This is the greatest invention never actually invented. I think. Maybe it was. Can't be sure. But I do know I can't find it for sale anywhere.

Originally seen on Gizmodo, it is essentially a steel cylinder filled with cryogen and topped with a rubber cork.

To keep your beer forever cold, you'd lower the coolight (if it existed) into your beer, push the cork onto the neck and drink out of the hole in the cork. A colored LED displays the time and temp. Pure genius.

Now we just need to form a petition to get it into production.

www.yankodesign.com

If you've been to a game this winter you know how cold your ass gets sitting in those plastic stadium chairs for three hours. (You blizzard-braving Broncos fans know what I'm talking about.)

ColdHeat, the people who brought you the cold soldering gun, have developed a cordless heated seat that'll warm your ass for up to six hours on a single charge.

With three temp settings that'll hit 115 degrees Fahrenheit in less than 60 seconds, (insert rump roast joke here), the Heated Seat's long-life, rechargeable battery is good for up to 3,000 hours of use. Or about 1,000 football games. Not counting overtime.

To handle stadium abuse, it's made of tough, rip-stop fabric that's water resistant and easy to clean, (read: beer spills are no problem), and it has a body-conforming, high-quality foam pad to cushion your newly-warmed buns.

$79.95 at Sharper Image www.coldheat.com

There are two common methods for opening a bottle of champagne.

Method 1: Unscrew wire cage. Shake bottle vigorously. Allow cork to pop. Wait for spray to stop. Or not. Pour into mouth.

Perfect if you're in the winning World Series locker room. Not so much for a New Year's Eve party. For that you'll want to employ Method 2.

Here's what you do:
1 -Take the bottle out of the refrigerator or ice bucket.

2 - Using a towel, wipe the excess moisture from the bottle.

3 - Drape the towel over the neck of the bottle, and loosely wrap, covering the cork. (This keeps the cork from knocking a guest unconscious, should it get away from you.)

4 - Holding your thumb over the cork, unscrew the wire cage and remove. (Useless trivia: Almost all wire cages are secured with 6 half twists.)

5 - Holding the cork in place, get a firm grip on the bottom of the bottle. Twist the bottle, not the cork, until you feel the cork start to release. Keep a tight grip on the cork.

6 - The cork should come out with a soft whoosh, not a loud pop. A loud pop means you've let too much air escape. And that's bad. You want to preserve as many bubbles as possible. Plus, women love a guy who can control his pop.

Not everyone's a fan of the bubbly. And there's no law that says you have to toast the New Year with champagne. If you'd rather lift a glass of something else this December 31st, you're not alone.

TheBar.com, a website created by Diageo - the premium drink powerhouse behind brands like Crown Royal, Jose Cuervo, Captain Morgan, and Smirnoff - conducted a survey called Toasts & Tastes. The survey found that with cocktails making a comeback, 33% of adults responding prefer vodka cocktails as an alternative to champagne on New Year's Eve. 24% go for rum drinks. (No word on whether DeVito and Clooney will be requesting Limoncello).

In case you, and some of your guests, would rather ring in the New Year with vodka, here's a great recipe from theBar.com that has some bubble to it:

Vanilla Crush
1.5 oz. Smirnoff Vanilla Vodka
3 oz. lemon-lime soda (like Sprite or 7-Up)
1 splash orange juice

Fill a glass with ice. Add Smirnoff Vanilla Vodka, lemon-lime soda, and orange juice. Stir well.

Going to a New Year's party and can't find a date? Imagine if you could ask any woman in the world, and she'd say yes. Even if you live in your mother's basement and aren't allowed near the Fry-O-Lator at the Chubby Burger. Who would you bring?

Blockbuster recently did a survey where they asked men what female celebrity they'd most like to escort to a New Year's Eve party. Here's the top five:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Halle Berry
4. Reese Witherspoon
5. (tied) Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Oprah Winfrey.

The most surprising thing about the survey results? No, not that Oprah was in the top five. She's the most powerful, interesting woman on the planet, and just from a sheer conversation standpoint, would make a great guest to bring. Just don't get too drunk, and don't let her steer you towards the bedroom.

What surprised me most was how low Angelina was. Below Reese Witherspoon. Nothing against Reese, but show of hands... given the choice between Angelina and Reese, who is taking Reese? Thought so. I'm going to have to attribute her low showing to the Brad Pitt Intimidation Factor.

My top five?
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Jessica Alba
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Halle Berry
5. Jenny McCarthy (Jenny. Nonstop champagne. That's a party.)

Here's your chance to join the ranks of Gonzo Journalist Hunter S. Thompson.

Thompson was a friend of the founders of Flying Dog Brewery in Colorado and wrote their tag line, "Good People Drink Good Beer". In fact, all of the brewery's brands have been named by employees or friends.

Now the brewery is adding to their litter of ales and want you to name it. Enter their contest and you could not only follow in Hunter S. Thompson's footsteps, but you'll win a trip for two to the 2007 Great American Beer Festival. And achieve beer immortality.

Enter by going to www.flyingdogales.com

If you're over 30 hair is getting in your drain. It's a fact of life. For some more than others.

And getting it out of the drain is a pain in the ass like no other. Liquid drain cleaners work sometimes. On some clogs. But not always. What I usually do is stick a wire hanger down there and hope I can either force most of it down or pull most of it up. And I've pulled up some stuff that looks like something Jim Henson coughed up.

Here's something that falls in the damn-I-shoulda-thought-of-that category: a flexible, disposable drain snake with a velcro-tip, called the FlexiSnake.

You know from experience that Velcro will snag almost anything. Just shove this little snake down the drain and yank it back up. Clog fixed.

I like it better than dealing with chemicals. And it doesn't damage pipes like my wire hanger remedy.

