep that fire burning. Gift options include the Mood Setter, Romantic Surprises, Erotic Adventures, and the Premium Gift Package, for those of you who like a little something extra. She’ll be thanking you deep into the spring. Over and over.

Packages start from $35 per month. www.sexygiftofthemonthclub.com

Mall Santas. Think their job is just sitting on their butt all afternoon, attended to by an army of high school girls in elf costumes, waiting to collect a check? Yeah, me too.

But a recent survey sheds a new (twinkling) light on this red-suited occupation. Members of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas (I swear I did not make that up) were asked about the joys of being Santa. The following are some of the highlights.

The average real-bearded Santa is 59-years-old, 5 feet 10 inches tall and a jolly 257 pounds.
30% have more than 100 kids sit on their lap every day.
More than 60% are coughed or sneezed on up to 10 times per day.
74% have up to 10 kids cry while on their lap each day.
Nearly 90% have their beard pulled all day long to see if it is real.
Almost 50% have up to 10 children try to pull their glasses off each day.
And finally: 34% have been peed on by a child.

Ever been peed on at your job? (Don't answer that.)

I just got sent a report that says verbal abuse by shoppers towards retail employees and call center workers is up dramatically this year. They even have a term for it when the employees go for help after the abuse: Critical Incident Stress Debriefings, or CISDs.

Shoppers struggling with time constraints, family obligations, and expensive shopping lists, are taking out their stress on retail workers. And acute-stress counseling sessions related to customer abuse have more than doubled since 2005.

I served time as an employee in a New York City department store. I can tell you I've seen many a half-crazed soccer mom – who just spent the last four hours dragging three whiny preschoolers all over Manhattan looking for the new Tickle-Me-Elmo – grab a sales clerk by the throat and unleash a torrent of language so profane it would make a dock worker blush.

Holidays are stressful. Holiday shopping is stressful. And believe me, I've been this close to choking the life out of some untrained idiot who can't tell me whether the camera I'm looking at has a digital or an optical zoom. All I'm saying is before you unload on that sales guy, take a deep breath and realize he's probably spent the last 14 hours dealing with more idiots than you could possibly imagine. Don't be another one.

Been to a Starbucks lately? Macchiato. Chai latte with soy. Double decaffeinated half-capp, skinny no whip. You need to spend a year apprenticing under a master barista in Italy just to be able to order intelligently, let alone actually brew some for yourself. (Personally, I think what they've done is genius: Get people hooked on something they can't ever hope of making at home, so they have to come to you to buy it.)

The last time you went out on a date: Did she order coffee after dinner? Or ask to go to a coffee shop after the movies? Chances are she did. Was it even considered that, instead, you both go back to your place for coffee? Probably not, since you and your pal, Mr. Coffee, can only do so much. As far as you know, whipping up an after-dinner cappuccino requires special equipment, a crew of five or six highly trained experts, safety goggles, insulated gloves, and ingredients you have to buy on the black market.

If you’d rather be able to say, “How about we head back to my place for a latte?” then you should check out the Tassimo Hot Beverage System from Braun. We have one in the Bachelor Pad test kitchen, and everyone here is addicted to it now. Part of the reason is how easy it is to use, (you just pop in a “T Disc” of whatever you want, and hit the button), and part is its versatility. It can brew single cups of coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and real espresso, latte and cappuccino… basically anything they have a T Disc for. Each in about a minute. With no measuring, changing of filters, or cleanup needed.

Tassimo even has recipes on its website that give suggestions on how to make unique drink creations, like Candy Bar Hot Chocolate and Glorious Affogato, (basically ice cream drowned in espresso). So now you can invite her back for something she can’t get at any coffee shop.

$129.99 www.tassimo.com

Gift cards are not my first choice for the ideal gift. They don't usually convey, "I spent a lot of time thinking about your gift." Mostly they say, "You like books. Here's $25. Go buy one."

Don't get me wrong. I've given my share of gift cards, and received some that I was thrilled to get. It all depends on the situation and who is doing the giving/receiving. (More on that in a later post, and in my upcoming column for Hooters Magazine. And I'll post that column once it hits the newsstands.) But, there is a little known advantage of buying gift cards that you may not be aware of.

Most restaurants and retailers have gift cards available year-round. But at this time of year, many are offering incentives for purchasing them. They can come in the form of additional gift cards, discounts, or giveaways. And that means your money goes further. In some cases, much further.

For example, some of the larger chain restaurants like TGI Friday's and Bennigan's will give you a $5 dining certificate for every $25 gift card you buy. That's 20% back in your pocket.

Lowe's is offering incentives too, giving away two free tickets to Ben Stiller's new movie, Night at the Museum, with every $100 gift card purchase. Figuring that in some areas a movie ticket runs $10, that's also a 20% kicker. (Although depending on how you feel about Ben Stiller, this may, or may not, be a bargain.)

And there is no law that says you actually have to give the cards as gifts. A buddy of mine takes advantage of these deals every year. He has a couple of restaurants he goes to – and takes clients to – regularly. He buys a few hundred dollars worth of their gift cards, and gets an additional $20-$25 worth for every hundred he spends. He keeps the gift cards and uses them all year long. He looks at it like he's getting 25% off every meal. Not a bad deal.

Check with your local retailers to see what they are offering this holiday.

It's over. You made it through. The family. The travel. The food. Done. (Until next month when you have to do it again. With the added joy of gift giving.) Now you have a fridge full of leftover turkey your aunt made you bring home (because you're looking too thin) and you're not sure you can look at another piece of white meat, let alone try to choke down another bite.

Rather than leave it in there until it turns green and starts to decompose, turn it into something you will eat. Something other than the dry (and quickly getting dryer) slab of roasted poultry it is now.

Turkey salad is the way to go. Other ingredients in the mix will add flavor and moisture. And it's versatile, perfect for any situation. You can throw it on a sub roll with some cranberry sauce for lunch. Or grab some crackers and have it as a snack. Or line a couple of plates with lettuce leaves and top each with a scoop for a quick, healthy dinner she'll love.

BG's What Am I Gonna Do With All This Turkey? Salad

You'll need:
3 cups cooked turkey, chopped
1/2 cup light mayo
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3-4 green onions, chopped
2-3 celery stalks, chopped
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped (optional, but adds color)
Salt and pepper to taste

Put everything in a large mixing bowl, and mix until thoroughly coated. Boom. Done.

