I'm one of those shoppers that researches everything to death before I buy. Maybe it's an occupational hazard, but I'm always thinking, "There's gotta be one more site I can get info from, one more magazine review I can read, one more buddy I can get advice from..."

And price? Forget about it. If I find out I paid $1 more than some other guy, I'm pissed off for a month.

I don't always get a chance to do research though. Sometimes I'll be out, see something, and have to buy it right then. (Another occupational hazard. I gotta have all the latest toys. Now.)

So what do you do when you're out, find something you want, but the compulsive researcher inside won't let you buy until you exhaust all other options? Or, even more importantly, what if you desperately need to get the hot, new whatever-it-is and need to find a retailer that has it in stock? Try Slifter.

Started a couple of years ago - when the founder was shopping for a vacuum cleaner in NYC and decided it was way too cold to walk around the city looking for a store that carried what he wanted - Slifter lets your mobile phone access info on over 50 million products in over 20,000 retail locations. Yeah, 50 million. Chances are good what you need is listed.

Companies like Best Buy, Radio Shack and Modell's are signed on, and several big online retailers as well. So you can even complete your purchase via your phone. (And if you don't want to - or can't - use your mobile phone, you can head to www.slifter.com and search from your computer.)

Enter in your zip code from the phone's keypad and you'll get local retailer information. There are product images and street maps too. Plus, you can save a personal shopping list and email your search results to friends. And it's free. (Depending on your personal phone package, your carrier may charge for data transfers, so check with them first.)

So now when you're staring down that big impulse buy, and the sales guy gives you his best price, tell him you can get it cheaper 2.7 miles down the road.

Text "Slifter" to 75438 or point your mobile browser to www.slifter.com

For more info go to www.slifter.com

I'm a huge iPod fan. I take mine wherever I go, and have it loaded with almost the full 30 gig worth of music and video. The only thing that pisses me off about my iPod is the lockdown Apple put on it, and the content I can, and apparently can't, put on there.

Yeah, I know, there's a workaround for everything. My chief tech geek figured out how to get rented DVDs ripped, compressed, and loaded. (And I deny having any knowledge of how it's done, or how those movies got onto my personal iPod. As far as I know, one day, they were just there.) So while I can get what I need to on it, sharing stuff is a bit of a problem.

You PC users now have a legitimate app that'll let you unlock your iPod, and allow you to get some good stuff on there, off there, and let you share what you want.

Podmaxx '07 was just released and while I haven't used it, it looks like something you PC iPod users will want to check into.

Podmaxx '07 was designed to fill a long list of demands from frustrated iPod owners and it's key features include:
• Shop for music at any online store
• Copy music from any iPod
• Make any iPod song your ringtone
• Rip DVDs directly to your iPod
• Burn audio CDs straight from any iPod
• Burn files to CD straight off their iPod
• Protect music collections from loss with full PC backup
• Carry news, weather, movie info
• Backup an entire PC

And at $29.99, it seems like a good deal. You can download it from their site, or buy it at Circuit City, Fry's, Comp USA, Micro Center and other major retailers, which is a good sign. And some of the online tech blogs have given it good reviews. I say give it a try. Let me know what you think.

www.podmaxx.com

"Size doesn't matter." "Bigger isn't always better." "Good things come in small packages." If you've ever heard this from a woman, I have only two things to say: 1- I am truly sorry. And 2- That's a very nice Hummer H2 you're driving.

There are, however, times when very small is very good. The iPod Shuffle is a good example. Small cell phones? Sure. Even better are small bluetooth earpieces, so you don't look like you're on your way to a Star Trek convention. (Those earpieces are a perfect example of something necessary that I just won't use, because there is no way to not look like a dork wearing one. If anyone knows of a good, small, decent looking one, tell me immediately.)

Any camper or hiker will tell you the smaller the gear is - and the lighter - the better. That's where Lightload Towels come in. Originally developed for camping, they are a 12" x 24" reusable towel made of 100% viscose packed in a 2-inch diameter disc. Toss a bunch in your pack and go. And they're disposable, so no having to pack them for the trip home.

They also make a portable beach towel that expands to three feet by five feet. Either one can be used for just about anything from a picnic blanket to a head wrap to an emergency flag. They can be rinsed out and used over and over, or just tossed away. The cost is so low you can keep several around just in case. I have a few stashed in my glove compartment to clean up spills on road trips.