$6.95 for a three-pack www.flexisnake.com

New Year's Eve is just a few days away. That means champagne. And nothing loosens up a crowd (read: women) faster than a little bubbly. Whether you'll be drinking it all night, or just for a private midnight toast for two, you'll need to know what, and how much, to get. And what to do once you get it.

Here's five things every guy should know about champagne:


1 - What is Champagne? All champagne is sparkling wine. But not all sparkling wine is champagne. The difference? True champagne is produced in the Champagne region in northeastern France. If it's made in California from champagne grapes it cannot be called "champagne". It is sparkling wine.

When buying a sparkling wine look for the words "methode champenoise", meaning the wine has undergone a second fermentation in the bottle. This is what creates the bubbles. Lesser quality sparkling wines create bubbles by adding carbonation. Just like 7-Up. Enough said.

Most champagne is made as a "cuvee", meaning it's a blend of three kinds of grapes, two reds and a white, usually Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier.

If you see "Blanc de Blancs" on the label that means the champagne is made entirely of white grapes and will have a lighter, more elegant taste. "Blanc de Noirs" means it is a white wine made from red grapes, like Pinot Noir, making the wine more full bodied, and giving it a golden color. "Rose" is made by blending in a little red wine and gives the wine a pink color. (Don't equate this with cheap rose wines. Rose sparkling wines are not lesser in quality.)

2 - What Does "Brut" Mean? The level of sugar in sparkling wine determines if it will be dry or sweet. "Brut" is very dry, and is considered the standard for fine champagne. The scale runs as follows:
Extra Brut (Too dry for most people)
Brut
Extra Dry (Which is not as dry as Brut, so keep that in mind)
Sec (this is where it begins to get sweet)
Demi-Sec (good with dessert and wedding cake)
Doux (could put you in a diabetic coma)

3 - How Much Should I Spend? This is a matter of personal preference. Rappers sing the praises of Crystal, and wouldn't be caught by the paparazzi drinking anything less. But they can afford the $300+ price tag. You, being the middle class warrior you are, need to be more realistic. You can get a great bottle of California sparkling wine - like Mumm Cuvee Napa NV or Roederer Estate Brut NV - for about $20. And when you're buying five or six bottles for a party, that's a helluva lot easier to handle.

4 - How Much Should I Get? Depends on how loose you want your guests. The average bottle serves six glasses. If your party is going all night, figure about a bottle per person. If you're not partying that hard, figure 2-3 glasses, or half a bottle, per person.

Guy at the liquor store trying to talk you into buying a magnum? And you don't know what a "magnum" is? Easy. It's a bottle equivalent to two regular bottles of champagne. If you really want to impress your guests, get a Jeroboam. That big boy is equivalent to four bottles. And women love a guy with a big bottle.

5 - How Do I Serve It? One word: cold. Champagne is meant to be served between 43 and 48 degrees Fahrenheit. Which means you should put it in the fridge for 2-3 hours before the party. Don't have that kind of time? Never put champagne in the freezer. The contents are under pressure and the bottle tends to explode in freezers. And you don't want to pop prematurely. You can chill it in an ice bucket filled with half ice and half water for about a half hour. And if you sprang for the Crystal and don't want the label soaking off in the water before your guests can see how much you spent? Don't worry. Champagne labels are adhered with waterproof glue. The label isn't going anywhere.

Once the bottle is open, (and a detailed explanation of how to open a champagne bottle is coming tomorrow), pour into thin flutes about three quarters full. Never fill the glass to the top. And never use wide, shallow glasses. Flutes preserve the bubbles. And you know how she loves it when the bubble tickle her nose.

Guess what I got for Christmas? Besides the usual assortment of gifts, I got one of the nastiest head colds I have ever had. Sore throat. Headache. Burning eyes. Clogged sinuses. Achy everywhere. Bad.

So I left work early to come home and make my usual "feel better meal" - chicken soup and toast. As I'm waiting for the toast to pop I start thinking about all the toast gadgets I've been pitched lately that are all over the market right now: toasters that make designs in toast, ultra modern hi-tech toasters, I love toast t-shirts...

Maybe I'm just cranky from all the NyQuil cocktails, and the fact that no matter what I eat it feels like I'm swallowing sandpaper balls, but is there really a need for designer toast? Did I miss the memo saying toast is the new Hallmark card?

I can promise you this, you will never hear a story that starts: How did Daddy and I fall in love? Well, Molly, one day your father made me a slice of toast that had "You're Hot" burnt into it...

There is no faster way to involuntary celibacy than serving your chick a slice of toast with a smiley face on it. It's the breakfast food equivalent of wearing Spock ears to bed.

Resist the urge. Keep toast simple.

Since I spent the last couple of days doing my own last minute Christmas shopping, I got a little behind in the shopping tips. Here are the last four tips from the pros over at RomeoShops.

Day 9: Panhandling

You like your porterhouse steak and your plasma TV. You've even treated yourself to a kick ass Audi and hot tub at your pad. So why aren't you getting this quality of gifts each holiday season? You usually get the ties, sweaters, pajama bottoms and the occasional stocking cap.

Outside of some boring clothes and accessories, we know you don't get a ton of gifts that you really want. So this year, be proactive about telling everyone what you really want for Christmas. Whether it's the newest video game for your PS3 or the DVD box set of the Godfather, you need your goods.

You can flip through the latest GQ or Maxim for cool gadgets that can be cut out and taped on to a sheet for each of your friends and relatives. You can also go online and e-mail your wishlist off on sites like Kaboodle and Target, and of course our favorite: JulietShops.com (our new sister site).