This basic recipe is to get you going. If you're feeling adventurous, add some chopped bacon. Or some diced apples with walnuts or pecans. Even grapes work. The idea is to create something different, interesting, and flavorful that you'll actually eat. Because your mother would be very upset if she knew you were wasting food.

Cranberry sauce. Brown gravy. Sweet potato casserole. Some sort of cherry Jell-o mold, with what appears to be fragments of fruit encased inside. Nope, not the menu. That's what's on your shirt at the end of Thanksgiving dinner.

Thanksgiving meals are great, but they are also a brightly colored minefield of foods that, for some reason, seem particularly attracted to your clothes. When you're at a family dinner, or at her family's house for dinner, you don't want to spend the evening with stains on your shirt. (And if you've seen the way food flies when my family sits down to eat, you know there will be stains.)

Here's a solution: While we were at lunch a few weeks ago, a buddy of mine used a Tide to Go stain remover pen to take a tomato sauce stain out of his dress shirt. I sat there, amazed and dumbfounded, looking at him like people looked at David Blaine when he announced he was going to spend a week buried in concrete up to his neck with a cage of live rats over his head. (He didn't really announce that. It's just something I keep hoping for.)

I've been addicted to Tide to Go ever since. I bought a 3-pack, and keep one at work, one in my briefcase, and one at The Pad. It's great on fresh food and drink stains - like ketchup, bbq sauce, coffee, wine - the usual stuff I find down the front of my shirt.

When you're heading to a holiday party, or an important business meeting or job interview, slip one of these pens in your briefcase or pocket. That way everyone will focus on how sloppy the Lions are playing, and not on how sloppy you are.

I paid about $6 for a 3-pack. Available at supermarkets everywhere. www.tidetogo.com

A new survey conducted by the makers of AXE body spray (pseudo-cologne aimed at 18-24 year old guys, who think women like this stuff, and don't know any better) found that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest party nights of the year. (Apparently the 18-24 year olds they spoke to have never heard of New Year's Eve, Fourth of July, or even Halloween.)

Dubbing this phenomenon "Hometown Hump Day" (Hallmark, are you listening?), AXE found that more than half of all singles in that age group plan on going out Thanksgiving Eve, and almost 70% of guys plan on, or hope to, hook up. Almost 70%? Someone needs to check their figures. When's the last time ANY 18-24 year-old guy went out and didn't plan on hooking up? Five bucks says 30% of those surveyed are lying.

Nevertheless, in the interest of helping guys everywhere overcome the challenge of a Hump Day hook-up, AXE has set up a hotline where an expert dishes out no-holds-barred advice to guys 24 hours a day, through the weekend. Who is the expert? I'll ask you: who would be the first person you'd think of to give advice to lovesick 18-24 year-old guys? Exactly. Estelle Harris. The actress who played George Costanza's mom on Seinfeld.

Call 888.AXE.ADVICE and hear Estelle wax poetic on the how's, when's, and where's for hooking up. Tip: Pressing option 2 gets you her insights on three-ways. Both hilarious and very, very disturbing at the same time.

The Grain Foods Foundation, (not to be confused with People for the Ethical Treatment of Twinkies), asked people across the country to send in their recipe for America's Healthy Sandwich Showdown, with the added challenge that it also be great tasting. (Sorry, Tofurkey and Alfalfa Sprouts on Rice Cakes.)

Tracey McCaughey of Ardmore, PA beat out over 1200 other entries with her Grilled Chicken with Pomegranate and Caramelized Onion Reduction and Goat Cheese. (It's much easier to make than it is to say.) Give it a try. Your body, and your taste buds, will thank you.

Grilled Chicken with Pomegranate & Caramelized Onion Reduction and Goat Cheese

4 whole grain Kaiser rolls
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 large onions, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced, about 3 cups
1 1/2 cups pomegranate juice
1/4 cup honey
2 chicken breasts
3 ounces creamy goat cheese
Leaves of 1 romaine heart

1. To make the Pomegranate & Caramelized Onion Reduction: In a medium skillet or saucepan, heat the olive oil until warm and add the onion. Cook onion on med-low heat for about 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally, until caramelized. Add the pomegranate juice and honey, and cook for about 10 minutes until reduced to about 3/4 cup.

2. While sauce is reducing, heat grill pan on medium heat and grill chicken breasts until done, about 10 minutes. Slice each breast in half lengthwise.

3. Open rolls and spread goat cheese evenly on the bottom half of each roll. Place a couple leaves of lettuce on top of the goat cheese and top lettuce with grilled chicken breasts. Spoon pomegranate reduction over chicken breasts and the other half of the Kaiser roll. Top chicken breasts with roll. Serve on a bed of multivitamins.
(I made that last part up.)

Makes four sandwiches

Winter is here. And with the holidays coming, you'll be doing a lot more driving than usual. Through bad weather. In a car packed with food, gifts, family and friends. On highways crammed with idiots. You'll want to make sure your car is prepared. Here are five winterizing tips from NADAguides.com.

1 - Tune Up. It's a good idea to have your car tuned up at the start of the winter. And check for leaks, worn belts, and low fluid levels.

2 - Keep It Cool. Even though it's freezing outside, your car can overheat if it's low on coolant, damaging your engine. In most areas, a 50/50 mix of coolant and water is what you'll want.

3 - See Your Way Clear. Make sure you have plenty of windshield washer fluid to clear the snow, grime and mud spraying up from the car in front of you. Don't go cheap either. Lower cost fluids may freeze more easily.

4 - Stay Full. Running out of gas in the summer may be a pain in the ass, but running out of gas in freezing temps is much more than that. If you get stuck you're gonna want to keep the engine running, and the heat on inside the car.

5 - Think Like a Survivor. Carry a survival kit for those long trips. A good kit will include a compass, a first aid kit, wooden stick matches in a waterproof container, scissors and string/cord, bottled water and non-perishable, high-energy snacks, extra blankets, extra clothing and a battery-powered radio with spare batteries.

For more info and tips, head to www.NADAguides.com

Whether you are headed to someone else's home for the holidays, or have gone completely insane and have decided to host the festivities at your place, chances are you'll be dealing with food in one way or another. And you'll have questions. Last minute questions. Like whether yams and sweet potatoes are the same thing (they aren't), or how long to roast a turkey (depends on how much it weighs, and whether it's stuffed or not. See chart).