Hikers, campers, cyclists, hunters, travelers... all swear by them. And it's one of the only times you can pull something out and have her say, "Wow, look at how small that is!" and be OK with it.

Towels about $1 each, Beach Towels - 3 for $6

www.ultralighttowels.com

It's Super Bowl time. Which means any company that has anything to do with toilets is jumping for joy. (I guess tens of millions of people consuming beer and greasy barbecue is cause for excitement.) Case in point: Scott Tissue.

According to Scott, on Super Bowl Sunday 90 million toilets will be flushed at halftime, because most guys watching on TV wait until then to use the bathroom. (And since this year's halftime show features Prince, I don't blame them. But more on that in a later post.) That mass flush, dubbed The Great Halftime Flush, will use as much water as flows over Niagara Falls in seven minutes. As legend has it, this causes some pipe systems to overload and explode. Others clog. Meaning instead of watching the third quarter, you're plunging and mopping.

In the interest of preventing this (and selling toilet paper) they have created an online "clog clinic" with tips from experts on how to prevent clogs. Spokesperson for this year? Mike Ditka. Because when I think of Mike Ditka, I think of clogged toilets. (Watch Ditka's video on the site. It's off the charts on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.)

If that isn't bizarre enough, they have games, like the "Know Your Flush Game" (no, I'm not kidding), 10 uses for the plunger you'll apparently never need again, and the "Share Your Cloggiest Moment" contest where you tell them your most traumatic clog story and you could win $25,000. Imagine the poor bastard who has to read those entries. "I had just finished my fourth Jumbo Bean Fiesta Burrito, when I felt this strange rumbling..."

Scott Clog Clinic

Their watches are on the wrists of every sportsman (and wanna-be sportsman) out there. Now, the same people who protect you from being late want to protect you from UV rays and flying debris. In style.

Tag Heuer just launched a line of sunglasses last month, designed with the sportsman in mind. What kind of stuff did they add in? They are lightweight, have 100% UVA/UVB protection, and have lenses that are about as distortion-free as I've seen.

OK, good. I'm thinking perfect for fishing, hunting...

Those lenses are also made from shatter-resistant Makrolonฎ polycarbonate, and the cool aerodynamic shape provides excellent eye protection at high speeds.

I'm thinking good for skiing, cycling, driving... or hunting with Dick Cheney.

But what I really like are the unique "temples" - or "ear pieces", as I call them. Take a look at the pic closely. There are no hinges. The temples are made of a flexible beta titanium, and are coated with an elastomer developed from the latest F1 racing formulations. You've got Formula 1 racing tire technology on your head. Good enough for the Andretti family, good enough for me.

And the flexible temples hold the glasses to your face snugly, without worrying about snapping or breaking when putting them on, or taking them off, over and over. As I have done with almost every pair of sunglasses I've owned.

There's a wide variety of styles (prescription too). Put some on, head out, and do something. I hear Cheney is still looking for a hunting partner.

From $200 at retailers nationwide.

www.tagheuer.com/sportvision

Every man's home is his castle. And we all know where the throne is.

Forget pimping your ride, the folks over at Roto-Rooter want to pimp your toilet. And it's about damn time. According to their research, the average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom, (Not counting the people who frequent Taco Bell. Including them would have blown the curve. Pardon the pun.), over a lifetime. For those of you bad at math, that's one year, four months and five days. On the toilet. (They need to contact the Preparation H people. I smell strategic partnership gold here.)

You can enter to win this one-of-a-kind contest, now through April 2, 2007. The lucky winner will be announced on April 25th, National Plumber's Day. (Kicked-off nationwide, as it is every year, with the celebratory plunging of the White House Presidential toilet.)

Want to know what you're crappy toilet is missing? (Again, pardon the pun. It's seriously just too easy.) This tricked out john is outfitted with every feature a modern king could want in a bathroom throne, and is fully loaded with the following "luxury enhancements": (Absolutely none of which I made up.)