Do you need to dock your iPod in the bathroom on your toilet roll dispenser or perhaps get a Swiss Army Knife that has a USB flash drive built it in? Our guys that personally buy for the site all agree that the duct tape wallet and Zagat golf guide are also great finds. Tis the season for giving... and getting!
-- Elise, (with help from Mark and Ben), Gift buyer


Day 10: Pimpin'

So you've got a few women on the side. Carrie is cute but talks in a really annoying voice. Leslie has a hot body and a "butter face"... And there's the occasional booty call with Krista, but that's heading nowhere fast.

But each girl thinks there's more to it, and you certainly don't want to jeopardize the nice setup you have with each one. So what do you do? We suggest a few things: First, make sure that none of them know each other, (we're hoping you've covered this already), because you'd hate to have them run into each other wearing the same bracelet you bought them both.

That leads us to the second point, which is not to buy the same gift for more than one woman. Even if you get something for your mom and girlfriend, it's inevitable that they'll talk and you'll look like a lazy son of a bitch.

Last, you should always match a level of gift price with the level of commitment. It's weird when we get a present from a guy worth a few hundred bucks and we've only gone on a few dates (and gone to third base at best). The same holds true on the other end of the price spectrum- don't buy something cheap for your love of the last 4 years. That would lead either to the doghouse or an impromptu visit with Krista.
-- Michelle, Owner, RomeoShops.com


Day 11: Pride

Your reputation precedes you. Articulate, athletic and very GQ. So how does your gift giving stack up in terms of your personal brand? Are you seen as "thrifty"? Or maybe a little sketchy? Every time you give a gift to anyone (your assistant at work, your brother's wife, the various women in your life), it should reflect a good understanding of her likes as well as a personal touch that reflects your personality.

If you're really into quality and brand, buy her that Bose system for her iPod or a nice Coach purse. If you're known for your style and sophistication, get her a subscription to Wine Spectator and a cashmere robe. If you're a "guy's guy" and like to hike and fish, buy her something that's more low key and casual like a unique scarf set. It's not just WHAT the gift is, but what it says about YOU.
-- Katie, Gift wrapper and professional flirt


Day 12: Party!

You made it. The stress of holiday shopping is complete and now all you need to do is sit back and relax. And of course, consume large amounts of alcohol, turkey, and hang out with family and friends.

Have any other questions about love, life, and the pursuit of women? Stay connected with the women at RomeoShops.com all year round by e-mailing or calling. Happy holidays and enjoy those hottie toddies!!
-- The Crew at Shakespeare Enterprises - Michelle, Elise, Jennie, Katie, Whitney, Mark, Dan, John & Duke

This is what would happen if you took a bunch of bored guys, an endless supply of beer, and locked them in a thrift store for a weekend.

I smell reality show gold. Get Mark Burnett on the phone.

From Funny Town.

Why Michelle hates gift cards...

Day 8: Personalization

Gift cards suck. I know what you're going to say, "But it's just like cash and she loves shopping at The Gap, so it's perfect" or perhaps "It's easy for me and then I won't buy her something she hates".

These are good points, but totally irrelevant when it comes to giving a gift with any real sentiment for a woman. Whether it's your girlfriend, mom, sister or friend, we love the personal touch of getting something really cool and unique from you. Now don't get me wrong, if your other option is to buy something last minute at the local drugstore, please refer back to Day #7 and get her the damn gift card instead.

But you should know the real secret: women totally think this is a cop-out to getting a real gift. Sure, it's like real money and who wouldn't want to spend $50 at Bath and Body Works, but you get even more brownie points if you've scouted out a gift from a cool boutique store or have something custom made to her tastes (a monogramed terry robe is always nice...).

Are we really in the age where the big gift of the year comes wrapped in a credit card-sized envelope with a dollar amount attached?? You can do better. Need some ideas to match the gift to her personality? Answer this questionnaire and a few gifts will pop up that match her personality. Now that's easy.
-- Michelle

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

Here's another tip from Whitney...

Day 7: Procrastination

Admit it, you're that guy who's flailing through the mall on Christmas Eve, trying to find a last minute gift for your girlfriend. Of course, you're like the other 99% of men who are also at the mall looking for last minute gifts. Yep, it's a true sausage fest when you get that close to Christmas Day.

Walgreens happens to be another busy place on Christmas Eve. The real problem is that there is no conceivable way you're going to impress her with a gift from a drugstore. Whether you're reaching for the chocolate covered cherries (with the printed bow on the box, of course) or the Hallmark card, chances are she's going to be way pissed that you didn't put any thought into the process.

Since you have a couple of days to buy a last minute gift, hop online to a few e-tailers that can still do overnight shipping. There's RedEnvelope, Uncommon Goods, and Amazon that will all have some good ideas for last minute gifts.

You can also hop on our site, and we'll gift wrap for free and ship off the same day. Wherever you decide to go, do it now so you don't get stuck standing in line exchanging pleasantries with the other last minute guys at the drugstore. Good luck!! -- Whitney

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

You get cut, you bleed. If you want to keep the blood off your clothes, and dirt out of the cut, you gotta put something on it.

I had an uncle who was in construction. When he cut himself he'd tear off a piece of duct tape to keep that bad boy closed. "Band-aids are for kids," he told me. Then he put his thumb in a plastic bag and drove to the hospital.

Nexcare - in a brilliant move to capture the market of males, aged 18-35, who want to look like injured construction workers - brings us Duct Tape Bandages. Pre-cut and latex free. (For injured construction workers with sensitive skin.)

$3.49 at Drugstore.com

It's been a tough week. Late, last-minute gift hunting in overcrowded, under-stocked, stores. Hundreds of other stressed-out shoppers pushing, shoving and banging into each other. In the parking lot.

The week was spent cramming five days of work into three, so you can take a couple of days off over the holidays. And your family is in town. For two weeks.