Don't panic. There are several numbers you can call, and a real live human expert will talk you down. Keep these numbers nearby for the next couple of weeks.

Meat and Poultry Questions:
• Reynolds Turkey Tips Line: 800.745.4000 (Year-round and 24 hour advice on turkey defrosting, preparation and cooking options. Free recipes.)

• Butterball Turkey Talk-line: 800.323.4848 (Home economists and nutritionists available 6am-6pm M-W; 4am-4pm Thanksgiving Day; 6am-5pm weekdays Friday through Dec. 22nd. Automated assistance after hours.)

• Dial-A-Chef Holiday Hotline: 888.723.4468 (Provided by Shady Brook Farms. 24/7 automated guidance and recipes by famous chefs and winemakers. Through Jan. 1st.)

• Perdue Chicken: 800.473.7383 (For you non-traditionalists. Available weekdays year-round, except the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.

For Side Dish Questions:
• Ocean Spray Consumer Help Line: 800.662.3263 (Everything you ever wanted to know about cranberries.)

• Green Giant Expert Line: 800.400.0127 (The Giant himself is vacationing in the islands for the holidays, but the little elf guy might be available.)

For Dessert Help:
• Betty Crocker: 888.ASK.BETTY (Year-round 7:30am-5:30pm weekdays.)

• Hershey's Consumer Hot Line: 800.468.1714 (Recipes and answers to all your chocolate related questions. M-F 9am-4pm.)

• Nestle Toll House Baking Information Line: 800.637.8537 (Baking help, plus recipes. 10am-6pm, all year.)

• Crisco Pie Hotline: 877.367.7438 (Who doesn't like pie? 8am-8pm until Dec. 31st.)

For All Those Leftovers:
• Campbell's Hotline: 888.4.LEFTOVER (24 hours a day, right after Thanksgiving through Dec. 31st.)

And You'll Need This:
• USDA Hotline: 800.535.4555 / International Food Safety Council: 800.COOK.SMART (Because food poisoning has a way of putting a cramp in your holiday. Pun intended.)

If you are going to be in NYC this holiday season, the folks at Charmin - makers of fine toilet paper products, and whose ads feature bears way too happy to be shitting in the woods - want you to "rest" comfortably while you shop. So, as a gift to stressed New Yorkers and tourists, they have placed 20 free, deluxe, fully-staffed restrooms in and around the Times Square area.

Noble gesture. I grew up in NY and have done more than my share of shopping accompanied by females. And I can tell you, it's bad enough getting dragged all over Manhattan looking for gifts, but nothing can ruin your day more completely than a woman who has to pee so badly her eyeballs are floating, and you become the target of her rage because it's your fault she can't find a toilet seat suitably clean enough for her to sit on.

To solve that problem, Charmin says their attendants will "service each stall after every use." How'd you like that holiday job? Cleaning toilets after thousands of stressed out New Yorkers. Gotta be hazard pay included. (And am I the only person who thinks there's going to be a literal bum-rush of homeless people clamoring to use these facilities?)

Dubbed the "plushest flushes in town", the restrooms were opened with a ceremonial first flush (honestly, this really happened) by none-other than Doris Roberts. She played Ray's mom on "Everybody Loves Raymond." Geez. One minute you're the Emmy-winning star of the top-rated show on TV, the next you're the Grand Marshal of a port-a-potty opening. That's show biz.

The restrooms are open to the public daily from 8am - 11pm, and will close at 6pm Christmas Eve, and all day Christmas. So you late shoppers will have to find alternate locations to relieve yourselves.

Ticketmaster, the people who brought you $200 concert tickets (not including service charge), now make it even easier and more convenient to overpay for live entertainment. They have just launched their first-ever gift card program.

Available in denominations of $25 (for those Kevin Federline fans on your gift list) up to $250, the cards are good for participating events throughout the US. They can be redeemed at select venue box offices, Ticketmaster outlets, Charge-By-Phone, or online at www.ticketmaster.com.

And unlike K-Fed's career, they never expire.

For more info,
or to purchase gift cards,
go to www.ticketmaster.com/giftcards

So I get this email last week, and it has taken me this long to recover from laughing so I can write about it. Apparently Porsche now has a program where owners can buy a custom-made nameplate for the back of their car. So instead of one that says "Carrera", "Boxster" or "Targa", the ever-proud Porsche owner can now make an even bigger statement.

Some of Porsche's suggestions - and I am not making these up - are: "My Seventh", "Thanks Daddy", "Not Leased" and "Follow Me".

All good suggestions. Nonetheless, I decided to include some choices of my own. I polled some of my female friends, and asked them what they thought would be more appropriate words or phrases to have on the back of the typical Porsche. Here are their top five answers:
Number 5: "Poser"
Number 4: "Sugar Daddy"
Tied at number 3: "Pencil Dick" and "Self-Centered Egomaniac Who Cares More About His Damn Car Than Me"
Number 2: "Midlife Crisis"
And, coming in at a strong number 1, the ever popular "Overcompensating"

Available in black, silver, and gold, the plates are created in the same lettering as traditional Porsche nameplates, and cost $450 for up to five letters, and $60 for each additional letter.

If you are a Porsche owner and are still reading this, you can order online at www.nameyourporsche.com

I got an email yesterday that said OfficeMax is sponsoring what is likely to be crowned the World's Largest Rubber Band Ball by Guinness World Records.

I'm not a big follower of Rubber Band Ball Competitions. Not sure if there is a league or anything, operating in small towns across the US - And now, ladies and gentlemen, get up on your feet, and welcome yoooooooooour Altoona Elastics! - but I can see the general interest. Giant rubber band balls are impressive. Especially one that contains 175,000 bands, is over 5 1/2 feet tall and 19 feet around, and weighs about 4,000 pounds.

But here's what caught my eye when I read a little further into the email: Office Max is sponsoring the ball's creator, Steve Milton. Read that again: sponsoring the ball's creator. Sponsoring. As in paying. Steve is being paid by a major corporation to make huge balls out of rubber bands. Now THAT'S impressive. If you can talk a major corp into giving you a check to do something like that, you are a man among men.

Guinness will officially weigh the ball in downtown Chicago on November 21.