-- Philips(TM) 20-inch flat panel LCD TV
-- Xbox(TM) 360 gaming system
-- Philips(TM) DVD player with Star Wars DVD
-- Gateway(R) EMachine(TM) laptop computer with fully articulated robot arm
-- iPod(TM) with stereo docking station equipped with toilet paper
dispenser
-- Roto-Rooter "emergency" button
-- Tivo(TM) digital video recorder (DVR)
-- Avanti(TM) refrigerator with beer tap, stocked with drinks and snacks
-- Magazine rack
-- Bike pedal exercise system
-- Electric cup warmer / cooler

I'm with ya on the LCD TV, the Xbox, even the DVD player. But come on... an electric cup warmer/cooler and REFRIGERATED BEER TAP??? Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a nice cold beer as much as the next guy, but I guess I'm pretty traditional. I like mine at a ball game, on the couch watching TV. Not while dropping the kids off at the pool. We're are talking serious drinking problem there. (I also have to wonder what a visiting chick has to think of a guy's mental state who has all this in his bathroom. I would bet she flees. Quickly.)

For those of you who just can't get enough gaming, net surfing, movie watching, or exercising, while you take care of nature's business, head over to Roto-Rooter.com and enter.

Good luck, and I've got the number to the Preparation H Emergency Hotline for you.

Stuff like this is what keeps the "bachelor" in The Bachelor Guy.

The worst part? Some poor, unsuspecting bastard is standing at the alter, in his overpriced, rented tux, waiting for this train wreck to come roaring into his station. While everyone he knows looks on in horror. And thinks to themselves, "Yup, you can bet this isn't gonna be the last time she flips out like this..."

Watch all the fun and laughs on YouTube, here. Especially you guys thinking of proposing this Valentine's Day.

Oh, and if anyone knows how to get in touch with her "friends" who recorded this debacle and uploaded it for the entire world to see forever and ever, amen... let me know. I want to party with those girls.

Got a bottle or two of champagne left over from New Year's? Here's a quick and easy drink to bring a little class to your weekend. Think of it as a manly version of a Mimosa.

Black Velvet
5 oz chilled Guinness
1 1/2 oz chilled Champagne

Prep:
Pour Guinness into champagne flute.
Add champagne carefully, so it does not mix with the Guinness.
Serve.

Yesterday I asked you to take our lingerie survey. (And for those of you who shied away from two minutes worth of questions - do it now. Click here if you are a guy, ladies click here. The results so far are pretty eye-opening, and I'll post them here next week.)

We are offering a $300 gift basket to one lucky respondent, courtesy of Shirley of Hollywood, as added incentive to spend the two minutes. And a few of you emailed me and asked where they could get a gift basket of your own put together as a Valentine's Day gift.

I like how you're thinking. Rather than go the usual chocolates and flowers route - again - go personal, and get her some stuff that will ignite your V Day. (You can also think of it as a gift to yourself.)

A great way to do this is through SurpriseParties.com. Here's why: Surprise Parties specializes in hosting in-home "Girls Nights Out", where your sweet, innocent girlfriends, and all their sweet, innocent friends drink wine, giggle a lot, and buy naughty things all night. (Man, I love coming home after one of these.)

Who better to suggest what to stuff her basket with than one of their Surprise Hostesses? She's been to dozens of these parties, and witnessed the buying habits of hundreds of women. And she knows what products are available, so you don't have to spend hours searching for stuff.

Here's what you do: Go to www.surpriseparties.com. Click on STORE. Enter in your info, (they need to make sure you're over 18), and they will have a local rep contact you. (Or, if you prefer to pick out your own items, you can place your order online, and the local rep will contact you after for delivery.)

Spend a few minutes talking to her. She'll tell you what's available. She'll make suggestions. Like the Chocolate Body Pens you can use to write love notes all over her body. Or the Champagne Love Bucket filled with 100 scented rose petals, tea light candles, a special invitation card and a romantic music CD. All great stuff we wouldn't think to look for. Add some lingerie and your Valentine's Day could turn into Valentine's Week.

www.SurpriseParties.com

At TheBachelorGuy.com it's been my goal to get you info on the latest, newest, coolest and most unique gear, drinks, food, etc. - in the interest of improving your life. And lifestyle.

Most of the time my info comes from industry insiders, who send me samples, testers, survey results, links... whatever they have that I can pass along to you, my readers.

Sometimes I gather the info myself. This is one of those times.

Valentine's Day is less than a month away. That means gifts. Sexy gifts. I was talking to my friends over at Shirley of Hollywood - designers and manufacturers of some of the hottest, sexiest lingerie I've ever seen - and we were discussing what guys should get their women. And what sexy stuff women could get for their men. This brought up a number of other questions and, after much discussion, we decided to ask you, for your opinions.