You need a drink.

Try the Mission Accomplished. Besides being appropriately named, it's not the typical creamy, noggy "holiday" drinks that have been forced on you lately. Perfect to mix for your girl who's working to fit into her New Year's dress. Or to get her out of it.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
4 oz. vodka
2 oz. Triple Sec
2 splashes lime juice
2 splashes grenadine

Mix the ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake well and serve in an old-fashioned glass.

Recipe reprinted with permission from the book The Daily Cocktail - 365 Intoxicating Drinks and the Outrageous Events that Inspired Them, by Dalyn Miller and Larry Donovan.

Kelsey is back with another tip...

Day 6: Practicality

Practicality - noun: 1. the quality or state of being practical.

This actually describes most of the guys I know. These are guys that own all the right tools for fixing things, grocery shop for the exact items they will be eating during the week, and own cars that either get them from point A to point B in the most fuel efficient way, or the fastest. They do their laundry in big loads.

This is contrast to most women who hang out at the grocery store to find new and "interesting" salad dressings and gossip magazines, and buy cars based solely on color (and if she thought the sales person was "nice"). We prefer heavy stock stationary that we can write long thank you notes, rather than any kind of lined, yellow paper. And we spend hours making sure our clothes are cleaned properly (lingerie and pantyhose are placed in delicate washing bags and washed with lavender scented Woolite to protect those dear thongs).

Clearly, are there major differences between the sexes. All we ask this Christmas, though, is to branch out a bit and buy us something outside the realm of practicality. We don't want the washing machine, vibrating massage chair or electric blanket. We want bling, we want comfy, we want unique. We need to see that you actually listened when we showed you the magazine featuring a cool necklace, or the J Crew catalog with the cozy pajama set.

So this year, step outside your fuel efficient car, in your perfectly practical Carhart jacket, and explore some new gift ideas that we won't need an electrical outlet for.
-- Kelsey

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

Hey. Remember high school? When the good-looking, popular kids wouldn't let you sit at their table? Or talk to them? And you didn't have a prayer of getting a date with any girl even remotely connected to the cheerleading squad?

Well you can relive that humiliating time once again. The popular kids grew up, learned how to program HTML, and started themselves a dating site. And only other good-looking people need apply.

HotEnough.org dispenses with the usual personality profiles and compatibility surveys, and gets right down to it: Is this person hot enough? (Who cares if we like the same kind of music, as long as we're both hot!)

Prospective members must supply three recent photos, one must be a full body shot, (naturally), and HotEnough's staff of expert judges (who all have Ph.D's in Hotology) will rate you on a scale of 1-10. Score lower than an 8 and they send you a virtual wedgie and stuff you into a locker.

Giving someone a car this Christmas? Me either. But ever wonder where those giant bows come from?

You can get them for $48 from KingSizeBows.com. And, for those of us who aren't giving $30,000 gifts this year, you can use them to decorate the front door of your Pad instead.

For those of you who just can't think of what to get her this year...

Today's RomeoShops.com gift giving tip is from Katie.

Day 5: Pacification

Tis the season for brandy soaked egg nog, fun ski trips and Christmas engagements. (Insert record screeching and "what??") I know, it's crazy but I've heard all my girlfriends talking about their beau proposing on the big night. Unfortunately, they aren't talking about a "big" romantic evening or a "big" vacation together, they are actually referring to a Christmas day engagement.

Now, I'm not religious and I'm pretty sure that Christmas is more of a consumer plea to buy a new plasma T.V. rather than an historically significant date, but really... what guy wants to propose on Christmas?

My friend Maggie definitely has the marriage bug. You know the type I'm talking about: incessantly talks about getting married with her girlfriends. And constantly puts her boyfriend on the spot with remarks like “Well, if we ever get married, John and I are going to buy a house right in this neighborhood” and “You know who has a great ring, John? Becky does. It’s like five carats or something. I think I would only need a 2 carat at most, maybe more if it’s going to be an emerald cut...”

Thinking about proposing during the holidays would be caving into this already out of control notion of showiness in marriage. My point is that there is plenty of heavy stuff to deal with during the holidays (your half-lit aunt at Christmas dinner, for instance). If you're in the market for marriage, for God's sake please wait till next year.
-- Katie

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

Everyone's got that one friend. The guy who never has a girlfriend. Or even a date. He sits on the couch watching TV all weekend. Instead of showering and heading out someplace where he might actually meet someone. Then complains to you he can't find a girl.

So, even though you know it's a disaster waiting to happen, you go ahead and fix him up with a girl from your girlfriend's office. And the four of you go to dinner. Awkward? Unless the conversation involves Peyton Manning's passer rating, or what Howard said this morning, he just sits there. Uncomfortably. Staring at his plate. Not exactly the spark to ignite the flames of romance.

You want to help. You try to help. (Only because you're tired of hearing him whine about it.) But nothing you say sinks in.

Apparently there are whole sections in book stores devoted to this sort of thing. Entire "relationship" sections. Filled with advice books. I can't say for sure, because I've never been there myself, but I hear women just flock to them. Lonely and confused. Vulnerable. It's probably a great place to meet someone.

All of that of course, is just an obnoxious way for me to make a point: Men don't read advice books. Women love them. Men hate them. And getting a guy who is having a tough time in the dating world to read one is nearly impossible. Unless it's funny. And has cartoon characters. And uses sports metaphors.

Enter the guys who bring you the nationally syndicated comic strip, "Girls & Sports", and their new book: "Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs. The Girls & Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook." I'd review it for you but after typing in the title, I have no more room left. I will tell you it is a hilarious in-depth collection of strips, charts, graphs, sidebars, guides and advice on everything from the bar scene to dating to parties and more.