You've finally decided to make the jump to digital TV, but have no clue about what to look for, whether to choose LCD, DLP, or plasma, or what size is best for your room. (And, yeah, size matters here.) Buying electronics is confusing enough, but with technology changing every week, you can make yourself nuts trying to make a decision. And with a few grand on the line, you want to make sure you make a sound decision.

When I bought recently, I found it tough to get straight answers. The sales people at the big name stores? Useless. You'd get more accurate answers asking a five year old to explain quantum physics. I asked some friends, and fortunately one had serious knowledge. And I spent hours researching online. As a matter of fact, a recent survey by the Consumer Electronics Association and Yahoo found the average consumer spends 15 hours researching and comparing products online before making a purchase. And to me that sounds low. As the holidays get close, you aren't going to have that kind of time to surf around looking for answers.

I heard that Panasonic is opening up its Plasma Concierge Service to the general public for the holidays. Normally it's only open to HD plasma owners, but they are making it available to anyone who wants expert answers, from a real live human, until December 31.

You can access the service by calling 1-888-777-7134, Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm ET.

Unless you have been in a deep coma for the last couple of weeks, you know that tomorrow is one of the biggest college football games of the season. The number one ranked Ohio State Buckeyes take on the number two ranked Wolverines of Michigan.

This one has all the ingredients of an instant classic: It's one of the longest running rivalries in college sports history, with rabid fans that hate each other with passion (The University of Michigan even issued a travel advisory for fans heading into Ohio.) It's a Number One vs. Number Two match-up that not only gives the winner bragging rights for a year, but also lets them destroy their hated rival's chances for a shot at a national championship. Personally, I think it's better than the Super Bowl.

I'll be with my buddies - who all attended The Ohio State University - cheering on the Buckeyes at The Bru's Room, which will be packed to the rafters with Ohio fans who've been tailgating in the parking lot since 7 or 8 in the morning. Tailgating in the parking lot of a strip center before a college football game? It does not get any better than this in sports.

Like the saying goes, they save the best for last.

The final course we played this week was Kiva Dunes. Rated the #1 golf course in Alabama, and consistently ranked among the finest courses in the country, Kiva lies directly on the Gulf of Mexico, and, with it's signature dunes, winding lakes and wildlife areas, is one of the most beautiful courses I've seen. Notice I didn't say "played". That's because I didn't technically get to play Kiva dunes. While the other guys on the trip got to enjoy nine holes the day before, I had to head back to the house and take care of a work emergency. (Someone miscalculates a deadline, and I have to miss my tee time? Heads are rolling as I type this.)

We were set to play a full 18 yesterday, and a freak thunderstorm ripped through the entire state of Alabama. (I must have pissed off the Golf Gods at some point this week. Could be my swing. I'm not sure.)

Die-hards that we are, we got permission to tee off anyway. We jumped in the carts. With winds whipping off the Gulf. And a light rain stinging our faces. And it was still good.

At least the two-and-a-half holes I got to play were. I was on the par-3 third, looking for my ball in the reeds by a post and rail fence lining the lake, (My ball was still dry. I swear.) when the skies opened up and we took off for shelter.

Most everyone who got to play nine the day before said it was among the best they've played. And when a dozen or so top golf writers tell you a course is incredible, you listen.

For more info on Kiva Dunes head to www.kivadunes.com

And, as I've been telling you all week, to book a great golf trip to the Gulf Coast of Alabama head over to www.golfgulfshores.com. And if you talk to Doug, tell him BG told you.

Tip: When your trip is all about golf, do it right. Get the guys together and rent a house on the beach. Not a hotel room. A house. Hotel rooms are for business trips and nooners. A house is where guys gather after a full day on the links, have a beer, talk golf, play poker, and bust each other's balls. Like the gods intended.

We had 12 golf writers in a beach-front house all week and it would have been a completely different trip if we were all in separate hotel rooms. I felt like I was back in the frat house again. (Except there weren't sorority girls passed out in the corner. And the toilets worked.)

To arrange for your Alabama beach-front house contact Kaiser Realty at www.kaiserrealty.com

Look in your fridge. Right now. Wedged between the half-empty jar of jalapeno gherkins and the 24-pack of longnecks, there is a plate of something with plastic wrap over it. $5 says that you can't remember what the hell it is. $50 says you have no idea when the hell it got there. And double or nothing you toss it out rather then risk an intestinal mutiny for eating it. (Note to readers: This wager is purely for illustration purposes. Do not email me telling me it's a piece of blackened grouper you put in there last Thursday and where-the-hell-is-my-fifty-five-dollars.)

Sure, you could be proactive and write the date it entered your fridge on the plastic wrap with a black Sharpie. But who does that? I only knew one person who was anal enough to do it regularly, and I'm pretty sure it was one of the reasons I broke up with her.

Solution: Timestrip Smart Labels. Peel the backing off this single-use strip, squeeze the bubble on the back, and stick it on your leftovers. (The packaging, not the actual food.) A red line in the time window will let you know how long the food's been in your possession. When the window is full of red, time to toss it.

The strips come in a variety of timelines, from 7 days up to 12 months. And they're perfect for other items like medications, eye drops, wine, whatever. Just slap one on and you'll never have to guess when it's time for it to go. Now if we can just get them to do the same for boy-bands.

www.timestrip.com

After two days, 45 holes of golf, and a dramatically changed view of the state of Alabama, (prior to my trip all I could think was: well, at least it's not Arkansas), a couple of things were going through my mind: 1 - Will my lower back hold out for another round, and 2 - Why isn't Alabama on more guy's lists of golf vacation choices? So far every course played has been better than the one before it. There are no crowds. The weather is ideal. And the hospitality is five-star.

Today I played the 27-hole championship course at Peninsula Golf Club. Sitting alongside Mobile Bay, the three nine-hole courses have a ton of eyeball. Rolling hills, crystal lakes, marsh grass. Like standing in a postcard. The wide fairways, and wide-open feel, draw you in and make it less intimidating for high handicappers. But the holes are still challenging enough to keep die hards coming back. Besides all that, I shot my best round of the week here, instantly making it my new favorite course.

Tip: Bring bug spray. Lots of it. I thought there were badass, aggressive mosquitos in Florida, but these were wearing trucker hats and had rebel flag tattoos.

www.peninsulagolfclub.com
For travel arrangements contact www.golfgulfshores.com

Yesterday we swung through the first of many rounds to be played in Gulf Shores, Alabama. (Source of Gulf Shores civic pride? It's home to the world's smallest Hooters Restaurant. I am proposing a new city motto: "Gulf Shores. Come See Our Tiny Hooters".)