So now you have the opportunity to help me help you. Take the short survey we've put together. Let us know what you think, want, need, buy. And we'll make sure the info gets out.

And for all my female readers - here's your chance to let guys everywhere know what you want in a gift. What you really want.

As an added bonus, Shirley's is giving away a His N' Hers Romantic Gift Basket, valued at over $300, to one lucky survey taker. It's the perfect gift to ignite your Valentine's Day.

If you're a guy, click here. Ladies, click here. The future of Valentine's Day is in your hands...

It's Friday. The week has been long. And stressful. You need a drink. A strong drink. Something in the martini family should do it. So you head out for dinner and open the drink menu. Have you seen the prices of "signature" drinks lately? $12. $14. $20. When did a little before-dinner cocktail become as expensive as the entrees? And are they worth the price?

Like with most things - some are worth it, and some are not.

If you are on the Upper East Side of NYC and are dining at the Bruno Jamais Restaurant and Club, their signature Platinum Bruno Martini will run you $38.

And, yes, it's worth every penny.

Owner Bruno Jamais shared the secret with me of what makes this drink so extraordinary. He wanted something special for his restaurant's signature cocktail, and wanted it to include his favorite liquor, Patron Platinum Tequila. (No better way to start.) And he wanted it strong, yet smooth.

Working with Mixologist Agenor Macaluso, Bruno liked the way the orange flavor in Cointreau or triple sec refined the taste of the tequila. (Something I'm gonna keep in mind the next time one of my wound-up, drunken buddies starts buying shots.) Rather than use orange flavored liquor they decided to go with fresh oranges instead. A little peach schnapps added in smoothes things out even more.

In case you can't make it to Bruno's for dinner and some live music, (or if $38 for a cocktail is a little out of your budget), you can make their Platinum Martini at home. But if you do make it to Bruno's, tell him BG sent you.

The Platinum Bruno Martini
Muddle four slices of fresh orange in a Boston shaker
Add 2 oz. Patron Platinum tequila and 3/4 oz peach schnapps
Shake
Serve up in a chilled double martini glass, garnished with orange slice.

www.brunojamais.com

There's nothing I like better than a good bar bet. Do it right and you can win free drinks, impress the ladies, and make some guy look like an idiot. All in one shot. It's the perfect storm of hustles.

A buddy of mine sent me this one. What I like about it is it's one of those rare bar bets where there is no skill involved. All you need is a little knowledge of how beer glasses are made, and a guy who believes what he sees.

Check it out here.

No surprises here: according to the Hearth, Patio & Barbecue Association's (HPBA) State of the Barbecue Industry Report, Super Bowl Sunday is the most popular grilling day of the winter and is one of the Top 10 most popular grilling days of the year. 62 percent of grill owners say they will fire up their grills to feed family and friends for the Big Game. Now that's a fire.

I've been saying for years that you shouldn't pack away the grill in the winter. Why should you give up the grilled goodness just because there's a blizzard outside? Grab a shovel, dig a path, and light 'em up.

If you're gonna grill out for the game, the HPBA has a few tips:

• Pre-game Prep - Plan ahead to ensure that you'll be watching the game instead of still preparing the food. Prep food ahead of time by marinating meats the day before. On game day remove from the refrigerator and throw on the grill.

• Burgers, steaks, and chicken are the most popular foods for the grill, but try some other ideas like grilled pizza, grilled veggies and even grilled fruit.

• Using skewers? Soak bamboo skewers in water for at least 30 minutes to prevent veggies from sticking.

• Before grilling, trim the excess fat from meat to avoid flare-ups.

• Place vegetables and fruits at the outer edge of the grill to prevent burning.

• When grilling, use tongs or spatulas to move or turn meats instead of a fork to minimize the loss of juices.

You can find other tips and recipes for the game at www.hpba.org

Take a few very bored people, a couple of heavy-duty bungee cords, a harness and a four-wheeler, and you've got the ingredients for one wild ride.

This is one of those rare video moments where things actually go according to plan, and no one has to call for emergency medical assistance.

See it here.

Thanks to Kyle for the link.

Single and miss the constant nagging and condescending tone of an unappreciative girlfriend? Want more out of your search engine than just a plain, boring HTML list? If you answered yes to either of these questions, check out this new search tool.