Even the most jaded, or clueless, among us can glean plenty of useful advice from its pages. And be entertained at the same time. Stuff a copy in your buddy's stocking. Or just leave it on his coffee table. It might motivate him to leave the couch. Showering? That's another book.

$14.95 See clips and samples at www.girlsandsports.com

This morning I got an email from BoBG (Brother of Bachelor Guy) and it had a link to what is now the only thing I am asking for for Christmas. There is nothing else I want. Put your shopping lists away. Nothing can top this.

It's the Inflatable Defender. A seven-foot-tall, blow-up version of four-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year, Ben Wallace. With outstretched arms. Water filled, topple-resistant base. And "Fear the Fro" headband. I'm speechless.

I want Ben Wallace in front of my fridge, guarding the beer. I want Ben Wallace down in the low post by the couch, defending the remote control. I want an army of air-filled Bens on my lawn, boxing out the neighbor's dog. The uses for a seven-foot inflatable Ben Wallace are endless.

Get yours for $49.99 at www.inflatabledefender.com

Our friend Max Hawthorn from GoNOMAD.com left for Sweden on the 15th. He'll be there all week, and will be blogging about it on his site here.

He's promised lots of pics of beautiful blonde Swedish women, so check often.

And for those of you thinking of traveling to this land of tall, beautiful blondes he'll no doubt have some great advice and tips for you.

Last week I did a post where I took a firm stand against the man purse. For those of you who missed it, and especially for those of you who might actually carry a man purse, you can read it here. I will state again for the record: It doesn't matter how much stuff I have to carry, I will never, ever, carry a man purse. A briefcase or a messenger bag is the closest I will ever get.

Personally, when I have to haul work related stuff around, I like messenger bags better than traditional briefcases. Why? They are more casual. And I'm not an executive type. Nor do I want to feel, or look, like one. And since I spend my days tie-less and in jeans, a messenger bag fits my personal style better.

They are also very lightweight and are designed to be slung over your shoulder. So when you're all over town on sales calls, or walking the endless aisles of a trade show collecting useless swag, (and I am the king of collecting useless trade show swag) you can take the added weight for a longer period of time.

Most importantly, they are made to take on the elements and are built to withstand serious wear and tear. And I can dish out some serious wear and tear.

I have a Ruckus messenger bag from Pacific Design, and it's my favorite. The creative side of me likes things that are stylish and well designed. The business side of me likes things that are functional and well thought out. The Ruckus gives me both.

Lightweight, and made of an incredibly sturdy nylon that feels almost bulletproof, it's got a padded, velcro-flapped, laptop section that offers protection on all sides, (and seeing as how I've already dropped my laptop twice, I need it). It also has thick padding on the back, when it's loaded down I don't feel like I'm taking body shots from De La Hoya. And the front zippers are water-resistant, so when you are waiting in the rain for an hour for a cab, your stuff stays dry.

Being a gadget guy by nature, I like places for things. And every thing has a place in the Ruckus. There's a zippered pouch for your power cable. A padded, secure pocket with a rubber headphone port for your cell phone or MP3 player. It also has dedicated media storage for your CDs and DVDs, a clear ID pocket, a water bottle holder, pen holders, key clip, and a side access, velvet-lined pocket for things you don't want scratched, like your sunglasses. And an optional cell phone pouch that clips to the shoulder strap. There's a spot for everything. Except eyeliner. Because it's not a purse.

$59.95 www.pacificdesignstore.com

Quick. Make a mental list of places where you thought, "Wow. I could really use a drink right now." Hanging around the pool? In line at the DMV? Sitting through the second hour of watching your nephew play a camel in the Christmas pageant? Sure. All good places. But can you actually get a drink at any of them? No. And they frown on drinking in line at the DMV. If the employees have to make it through the day there sober, so do you.

My point is, there are plenty of places where a having a drink would be a great idea, but where bringing glass bottles is either not convenient, not advised, or not allowed. You could grab some small airline bottles and stash them in your pocket. (Very carefully.) But you'll need mixers. (Ever seen tonic in a 50 ml bottle? Me either.) And then something to drink out of. Premix at home? Sure. But you'll still need a container. And glasses for everyone. Which means you'll still have stuff to haul.

A good way around all this is to grab some ShotPaks. They are 50 ml, premixed, single shots of four popular drinks. In tough plastic pouches. With tear-off tops and pour spouts. And they cost less than a dollar each. You can carry them anywhere in your coat pocket, tear open, drink, and dispose. Boom. Done. Perfect.

Just don't tell the employees at the DMV.

99 cents each. www.shotpak.net
Email your orders to ignus@shotpakinc.com or marc@shotpakinc.com.
And tell them BG sent you.

Today's RomeoShops.com gift giving tip is from Elise.

Day 4: Priceless

One package of lime colored crew socks: $6.
A dozen roses from the convenience store (with the price tag affixed): $10.
A lifetime of bad gifts... priceless.

Any woman you talk to has a story about receiving a bad gift from a guy. And most guys freely admit to giving a scary gift or two. I think there are a couple of big mistakes that guys fall into - shopping at the wrong places (i.e. convenience stores), waiting until the last minute (procrastinating has never saved anybody money and usually ends in a bad purchase), and buying the wrong size.

If you can find stores where you know she shops (Gap, Barnes and Noble, and Victoria's Secret are all relatively safe), you've got a good chance of finding something that works. But also explore the small stores in trendy neighborhoods, as they usually have spectacular finds.

Next, let's address the procrastination. You've got what, a week before you can realistically still go Christmas shopping, so why not get it done today? The presents look better under the tree and the anticipation of seeing her nicely wrapped gift is... well, priceless.