We headed over to Craft Farms Golf Resort to play the only Arnold Palmer designed courses in the state, Cypress Bend and Cotton Creek. To say Arnold designs a great course is like saying Picasso painted some nice pictures.

Arnold laid out Cypress Bend (top) to wind and bend its way thru numerous lakes, sprawling bunkers, and sawgrass lowlands. Cotton Creek's more traditional layout features rolling hills dotted by southern hardwood trees and just enough water to keep it interesting. The sheer beauty of the courses have to be experienced to be believed.

And Craft Farms may be open to the public, but when I walked into the plush clubhouse, I felt like I was crashing a very exclusive members-only club. To top it off, the entire staff takes pride in providing outstanding service and Southern Hospitality. You'll feel like a member even if you're a yankee blogger hacking his way through their courses.

www.CraftFarms.com
For travel arrangements contact www.golfgulfshores.com

There comes a time in every man's life when it's time to take the posters you've had since college off the wall and make the leap to grown-up artwork. (And face it: women over 25 are rarely impressed by your collection of Manga posters.) For some, the transition is tough. Giving up the college decor means facing adulthood. Other guys just can't find anything they'd like to hang in its place. They want something that says "guy", but is still arty enough to say "grown-up guy".

With a collection of over 10,000 campus and athletic images, ReplayPhotos.com can let you decorate your place with art that lets you straddle both worlds. Their photos include some of the most memorable moments in college sports, historical black and white images, and magazine quality shots of campus landmarks from 29 Division I universities.

Didn't go to college? Click the Top Sellers button to see the most popular images sold. Hang a few, mix some drinks, and tell her stories about the good times you spent at the Oval.

www.replayphotos.com

This week I am on a four-day golf trip to Gulf Shores, Alabama. (I know what you're thinking: Golf in Alabama? Are there actual courses, or do they just dig holes in the trailer parks and use the double-wides as hazards? Yes, there are actual courses. And they are spectacular.)

Sunday I played a course just over the Flori-Bama line in Pensacola, FL, called Lost Key. They have since renamed it "Lost Ball" in honor of me. I lost more balls there than the entire eunuch population of ancient Egypt.

The course went through an unwanted remodeling by Hurricane Ivan a couple years ago, when most of the trees that hugged the fairways were blown down. That doesn't make Lost Key any less challenging. Thick patches of scrub brush and reeds surround, line, and otherwise protect, much of the fairways and greens. Hit your shot a little too far to the left or right and you can kiss your balls goodbye. If you're looking for a course to test your shot placement abilities, this is the one.

Key hole: The infamous par 3 13th, pictured.

www.golfgulfshores.com

Secret agents. Double agents. Public relations agents...

If you've been reading my posts the last couple of weeks, you'll notice that I have been getting bombarded with all things Bond. I only posted the two or three things I thought the most interesting. Or funny. (You'd be amazed at the incredible variety of stuff that gets tied-in to a major motion picture release.)

Then I got an email that started: "Bond got it wrong." Ok. I'm listening. It went on to explain that cinema's most famous drinker of martinis "shaken, not stirred" wasn't drinking a martini. And what he was drinking was meant to be stirred, not shaken. Interesting.

Apparently, the email continues, when Bond creator, Ian Fleming, was writing Casino Royale he wanted a unique cocktail for his hero. A fan of the classic martini, made with Plymouth gin, the same English gin used in the original martini, (and, as you are guessing by now, the people who sent me the email), Fleming decided to give it a twist. He added vodka to the mix and dubbed it The Vesper Martini. Why the Vesper? Vesper Lynd is Bond's beautiful assistant/Russian double agent in the book.

To toast with a Vesper Martini of your own you'll need:
3 oz. Plymouth Gin
1 oz. Absolut vodka
1/2 oz. Lillet vermouth

Stir until ice cold.
Impress date with knowledge of martini history.
Serve in chilled martini glass with large, thin slice of lemon peel.
Enjoy.

www.plymouthgin.com

In a tremendous display of patriotism, AmericanFlags.com is offering free American flags to its website visitors in honor of Veteran's Day. Yup. Free.

The flags measure a full 3' x 5' and normally retail on their site for $19.99, plus S&H. Until Nov. 14th, up to 1 million visitors will get these flags for free and pay $5.99 for S&H.

To honor and thank the brave men and women of our armed forces, AmericanFlags.com wants "to make sure that our veterans, our troops and their families see a flag flying on every home in America, and understand the true depth of our gratitude on Veterans Day, and every day." Well said.

Get yours. And fly it proudly.

A buddy of mine sent me a link this morning. It's a video of a French guy named Jean-Yves Blondeau showing off a suit he invented. This suit is covered with 31 wheels that allow Monsieur Blondeau to roll down the streets of France - and transition into any position - at speeds up to 60 mph. (Which, I believe, in the metric system, is about 2700 kph).

The site it came from describes it as "pretty awesome, it's like break dancing, plus roller blading, plus street luge."

All I could think of was: 1 - How do I get one of these? and 2 - Is my insurance paid up?

Thanks to Kyle.
Watch

If the last one in the bag is red, your wish will come true. Orange ones are lucky, brown one's are unlucky. And the green ones make you horny. (Which I found, after spending all my allowance and several hours picking out green ones to give my 8th grade girlfriend, is not true. Although, at the time I did have braces and a mullet, so you never know.)

Since their introduction in 1941, M&M's have been the subject of urban legends, demanded in the dressing rooms of rock stars, shot into space on the Shuttle, and flown as balloons in holiday parades. The "m" printed on the side is a universally recognized marketing icon. As is the tag line, "Melts in your mouth, not in your hands", which has also been parodied to death. (Yeah, like in the title of this post.)

Now you can leverage some of this notoriety for yourself. M&M's has a program called "My M&M's" where you can print two lines of custom text, up to eight characters each, right on the candy coating. You also get to choose two of 17 candy colors and customized packaging.

Need a holiday gift for your business clients? Have your company logo printed in place of the "m". Want to make an impression on a special someone? Have a custom message printed just for her. Or give a bag as a highly personalized gift for a holiday party host. Let your imagination run wild. Mine is. Now if I can just track down my 8th grade girlfriend.