Go visit Ms. Dewey. Developed by Microsoft to show off their new Live Search, (and to show the software behemoth might actually have a sense of humor beneath that cold, dark, unsmiling exterior), MsDewey.com lets you search for anything on the web, served up by a chick who has no problem letting you know what she thinks of your search query. Once she's done sassing you, a list of search results appears next to her head. Think of her as the Un-Subservient Chicken.

Thanks to Kyle for the link.

If you're looking to add a little something extra to your Valentine's gift this year... something really unique and personal that she won't forget... click over to zazzle.com and get some custom stamps made.

Imagine sending her a card and the stamp has a picture of you holding a dozen roses. Or something equally as sappy. We're talking pure gold.

And there are no minimums, buying just one is fine with them. Which is perfect, because I'd hate to think of having to use up the leftovers by sending out my mortgage payment with a stamp of me looking like some love-sick sap on it for the next few months.

If you don't want to send a pic of yourself, (and after meeting some of you, I can understand why), Zazzle has limited edition "Sealed With a Kiss" stamps you can buy by the sheet. Available through Feb 28, they feature the lip prints of several celebs, including Jessica Alba, Kristen Bell, Jessica Biel, Jeri Ryan, and Amy Smart. And part of the proceeds go to the Humane Society, so you'll make an even bigger impression.

www.zazzle.com

I'm sure by now you've heard and read about the new electronics advances and product launches coming out of the Consumer Electronics Show (CES). After spending all last week there I can tell you one thing: if I have to look at one more flat panel TV I'm going to drive my car into a tree.

Yup, this year it was all about HDTVs. Bigger. Flatter. Brighter. HDer. It seemed like every company, big and small, was showcasing their new flat screens. Which means a couple of things: 1. Hopefully prices are going to go down, and 2. You'd better get your ass on the bandwagon and get one soon, or you'll end up like the last guy who stuck by his black and white RCA set, when the rest of the neighborhood switched over to color. (And I don't have to tell you what it will be like bringing dates home to watch a movie on your measly little 27", 4:3 tube. You might as well wear a leisure suit out to the clubs.)

And it seems like bigger is better. At least that's what they are telling us. Evidenced by Sharp's 108" Aquos LCD. That wasn't a typo. One hundred and eight inches of LCD HD clarity. The most impressive piece of electronics I've seen in a long time. Maybe too impressive. The writer standing next to me said she was getting motion sickness watching it. Something to keep in mind.

Beyond all the flat screen hype there was the usual assortment of new tricked out cell phones, and more car audio equipment than a 19 year-old should be allowed to cram into a Civic.

But the real highlight for me (besides 3 Doors Down playing live and just flat out rocking in the ESPN booth... pic above) was the new gear coming out for home entertainment. I think there is now some very affordable options for integrating all of your electronics... your laptop, digital video recorder, home theater system... all talking and working together to give you some incredible options. I'll be posting more on specific stuff over the next few days and weeks. Because there is definitely some new additions you'll want for your Pad.

I also had some time to swing by and visit the Adult Entertainment Expo. Which is a euphemism for "Porn Convention". And if you've never been to one, I highly suggest going. You will see things you've never seen before, and may never see again. And some things you just can't unsee. Like three, six-foot-tall transsexuals dancing on a stage in bikinis.

Don't worry. BG got some video of all the good stuff for you, and you can look for it soon.

Note to readers: I'm am off to Las Vegas to cover the Consumer Electronics Show. While I'm there i'll be gathering info on the newest stuff set to come out this year and posting pics and stories all week.

If all goes according to plan, I'll be posting videos of product demos, interviews, and other stuff as well.

Plus, if they let me in, I'll be reporting from the Adult Entertainment Expo, too.

(And as a bonus, while I'm there I'm filming a How to Buy Lingerie video for you, with a Playboy Playmate... You're welcome.)

Stay tuned... it's gonna be a good week.

One of my favorite sites is Cool Tools, run by Kevin Kelly, former executive editor of Wired Magazine and publisher of the Whole Earth Review.

Kelly describes a "cool tool" as "any book, gadget, software, video, map, hardware, material, or website that is tried and true." And his site features a ton of them.

One of my favorite parts of the site is the Tips. Cool Tool readers regularly send in their best tips for repairing, fixing, creating, whatever.