Last: the size issue. Most of the time you're heading right into a train wreck when you try to buy something that fits her. There are some sites (RomeoShops.com, for instance... shameless plug) that do provide instructions on how the sizes are supposed to be calculated, but overall, this is an area you're better skipping if you're not 100% sure.
- Elise

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

I can't look a this without thinking of the classic Saturday Night Live commercial parodies... It's a toilet! No, it's an aquarium! No, it's a toilet! Aquarium! Toilet! Aquarium! Wait! You're both right! It's an aquarium that makes a great toilet! The Fish 'N Flush!

Yup. Fish in your toilet tank. So you have something to watch while you pee. You know you've thought about it.

I wasn't sure what women would think if you had one in your place, so I did an informal survey. Responses ranged from: "Oh my god, what happens to the fish when you flush?!", (it's a tank within a tank. The fish are perfectly safe), to "Ew, that's the tackiest thing I've ever seen", to "That's incredible, I want one!" They were all over the board.

If you fall on the "I want one" side of the fence, you can make your Fish 'N Flush even more special by adding the optional LED light system. Yes. An LED light system. For the aquarium on your toilet. A disco fish tank toilet. Does the fun ever end?

$299 Holiday Special www.fishnflush.com

Day 3: Penniless

We know, occasionally guys are broke. Maybe you bought too many shots for your "friends" at the bar, or you're still paying off those student loans from last decade (as well as your bar tab from college).

It's definitely a myth that women want expensive gifts from guys. Well okay, we do love the occasional indulgence on vacations or a spa retreat, but there are plenty of other great gifts that barely cost a thing.

In order to find the cheap stuff, start with what you have readily available. Maybe you work at a bar or record store with plenty of cool promotional materials or band posters. Maybe you have a corporate job with plenty of office supplies. (We're not advocating theft here, we're just saying...) In any case, use whatever free things you can find to make her cool mementos that come from your heart. For example, old record labels of her favorite songs make great coasters, and you can turn plain corporate file folders into personalized holders for clippings of her favorite cities she's traveled.

This is exactly the kind of crap women totally eat up, and it will earn you a ton of mileage. If you've got a small budget this season, find a few places she likes to shop and buy her an inexpensive bracelet, wine charms, or a book. Just be sure that it reflects her personality or has some meaning for her.

Of course you can always check out the "Gifts Under $25" section on RomeoShops.com and get her something picked out by a bunch of fashionable women (shameless plug)!
- Michelle

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

I got into a discussion recently with someone (a female someone) who wanted to know why guys are so resistant to carrying a man purse. My argument, BECAUSE IT'S A PURSE, apparently wasn't convincing enough for her.

Her position was that guys need to carry as much stuff as women do -- keys, wallet, sunglasses, cell phone, blackberry, iPod, bail money -- and when traveling, you can add in things like passports, ID, boarding passes, etc. And since, 1- Guys only have so many pockets, 2- Carrying a briefcase or messenger bag around everywhere is not practical, and 3- Utility belts are to be worn by super heroes only, she feels that a man purse is the best everyday solution. And men should cowboy up, stop feeling this is a threat to their masculinity and embrace them.

Nice try. Never going to happen.

Not that she didn't have a pretty good argument. She did. But putting the word "Man" in front of it and making it out of black leather doesn't change the fact that it is still, at the very heart, a purse. And I'm not carrying one. Ever. Not even if they made an NFL signature version endorsed by Brian Urlacher.

But that still leaves us with the problem of how to carry all this stuff. If you have a good alternative, I want to hear about it. I found one solution that works well in fall and winter. The Xubaz scarf. Or as they call it, "functional neckwear".

Designed by a frequent traveler who wanted something to hold important items he needed close, the Xubaz has four pockets sewn into one side - two flapped and two zippered. There's even removable straps that clip to your belt loops to keep it from blowing away. Or being pulled off. Wear it with the pockets against your body and it looks like any other scarf. And I'm thinking it's a pretty good place to keep money and other important items hidden while traveling as well.

It comes in three lengths, a variety of colors and two different materials for varying degrees of warmth. Great with business or casual wear. Best of all, it's not a purse.

From around $50 www.xubaz.com

It's time for another Humpday Giveaway. And today I'm going to let you Load it, Gift it, Love it. (They told me to say that.)

This week two lucky readers will each win a $50 McDonald’s Arch Card. (Which, at Mickey D's, could possibly feed you for a month).

The Arch Card is a convenience card that's easy to use, and you can reload it as often as you like. It's a perfect gift or spending card. (Just make sure it's not the only thing you give your girlfriend, OK Sport?)

For more info on Arch Cards click here.

[Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified by email next week.]

[This week I have the experts from RomeoShops.com giving their advice on how to give the woman (women?) in your life the perfect gift. Here's Whitney...]

Day 2: Passion

I agree with what Kelsey said yesterday, and also think guys put too much pressure on themselves to find the perfect gift. And the result is usually a last-minute, poorly conceived idea of a gift. Sorry guys, but it's true.

I've dated guys who have given me things like pizza cutters ("But you love pizza!"), a five-speed blender ("But you love to drink!"), and the worst, a picture of his family in a wooden frame. (This is why the saying "It's the thought that counts" is so glaringly wrong.)

The point is not to wait till the last minute, because there are plenty of great gift ideas, if you stop to take a minute, and think about her. So, after your list has been made (see yesterday's tip here), contact her best girlfriend. She'll have lots of good ideas.

If your girlfriend has recently traveled, to Europe let's say, Google the name of her favorite city and find a perfume or stationery from there. If her favorite purse brand is Louis Vitton (well, she might have a little bit of a spending problem if she's buying Louies, and she might be to HM for you anyway), you can find other products with the same brand including iPod holders, collars for her dog, or small clutch purses. Paying attention to the brands she likes pays dividends, boys.