From $11.50 per 7 oz. bag. My M&M's

Next Monday, Nov. 13th, GSN - The Network for Games, (I guess "The Gameshow Network" wasn't "edgy" enough), will host a four show marathon of their series, High Stakes Poker.

Running from 8pm - 12am ET, the broadcast is sponsored by Casino Royale, the new James Bond flick. For those of you who haven't read the book, seen the trailers, been to the official website, or been bombarded by countless tie-ins, the movie depicts 007's first mission, which includes a high-stakes poker game at Casino Royale. Hence the title.

GSN's High Stakes Poker is TV's only cash game of poker, where each player must put up a minimum buy-in of $100,000. Unlike other televised poker shows, the players here might have several hundred thousand dollars of their own money riding on the flop. Makes for a hell of a lot more pressure. And pissed off losers.

The marathon will include interviews with the movie's stars, along with behind-the-scenes footage from the film. And, best of all, it's co-hosted by Gabe (Mr. Kotter) Kaplan. I'm all in.

Raise your hand if you have a decorative tissue box cover in your bathroom. Yeah, thought so. Most guys I know don't. You buy tissues. The box is decent. The color sorta matches the walls. And you put it on your counter. Boom. Done.

Almost every woman I know has a decorative tissue box cover. One that matches her soap dish, lotion dispenser, toothbrush holder, toothbrush, towels, toilet paper, decorative wallpaper border... And they are horrified when they go to a guy's place and see a naked tissue box on the counter. Or, worse, when they see a cover that's "tacky". (You guys who have the commemorative NASCAR set know what I'm talking about.)

To help those who may be decoratively challenged, Kleenex is rolling out their new Expressions line. The oval-shaped boxes come in nine vibrant patterns that will please even the most discriminating female guests. Great for your office too.

Kleenex
At stores nationwide.

You live for golf. But you're also a big fan of hoops. You want something that shows your love for both in one functional, yet stylish, product. I haven't seen any basketballs that look like oversized golf balls. Or any backboards made to look like a putting green. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just ahead of my time. But I have seen this: a basketball/golf bag mashup that'll impress a fan of either sport.

The Original Bag Co. teamed up with the NBA to create the NBA Pebble Grain Golf Bag, definitely the most unique golf bag I've seen in a long time. Covered in the same material used for regulation NBA balls, (or, I'm guessing former NBA balls, since they implemented new ones with a synthetic cover this year), the bag is not just all form and no function. It has a 6-way, padded, full-length divider that holds 14 clubs, and has ten pockets for everything from your cell phone to your sunglasses to your balls and gloves. They even included an insulated beverage holder.

And for those of you who can't get enough NBA-ness, you can buy the matching NBA Pebble Grain Golf Head Covers. They are available for your driver, or in a 3-pack for your woods, tastefully topped off with a numbered jersey hangtag.

$149-$199 NBA Pebble Grain Golf Bag
$16.95 Driver cover
$60 3-Pack of wood covers
www.nbastore.com and sporting goods retailers nationwide

This is an open letter to That Guy in the gym last night. You know who you are. You wanted to stand out in the crowd of us mere mortals who were simply trying to get a workout in. This was your stage. And we, your unwilling audience. I want you to know: Yes, we noticed you.

You first grabbed our attention when you began shadow boxing in the mirror. Between sets that included overly dramatic grunting on each rep. Right before you started posing and smiling at yourself approvingly.

Let me assure you of two things: 1 - We know you are a bad ass. I mean, we saw your tribal arm band tattoo and black skull bandana, right? No need to throw random punches and kicks in the air. We weren't planning on messing with a man of your obvious prowess. Or getting near your "stuff".

And, 2 - Yes, we were incredibly impressed with how much weight (iron? tonnage? scrap metal?) you were using (pushing? pumping? throwing around?) during your arm workout. Or, as I'm sure you like to call it, "Feeding the Pythons". We could tell how heavy it was from the loud floor-shaking thud it made when you dropped it repeatedly from waist height.

Rest assured, none of us in there could stop staring at you all night. Guys were dully impressed. Women were swooning. You were the center of attention. So there is no need to repeat this show. Just come in. Make sure you are wearing a cut-off t-shirt so we can see that arm band of yours. Nod. And we'll be impressed. I promise.

The same engineering whizzes at Panasonic that brought us the jaw-dropping, envy-inducing, and yes, massively-overcompensating, 103" plasma TV earlier this year, have done it again. They have unleashed their new 1080p HD LCD Home Theater Projector at the Pre-CES New York Press Preview.

Designed for home theater enthusiasts, (and guys who want to show off), the PT-AE1000U is capable of reproducing movies and TV shows with incredible color accuracy and can project a 100" diagonal image from about five feet from the screen. Yes. 100 inches. Of HD quality picture.

And at an MSRP of $5999, it's a helluva lot more affordable than the $70,000 you'd pay for the 103" plasma. Start planning now - the Super Bowl is only a few months away.

www.panasonic.com/projectors for more details.

As the holidays close in, and airfares go up, a lot of guys are planning on road tripping to see family and friends, rather than fly. As a veteran of several of these trips, I can tell you there are many advantages. You can pack pretty much everything. You don't have to ship any gifts home due to luggage restrictions. And it's perfectly ok to have a dog as your co-pilot.

The only limitations are how long you are willing to sit in traffic, and how much cargo your car will hold. Can't help you with the first one. But I can with the second.

Yakima, makers of great ski and bike racks, have come out with their GetOut Pro. A soft-sided gear pack that attaches to the the side rails or crossbars of your car or SUV, the details are all here. The bottom has a quilted pad so it doesn't scratch your car. The outside is waterproof and made of "Anti Bug" material, making it easy to clean. Inside there is a reflective liner for maximum visibility. The zippers are protected with deep, velcro-secured flaps, and the lid is padded to minimize wind-flap. Speaking of wind-flap: there are also soft strap management tabs to protect your car from buckles whipping against the paint at 70 mph.

With the extra 13 cubic feet of cargo space you get, you can use it to haul all your hunting gear, camping equipment, or that fruitcake grandma made you.

$159 www.yakima.com

One of my favorite movies of all time, a buddy sent me this "preview for Mike Judge's new psychological thriller".

Put down your stapler and watch.