Here are some of the best from his most recent posts:

When a couple of the little rubber feet (LRF) came off the bottom of my laptop, I tried without success to re-attach the small bits of rubber with "super glue", rubber cement, and a hot-glue gun. After the last attempt, I realized that the rubbery material used with the hot-glue gun could by itself serve as an LRF replacement. This worked so well I ended up ripping out the still-attached LRFs. By now the hot-glue replacements have served longer than the original LRFs.

-- Preston L. Bannister

***************

I had a white board with old old writing on it - I tried Windex, alcohol, etc, to little avail, then my girlfriend suggested using a whiteboard marker - they are full of the correct solvent! Just color over what you want to erase and wipe it away.

-- David Spargur

***************

When your container of shaving oil is empty, try filling it with olive oil from the kitchen instead of spending $15 on a new stuff. I discovered that when I ran out a few years ago & I haven't looked back since. Olive oil does just as good a job and costs almost nothing per shave. People have been shaving with olive oil for thousands of years, there's no reason not to continue doing so.

-- Mark James

***************

When I need to solder a connection to a leaky pipe, I just stick a piece of bread into the pipe to sop up the drips while I fire up the blowtorch.

-- RW

***************

To track whether the dishes in your washer are clean, use a wet erase marker to write "Dirty" or make a fancy "D" on the inside door of your dishwasher when loading dirty dishes. When you run the dishwasher the mark washes away, so you'll know they are clean.

-- Carl DeCesare

*************

Don't pay for a anti-fogging bathroom mirror! The mirror fogs because the glass temperature is colder than the air causing the moisture dissolved in the air to condense. Just wipe the off the excess condensation and lightly blowdry the mirror and it will stay fog-free. Don't overdo it with the blow-dryer -- you don't want the mirror to crack from uneven expansion.

-- David Spargur

*************

Wintergreen oil (methyl salicylate) is the most penetrating of all penetrating oils. It is available at most drugstores at minimal cost. If you work on old machinery that is anywhere near saltwater (or salted highways) it's an essential weapon in tackling otherwise hopelessly rusted/frozen threads. It smells good, and though toxic and not to be kept within reach of children, is intended for topical application to human skin.

-- George Dyson

*************

Here is a much simpler way to keep paintbrushes soft, especially between coats: Don't clean them, put them in a plastic bag, and put them in the freezer. You can start painting with them right away, and when you are done, just put them in again. Eventually, you want to clean them (if you are changing colors, for instance) but I have had paintbrushes in the freezer for months and they are just fine when you take them out again.

-- Espen Andersen

For more tips from Cool Tools click here.

Cold where you are? Yeah, it's gonna be a long, cold winter. You'll need a drink that'll take the edge off the chill.

Hot toddies? Warm apple cider? Come on. Maybe if you're by the fire with your girl. But if it's just you and a couple of buddies out at the stadium for the playoffs, standing in the snow in a just-cleared parking lot with eight-foot snow banks, huddled over a BBQ flame? Something much stronger is needed. Something with a little heat you can feel right away. That'll stick with you.

Try the Flaming Ring of Fire. It's a shot that starts hot and stays hot. And there's no mixers or fruit juice to water it down.

Flaming Ring of Fire

1/2 oz. Rum
1/2 oz. Whiskey
4-5 Drops Tabasco Sauce

Pour the rum and whiskey into a shot glass. Top with a few drops of Tabasco, and drink. Anyone yells "Fire in the hole!" before drinking, slap him.

Recipe reprinted with permission of the author from the book The Daily Cocktail - 365 Intoxicating Drinks and the Outrageous Events that Inspired Them, by Dalyn Miller and Larry Donovan.

They say raw oysters are an aphrodisiac. Maybe they are. I don't know for sure. I've only eaten raw oysters with a woman once. In a raw bar in Key West. And I'm pretty sure the seven margaritas had something to do with the effect they had on her.

I have, however, seen the effect stone crabs have on women. I don't think it's anything chemical, but when a plate of those claws hits the table, something takes over. There's that look she gets. She'll shift in her seat. Smile slowly. Maybe you'll hear a little moan that comes from deep down.

Why do these ugly, rock-hard claws get so much attention? A couple of reasons. First, they are only available part of the year, from October 15th through May 15th. So they are a "special" item on menus when they are available.