Lastly, think about her life experiences. Maybe she's gone sky-diving, built a house for Habitat For Humanity, or partied in Vegas. Is there something you can give her relating to those times in her life that she's had the most fun? Maybe another trip in the sky, a framed picture of her habitat crew (not wooden, por favor), or original playing cards from Bellagio. Think of something she'd never expect and you're golden.
-Whitney

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

We are just about two weeks away from the biggest gift giving day of the year, and chances are good you haven't done any shopping yet. Of course not. Procrastination is one of guys' most endearing qualities.

To help you make better gift giving decisions this year I have enlisted the help of the very lovely ladies of RomeoShops.com. Even better, they are giving away a $500 shopping spree to a lucky reader as well. (Click here for details.)

Here's Michelle:
Ah, the joy of the holiday season is here... crammed malls, black ice sidewalks (if you live in the frozen tundra I call Minneapolis), snot nosed bell ringers and yes, the visceral feeling every guy has right now about shopping for holiday gifts. I'm not talking about a slight irritation about what to get your girlfriend for Christmas. I am talking about the paralyzing realization that you have to A- Find a parking spot which may require you to cut off an old woman or two, B- Enter above mentioned mall, and C- Actually get her something that will change her usual response of "You shouldn't have. Really."

Sound familiar? Yes, 'tis the season for bad gifts, pissed off guys, and black ice.

So, this year we're going to introduce the "12 Days of Christmas: How Not To Spend The Holidays In Purgatory". From now until Christmas, my girls and I will show you how to master the art of tasteful gift giving for your woman, mom, sisters, girlfriends, friends with benefits, etc. So let's get started. Here's Kelsey with today's tip...

Day 1: Pressure

I think guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to perform. Er, I mean, to perform the feat that is shopping for a woman.

Where do you start? Usually it's a frantic conversation with yourself that goes something like... "How about jewelry? Where do I find something nice? But not TOO nice. I don't want her to think that I'm totally in love with her... But I like her a lot. She'd look great in a heart shaped necklace. Diamonds? Scratch that. Sounds too expensive..." And so on, and so on.

There's always clothes or sexy lingerie. But you'll have to worry about size. And as a woman, just trust that there's nothing worse than getting a "small" in tight lingerie when you're stacked in the back like J Lo, and couldn't fit into a size 2 if your life depended on it. (Speaking from personal experience.)

My best advice? Just relax. Seriously. This will take a load off, especially as we're heading into the last couple of weeks before Christmas.

Here's how to make things easier. Grab a pen and paper and answer the following:
1 - Where has she traveled and where would she like to vacation?
2 - What has she told you about her life experiences, and (I'm crossing my fingers here) hopefully you were listening.
3 - What are her favorite bands, colors, brands of purses and places to shop?
4 - Who are her closest friends and relatives and what are their e-mail addresses?

Now you have some key information that will eventually lead to gift giving mastery. It's a small step but you have to do it. And once you have a few things on paper, you can relieve some of the pressure that leads a lot of guys to head to the mall aimlessly and waste good money on bath salts and snowman sweaters.

Tomorrow, Whitney will talk more about what to do with this list, and how you can plan to give her something that will have her returning a lot of favors (*wink)...
Kelsey

www.RomeoShops.com
For details on winning the $500 RomeoShops.com shopping spree click here.

Friday night was happy hour with guys from the office. And it turned into a happy five hours. Saturday night was dinner with friends, and a bottle of wine or two. Sunday was beer at the game. Monday is a throbbing headache and eyes so red Santa might ask you to help guide his sleigh.

Weekends are tough on the body. Good weekends anyway. My philosophy? I'd rather have a rough Monday than a boring weekend. The problem is, (and there is absolutely no scientific fact behind what I am about to say) the more exciting the weekend, the more damage to the body. No one has ever stumbled into work Monday morning completely torn up from reading a novel all weekend.

Long nights, too many drinks, and smoke-filled clubs are usually on the weekend menu. But you're not going to stop partying, so you might as well do something to counteract the effects if you plan on enjoying many more weekends.

For a couple of weeks, I've been drinking Urban Detox from Function. I had read that a growing number of celebs and athletes were drinking it to recoup after partying. I am the last guy to follow whatever some overpaid, whiny celeb does, but I figured no one parties more, or harder, than they do. If they swear by it, maybe I should give it a shot.

Since it's Monday, I have a bottle right on my desk. And according to the label it is "the perfect tonic for city living: it protects your lungs and sinuses from airborne pollution, corrects the nutritional deficiencies from excess alcohol consumption, and supports your healthy liver and immune system." Pretty much what every Monday calls for.

But if it tastes like something that came out of the drainage tank of a tour bus, it's not doing me any good. Fortunately Urban Detox has a great citrus and prickly pear flavor. And it mixes well with vodka for an incredible Detoxtini. (I made that last part up. But I'm sure someone in Hollywood will try it. If they haven't already.)

I've found that drinking it definitely helps me feel better faster. And if you're going to party like a rock star, you might as well detox like one.

$58 for a 24 bottle case www.functiondrinks.com

I talk a lot about making sure your place has style. Putting effort into making it look good. And putting away the kid stuff. But good style doesn't mean you have to be serious and give up your sense of fun. Women love fun.

Example? Check out these dart-shaped coat hooks from Suck UK.

Made of solid stainless steel, they're not only practical, but are great conversation starters.

Ever had small plastic army men when you were a kid? Me too. Ever have that one twisted kid in your neighborhood who used to set them on fire and melt them into unrecognizable masses while laughing maniacally? Me too. You figured he'd grow up to be a serial killer. Or maybe an IRS agent. Well one of them grew up to be an artist.

Check out The War Bowl. I stumbled across it last week and it brought back a ton of memories.