There are two things most people think of when you say "truffles". They either imagine the small, rich, chocolates with the soft center, or they picture the large, ugly, pungent fungus that grows underground. I'm talking about the fungus.

As I type this, foodies world-wide are losing their minds over white Italian truffles. Available only from about mid-October until early December, this incredibly aromatic and earthy truffle is more subtly scented than the black variety.

Found today the same way they were in the 17th century - rooted out by sniffing pigs, and, more recently, dogs - this wildly popular, and hard to find, fungus can cost as much as $145 per ounce.

And, although a truffle looks completely unappetizing in their whole form - and was thought to be manifestations of the devil for a short time during the Middle Ages - it is prized by chefs who shave it over winter meals including pastas, rich soups, and risotto. The flavor it adds has to be tasted to be appreciated. So when heading out to eat this month, look for it on menus and suggest something new for your date to try. (You can leave out the found-under-a-tree-by-a-pig part).

Or, if you are feeling particularly motivated, you can purchase truffles from gourmet distributors online, and make something at home. Just know that the prep and storing of truffles requires some care. Personally, I tend to leave it to the professionals.

A side note: The early Greeks and Romans considered truffles to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Many people agree.

I was in a shoe store this weekend, trying to find a pair of casual, but not too casual, brown shoes. [The ones I have, and love, are apparently "too casual" to wear out to dinner. So says a certain female].

It was bad enough that in the store there were so many pairs of pink, green, yellow, and purple dress shoes for men that it looked like the Muppets exploded. But what I saw next really chapped my ass.

Above-mentioned female and I were looking at some shoes next to a display of belts. The belts were in a variety of bright pastel colors and had large, elaborate, rhinestone-covered buckles in the shape of lizards, coiled snakes, gaters, skulls, whatever, on them.

Salesguy asked if we liked them. Said they were new. Above-mentioned female answered, politely, that they were very nice, but she had too many rhinestone covered belts already. "No, no," says Salesguy, "these belts are for men."

These. Belts. Are. For. Men.

I looked at the display again. Maybe I missed something. Nope. Same as before: pink and red and orange and bright green. With colored rhinestone-encrusted buckles. And more stones frolicking down the leather.

For men? I was dumbfounded. And apparently my expression projected my shock to Salesguy, so he follows with "Oh, yes. And we are selling them like crazy."

Like. Crazy.

Guys. Help me out here. If you can tell me a situation where it is ok for a guy to wear an orange belt with a rhinestone-encrusted gecko on it, tell me. I want to know. Please. [Ok. Maybe a country music video. But even that's pushing it].

I read GQ. I read Esquire. I consider myself pretty knowledgeable and fashion-forward. But this? I'm not buying it. And neither should you.

It's a typical Monday. You're dragging from lack of sleep. Head still ringing from cheering and beering in the stadium. And, as you try to unclog your sinuses from the cold that's coming on, you begin to realize that a game of shirts vs. skins in 40 degree weather was probably not a good idea.

Before you pop a bottle of Vitamin C, drink gallons of hot tea, or down enough chicken soup to fill a kiddie pool, grab a packet of Emergen-C. I've been using it daily for years. One packet mixed in 6 oz. of water has 1000 mg of Vitamin C, 32 minerals and a bunch of B vitamins to help snap you out of the Cocktail Flu.

It comes in a ton of flavors, and is available in formulas made with lycopene for heart health, calcium for bone health, and glucosamine for joint health.

Forget about all the technical stuff about why Vitamin C and minerals work, how the fizzing speeds absorption, or how the Vitamin B complex jump starts your energy. Since women tend to not go for the watery-eye-sniffling-coughing-clammy-skin look, you need it to work. Just know that it does.

$14.95 for a box of 36 packets. www.alacer.com

If, while watching yesterday's running of the New York City Marathon, you were thinking "With a little training I could run that thing", or "How do I meet some of those fitness chicks in shorts?", I found something you'll like.

RUN NYC is a fitness service that offers over 20 guided running tours of the Big Apple, perfect for the runner looking to explore NY on foot or meet new people. Much different than the city's usual chasing-after-the-guy-who-stole-your-wallet run, these routes let you see the parks, bridges, streets and neighborhoods of the city in a way you never could on a tour bus. They'll even create custom routes if there is something particular you'd like to see. And, for you business travelers, it beats running on the hotel treadmill.

The cost is $50 for the first six miles, and $4 per mile for each additional mile (just like a ride in a gypsy cab!), with group discounts available. Included are an NYC RUN T-shirt, discounts at local and national running stores, recovery drink, and digital pics.

www.nycrun.com for more info.

If I have to hear Justin Timberlake warble that he is "bringing sexy back" one more time, I'm going to shave my head, climb a tower, and start shooting strangers.

I'm just saying.

This comes courtesy of The Ultimate Tailgater's Handbook, written by my friends over at TheUltimateTailgater.com.

A classic to keep you warm while you're out tailgating this weekend.







Hot Buttered Rum

4 ounces dark rum
1 tablespoon butter, plus 1 teaspoon for topping
1 teaspoon light brown sugar
Nutmeg
Powdered cloves
Boiling water
Cinnamon sticks

In a large mug combine the rum, 1 tablespoon butter, brown sugar, and a pinch each of the nutmeg and cloves. Add the boiling water to fill the mug, and stir the contents until the sugar has dissolved. Pour into two serving mugs. Garnish with a cinnamon stick and top with the remaining 1 teaspoon butter.

Makes 2 servings.

I saw this on boingboing.net today and thought it was worth sharing.

They write:
Flickr user Daniel W lovingly documents his wonderful Hallowe'en cardboard maze: "Constructed out of cardboard boxes, duct tape, and 300 bolts. The maze spans two rooms and a hallway."

Cardboard maze. 300 bolts. In his house. I don't know whether to applaud the guy, or send help.

More pics here.

Smoking jackets used to be de rigeur if you wanted to look cool. Sinatra had one. So did Dino. And Hef was never seen without his. These days the only people you see wearing them out is sad, old, lounge crawlers, or twenty year-olds trying too hard to be ironic. Hef even switched over to silk pajamas. (Though in his case it may have more to do with spending so much time in bed). Too bad. Guys could use a little extra style once in a while.

Recently, I found a great, updated take on the classic in the Cordarounds Reversible Smoking Jacket. Cordarounds is the San Francisco company that dared to ask the question: how come corduroys are always running vertical?, and then created pants with the fabric running horizontal.