Secondly, besides being incredibly delicious, they are incredibly expensive. At a good restaurant you can expect to pay around $3 per ounce. Which comes out to about $48 per pound. Putting it above steak on the costly list. And, figuring claws can run 3-4 ounces, a couple of claws for her and a couple for you adds up to a $50 appetizer. Not dinner. Appetizer. So order her some and she's knows she's special.

Want to rock some stone crabs at home? Excellent idea. It's much cheaper, and there is nothing easier to prepare and serve. Here's part of the reason. Only the claw meat is ever eaten. (BTW- fishermen remove the claw from the crab, and the crab is returned to the water. The claw regenerates over the next year or so. No one has to die.) The claw meat sticks to the shell if it's chilled or frozen, so the claws are cooked immediately after they are caught. Meaning when you buy it from your local fish peddler, it's already cooked and chilled, ready for eating. All you have to do is fill a couple of plates with crushed ice, place the claws on the ice, add some dipping sauce, and you are done.

Except for cracking them open. Which can be tricky. The shell is much harder than typical crab shells. (Hence the name "stone crabs".) You can have them cracked for you when you buy them, but keep in mind you should eat them right after. Otherwise the meat won't be as fresh. Hammers tend work better than crackers. But be careful not to smash them too hard. You don't want pieces of shell to mix into the meat. (Nothing end's a date faster than a chipped tooth.) Try for a good spider-web crack on each side and you'll be good to go. And crack them before serving to your date. You want her enjoying those claws as soon as possible. Not fighting for them. Or wielding a hammer near you.

I just read an announcement that said studies of Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball from his record-breaking 1998 season showed it contained "a material not outlined in official Major League Baseball specifications." Apparently there is a synthetic rubber ring around an enlarged rubberized core.

Using a CT scanner, The Center for Quantitative Imaging at Penn State University also studied additional MLB baseballs from 1998 and found the baseballs have significantly enlarged cores in a variety of shapes and sizes. It's almost as if the balls were on steroids...

This contradicts the findings of a 2000 MLB commissioned study about concerns over altered balls. That report found no change in the balls at all. Even though photos of the rubber ring were included in the report itself.

Wait. So, the report found nothing unusual in the balls. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except this photo of a rubberized ring around the core. But just ignore that.

MLB I hope you're listening. These next few paragraphs are for you.

I'm a sports fan. One of the greatest times I'd had as a fan was watching McGwire and Sosa chase the single season home run record that year. I even got to see Mark hit numbers 68 and 69 in person. Even though he was on the visiting team, the crowd went crazy when he came to the plate. Even crazier when he crushed the balls over the wall. So, yeah, I was pissed when allegations came up that both he and Sosa were taking "performance enhancing substances". Disappointed too. And glad you said something was going to be done about "cheaters".

But apparently you were cheating as well. Or did you not know "performance enhancing" balls were being used all season? Did the manufacturer decide entirely on their own to change the way the balls are required, by your rules and specifications, to be made? Without your knowledge? Was this a surprise gift to you?

It's no secret baseball was in trouble before the '98 season. Strikes. Sky-high salaries. Whining players. All combined for complete fan apathy. But nothing sells tickets like excitement. And nothing is more exciting in baseball than crushing home runs. If we fans are to believe your 2000 commissioned study, your ball supplier engineered the single greatest act of charity in creating a juiced ball for you without your prior consent or knowledge. Pretty ballsy of them. (Pun intended.)

Now, I'm no synthetic rubber engineer, but I gotta think having a rubber ring and an enlarged core would make the ball go much, much further when hit. Whether or not the hitter was "performance enhanced" himself.

It's very hard for me to take a sport seriously when the people in charge (meaning you, MLB) stand up in the nation's capital and publicly condemn cheating, while secretly taking part in it. I'll be keeping that in mind next season when tickets become available. And I think a good number of other fans will too.

Working out. Getting back in shape. It's the most common resolution right after "quit smoking" and somewhere above "move out of my parents' basement and get a job."

Usually you do great at the beginning. Slack off a little in February. And by March you're off to Houston for a sales convention for two weeks. And since your "routine" was interrupted, you figure why bother going back.

I travel a lot and that's always been the hardest part for me, finding a good place to work out while on the road, to keep the momentum going. Most hotels have gyms - if you consider a treadmill and a multi-unit machine stuck in a corner a "gym". But it's better than nothing, if it's all you've got to work with.