Designed by mosleymeetswilcox from melted plastic French and British soldiers from the Battle of Waterloo.

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

That's essentially the underlying context of Robert Louis Stevenson's Victorian era masterwork, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. (Yeah, I could have said it's a deep psychological study of the duality within human identity and the struggle between the good and evil that lies within all of us. But you'll see where I'm going in a second.)

That first statement could also could be the underlying context of most guys' nights out. Sometimes you just want to have a couple of beers and watch the game. And sometimes you want to throw in a bunch of hair product and tear it up. Depends on your mood. And what (and how much) you feel like drinking.

Long Tail Libations, the newly launched subsidiary of Anheuser-Busch (who has had the beer thing down for a while and is finally jumping into the spirits game), gives us Jekyll & Hyde, a pair of liquors that hold true to their namesakes. And to your moods.

Jekyll, the mellower of the two, has a wild berry flavor that goes down smooth. Hyde hits you a little harder. Jet black, spicy and licorice flavored, this one grabs you from the inside and doesn't let go.

Drink them together as a layered shot called (not surprisingly) The Jekyll & Hyde, by chilling both, pouring 3/4 of an ounce of Jekyll into a shot glass, then slowly pouring 3/4 of an ounce of Hyde down the side of the glass so it sits on top. And you can get recipes from www.drinkjekyllandhyde.com for drinks with names like Brain Hemorrhage, Two Faced Freak, Liquid Nightmare, London Fire and Evil Italian.

I know. Asking your date if she would like a Brain Hemorrhage doesn't exactly elicit the same response as asking her if she would like Sex on the Beach. See if she'll go for a night with an Evil Italian.

www.drinkjekyllandhyde.com

"Dude, can I crash at your place?" These were the words spoken by one buddy of mine to another, right before the now infamous Couch Incident.

Without going into the embarrassing details, I'll just say the Couch Incident involved one $4000 leather couch, one very, very drunk friend, and one over-filled, under-controlled bladder. And no dog to blame it on. You get the picture. And you know it's not pretty.

The reason I bring this up, (besides the rare opportunity to embarrass a friend in front of thousands of people), is because chances are good you've had your own Couch Incident. Or know someone who has. But, as I'm sure you'll agree, it's much better to have a drunk buddy crash at your place than crash into a tree driving home drunk. But, since I also have a leather couch back at The Pad, I decided a good insurance policy was to invest in an inflatable bed.

For me, this was a no-brainer: the beds are affordable, inflate quickly, and roll up and store out of sight. And since my guest room is used more as an office than it's used to actually host guests, I don't want a full-time bed in there taking up space. Plus, around the holidays, when friends and family descend on your place, an inflatable bed is a necessity.

I tried a bunch of them and the best by far is the AeroBed DuraSuede. It inflates in under 60 seconds (before your buddy can say, "It's ok, I'll just sleep on the couch."), and is incredibly comfortable. As close to an actual bed as I've found. And the comfort control let's you adjust the firmness. Which he won't notice, but your other guests will appreciate. It's also the strongest and most durable. Perfect for when your buddy passes out on it face first, fully dressed. Provided he waits until it's actually inflated.

Various styles and sizes from $99.99-$299.99 www.thinkaero.com

This time of year we're more focused on getting shopping done than we are about what to eat. Basically it's grab and go. And it rarely matters what it is. That brown glazed chicken stuff on a toothpick some kid is passing out in front of the Cluck Shack? Even that starts to look good after four or five hours of dragging my ass around the mall.

I found a great guide on what to eat at fast food places on the Men's Health site. With just about every nationwide fast food restaurant listed, it gives you their best pick, and then a lesser-of-two-evils choice between a couple of menu items.

I printed out a copy and keep it in the car, so I don't have to think when I'm on the road. Because I know me. I'm a reformed grease hound. And I'm just too lazy to read the nutritional info, make a chart of what I'm thinking of eating, do a comparison of the fat and calorie content, and make a decision. By that time I've passed out from hypoglycemia.

Print your copy here.

We're guys. Guys are expected to know certain things. And there seems to be this presumption that one of those things is the recipe for any drink ever concocted. Whether we've ever had it, heard of it, or if it was just created in Prague the day before by a bartender named Bernat. We have to know how to make it.

Say you have a date over. You offer her a drink. She asks for something easy like a Bay Breeze. But you forget if it needs pineapple juice or grapefruit juice. Innocent enough. Bay Breeze. Sea Breeze. Very similar. One ingredient off. But you don't want to ask her, because you might get that look. The look that says, "I don't know what's in it. I just LIKE it. Why don't YOU know what's in it? The last guy I dated knew what was in it." So you just wing it, figuring chances are good she won't be able to taste the difference. (And for future reference, Bay Breeze gets pineapple.)

Or maybe you've been at a party and asked if anyone needs a drink. There's always some chowderhead who has to ask for something obscure, like a Creamy London Fog or a Waikiki Beachcomber, because he's trying to impress everyone. (See my post How to Spot an Asshole, here.)

The thing is, you may know more than your share of drinks, but you can never hope to memorize all the drinks that are out there. And it's always going to feel "un-manly" to ask what's in it. So I have something I keep on my bar that has helped over and over: The BarMaster Deluxe.

It's a pocket-sized electronic encyclopedia of drink recipes. All the classics. All the newest ones. And many you've never heard of. You can search by drink name, by ingredients, by type of alcohol, even by the type of glass it goes in. There's also bar tips, toasts, and even jokes categorized by subject. (Some of which aren't half bad, but tell at your own risk.)

Everything is right there for you to mix drinks, or suggest drinks to a date. You'll just have to get Bernat to email you whenever he makes up something new.

$29.95 www.excaliburelectronics.com