They expanded the line into jackets, and designed the first run with silk brocade fabric as a cool looking liner, nothing else. The founder of the company turned the coat inside out, tried it on, and the Reversible Smoking Jacket was born.

Now the jacket has pockets on both sides, and a signature skull button fastens it when in smoking jacket mode. According to Cordarounds, most guys wear it in regular jacket mode 90% of the time, but love the option of becoming the center of attention at whatever party or bar they are at.

Frank did it his way. Now it's your turn.

$155. www.cordarounds.com

First let me apologize for posting a closeup pic of some guy’s junk. But in the interest of fully appreciating this product, it was warranted.

The guys’ answer to the WonderBra, the Wonderjock, by Sydney, Australia based aussieBum, is designed to “keep everything positioned forward and proudly on display to the world in a larger than normal manner”.

According to aussieBum, the Wonderjock – selling under the sounds-like-a-missle name “Patriot” – was developed in response to “the most requested wish men have made of the company since its inception”. This is backed up by worldwide sales of over 50,000 pairs in 7 days. That's a lot of jacked-up jocks.

Solely in the interest of providing information for you, my beloved readers, I have ordered a pair to try. Again, this is purely scientific. I swear.

Stay tuned.

I think every guy's kitchen needs a fryer. Easy, doctor. I'm not advocating eating yourself into an early coronary. I'm just saying. We're guys. We eat fried foods now and then. Because they taste good. Really good. Chicken, fish, mozzarella cheese, hell even Twinkies taste better fried.

And better to make it at home, where you know what's really in the oil bin. But i've tried several home fryers and none get hot enough to get food really crispy. And nothing sucks more than soggy wings.

T-fal just came out with the Emerilware Fryer this month. So I took a look at it. Mostly because Emeril's name is on it. All his BAMing and kicking stuff up a notch kills me. He's a guy's chef - making big, spicy, guy food.

His fryer looks like someone took an industrial one and shrunk it down to fit your countertop. Brings me back to my "Do you want fries with that?" days.

This thing has a man-sized capacity: it'll hold 3.3 liters of oil and can take over 2.5 lbs. of food. It also has an automatic filtration system that tells you when it's time to change the oil. There's a digital timer too, so your food doesn't get reduced to charcoal. Best of all, it has a professional-grade heating element so you can get your onion rings seriously crispy. And everything but the heating element is dishwasher safe.

And to get you kicking it up a notch at home I'm including Emeril's own recipe for Louisiana Hot Wings. BAM!

$149.99 www.emerilappliances.com

Absolut Vodka and Esquire magazine have teamed up to bring back a little of the old Vegas tradition of themed suites. The two-level, 1380 square foot “Find Your Flavor” suite at Caesars Palace is divided into six areas, each inspired by Absolut flavors, including Mandrin, Raspberri, Vanilia, Ruby Red, Cintron, and Apeach.

Awesome. I miss the old images of Elvis, Frank, Dino and others chilling in the Jungle Room or the Emperor’s Suite. Glad to see someone bringing it back.

My favorite is the the Apeach room, (shown in the top pic), which is made to look like a built-in pool with a “raft” bed in the middle. It’s screaming for a bikini-filled pool party.

For info on the suite head to
www.absolut.com
or to www.caesarspalace.com for reservations.

I'm not sure whether to contact her immediately, or go hide under the bed.
Link

[Link sent in by Chuck H of Tucson, AZ.]

If you see a personal ad that is funny, creative, outrageous, or just plain wrong, email me at hey@thebachelorguy.com

You're on a road trip. You pull over at the Largest Turnip in the Continental US. Your buddy jumps out, runs over, and does something no human being should ever do to a turnip.

You grab your camera, (gotta have good blackmail material for later), and the memory card is full. You don't have your computer with you, so you can't offload any pics. You have a choice: miss this pic opportunity, or quickly scroll through and decide what pic to delete. By the time you do, your buddy is being hauled away by Turnip Security and the moment is lost forever.

No one should ever miss the opportunity to photograph their best friend defiling a large turnip. Or any oversized vegetable for that matter. So, in the interest of ensuring moments like these are not lost forever, I gave The Picture Porter from Digital Foci a try.

It's a compact (5"x2.75"x1"), lightweight (8.6 oz.) and easy-to-carry card reader with a 2 inch full-color screen and a 40GB hard drive. Yup. 40 Gig. That's a ton of photos. Plus it stores and plays videos and music as well.

The Picture Porter worked like a dream right out of the box. Easy to set up, it reads and writes to all the popular card formats. It also functions as an external hard drive for your PC files via its USB. And it comes with video cables so you can view your pics on your TV.

Also great for business use, like trade shows and presentations. Or for viewing evidence at your buddy's arraignment.

From $299 www.digitalfoci.com

Sometimes things just strike me as funny. This is one of those times.

I got a press release today that said Hooters Restaurants is going to be one of the first chains to roll out a program called Pay at the Table. (Full disclosure: I write a column that appears in Hooters Magazine. I'm not technically employed by them, so there shouldn't be any conflict in writing about them. But I do get to go to events sometimes). That last part was just bragging.

This is apparently an effort to combat identity theft – your credit card never leaves your hand, the Hooters Girl comes to you with her Pay@Table device. Great. I’m totally on board. Identity theft is horrible.

Here’s the part that gets me: I have been to many, many Hooters restaurants. I have been to many, many events where there are Hooters Girls. I have gotten to know many of the Girls. (Again, just bragging). I have seen how guys act around them. I have heard what guys say to them.

So: Picture a beautiful girl in a tight tank top with tons of cleavage spilling out, walking up to a table full of beered-up guys and telling them to swipe their card. I’ve gotta figure at least a half dozen idiots a day will lunge at her chest.

Halloween is over, so that can only mean one thing: Anheuser-Busch is rolling out this holiday season’s limited-edition brews. You can read the details on their Mich Celebrate Chocolate, Mich Celebrate Vanilla Oak, and Bud Brewmasters’ Private Reserve here.

I’m thinking great guy gift for your boss, coworkers, poker buddies, doorman, girlfriend’s dad… or just to have on hand for a special toast.

I’m not sure what they were thinking with the bottle designs on the Chocolate and Vanilla Oak, but trust me, it’s what’s inside that counts.