To give you a heads-up on where the best hotel gyms are, the website AthleticMindedTraveler.com did some in-depth research of over 3,000 hotels and came up with their list of the Best Hotel Gyms in the US. The list criteria included facility size, equipment quantities, multi-sport options, and overall ambiance/atmosphere. Here's their recommendations:

1 - Houstonian - Houston
2 - Park Hyatt at Bellevue - Philadelphia
3 - Four Seasons - San Francisco
4 - Embassy Suites Lakefront - Chicago
5 - Venetian - Las Vegas
6 - Bellevue Club - Bellevue, WA
7 - Inn at Ponte Vedra - Florida
8 - Grand Hotel - Minneapolis
9 - JW Marriott - Orlando
10 - Ritz Carlton Boston Common
11 - Le Parker Meridien - New York

You can get a more detailed profile of each hotel gym on their website www.athleticmindedtraveler.com

File this under "More Reasons to Stay a Bachelor".

Women's Day Magazine and AOL surveyed over 3,000 married women. On married life. Flirting. Infidelity. And the results are very promising. If you're a divorce attorney.

When asked if they could go back to their wedding day and do it all over again, would they still marry their husband, a whopping 36%, said: "Nope. Not so much." Wow. Over a third of married guys are sleeping with a woman - every single night - who wishes she'd have said "I don't". One out of every three.

And another 20% weren't sure either way. Not sure? To me this is one of those crystal-clear, black or white, yes or no, type questions. I have to think "not sure" is a nice way of saying "he's a loser, but at least it's better than trolling 80's retro dance clubs in a leopard spandex top, looking for the one guy without a toupee." So, being completely unscientific and self serving, I am going to add most of those 20% "Undecided"s over to the "No Way" group. Meaning that about half of all married women in the US are sorry they married the poor bastard.

So the next time you drive by a kids' soccer game, figure every other mom cheering from the sidelines is miserable. (I just realized that came off like a dating tip. Before my female readers storm The Pad, let me state that I absolutely do not encourage adultery. Unless you have a realistic shot at Jennifer Garner. Then it's completely understandable. Sorry, Ben.)

If that's not depressing enough for all you married guys (or soon-to-be-married guys) out there, here's some of the other gems this survey uncovered: 76% of married women regularly keep secrets from their husbands. Another 76% admit to fantasizing about a man other than their husband. (I see a pattern there.) And 39% admit to flirting with other men "constantly". Makes you want to change professions to Youth Soccer Coach.

Sorry I didn't get this posted sooner. Our NYE party ended a few hours ago. And I've been dealing with my own hangover. And strange people on my couch.

To effectively battle the morning after, it helps to know what causes a hangover. The brief answer is dehydration and toxins. (If you want a more detailed explanation click here.)

One of the things you can do to help is to eat a fried or greasy meal before drinking. The grease slows the absorption of alcohol into your bloodstream, giving your system a little extra time to deal with the byproducts of your boozing. (Hence the popularity of late night "border runs" to Taco Bell.) Keep in mind your body can only process three quarters of an ounce of alcohol per hour. That's about half a shot or mixed drink. So figure it takes about 2 hours to clean out each drink.

Let's assume you didn't hit a grease pit last night, and now you're hurting. Here's some things you can do:

• Hair of the Dog. One word of advice: Don't. Part of what makes you feel so shitty is the effects of your liver battling to clean the flood of toxins out of your polluted bloodstream. Adding more alcohol may make you feel better briefly. But eventually your liver is going to have to clean the new toxins out, prolonging the misery.

• Water and Sports Drinks. Part of why your head is pounding is dehydration. You need fluid. And you need to dilute some of what may be left in your stomach. Sports drinks also refill you with sodium, which you were losing all night.

• Fruit Juice. Besides supplying you with much needed vitamins, the fructose helps speed your body's ability to rid the toxins.

• Eggs. Hitting a 24 hour diner for some late night breakfast before heading home? Good. Skip the pancakes and order the eggs. Cysteine in the eggs helps break down acetaldehyde, a toxin that contributes to hangovers.

After that, all you can do is ride it out. You did some damage last night. Your liver is pissed. And rightfully so. Give your body the time it needs to heal. You can use the downtime to plan this weekend's party.