Since it's the end of the year, I'm nursing a hangover from too many holiday parties, and I'm just downright lazy at this time of year, here are a couple of posts from '07 that could be helpful tonight.

The first is a guide to buying and serving champagne, and you can read it here.

The second is a how-to on opening the bottle. It'll keep you from taking an eye out, or wasting half the bubbly. That post is here.

Enjoy the New Year. And look for tips on curing your hangover tomorrow.

The Unborn's Odette Yustman. [Epic Carnival]

Week 2 of the College Bowl Season. [Gunaxin]

Ben Gibbard proposes to Zooey Deschanel in a match made in indie rock heaven. [Gravy and Biscuits]

Top 16 dumb lip tattoos. [Afrojacks]

Dear Illuminati: ridiculous advice for an ACTUAL reader. [9 to Fried]

Nena Ristic 2009 Calendar. [MoonDog Sports]

The 10 Hottest Chicks on The World of Isaac in '08. [The World of Isaac]

A moment with Teagan Presley. [On 205th]

A great Britain, Alice Goodwin. [Uncoached]

iPhone app makes you the biggest douche bag at the party. [Tasty Booze]

Top 8 New Year's resolutions. [The Guy Report]

Tomorrow night, all around the world, millions of corks will be popped as clocks strike midnight, to toast 2009 with a glass of champagne. But a lot of guys don't know much about champagne, see it as something only snobs drink, and are even intimidated by it.

The truth is that champagne is meant to be enjoyed anytime, not just for special occasions. So to clear up some common misconceptions, I spoke to the experts over at Perrier-Jouët to get the low-down on the bubbly. Below are eight of the most widely-believed myths about champagne, and the actual facts. Pop the cork and enjoy.

MYTH: Champagne and wine are two different things.
FACT: Champagne is actually wine. In fact, many top chefs consider champagne the ultimate wine for food. Due to the acidity of champagne, it complements the widest variety of menu items. Plus, you don’t have the added pressure of picking a red or a white wine to go with dinner, because you get both in most champagnes.

MYTH: Champagne should be ice cold.
FACT: The colder it is, the fewer tastes and aromas are experienced.

MYTH: The fastest way to chill champagne is to put into a bucket of ice.
FACT: Ice water will actually chill a bottle much faster. (In about 20 minutes.)

MYTH: The proper way to open a bottle is to allow the cork to fly off the top of the bottle.
FACT: To avoid taking an eye out, and spending New Year's Eve in the ER, ...There's more

Wired to the rafters and haven't slept on days? Eyes have more bags than a carousel at LAX? Stress at work (if you're lucky enough to still have a job), and a steady diet of energy drink-fueled late nights will do that. Which is why the guys over at Innovative Beverage Group did a 180 on the overcrowded energy drink market and came up with drank, the first ever "Extreme Relaxation Beverage".

Harnessing the calming effects of melatonin (a brain hormone that controls the sleep cycle), valerian root (reduces anxiety), and rose hips (contains anti-oxidents and treats nervousness and exhaustion), the lightly carbonated, grape-flavored drank can unstress frazzled nerves, and lets you relax without hitting the sleeping pills or other medications. Or the bar. Just don't drank and drive.

$1.99
www.drankbeverage.com

Erica Ellyson loves momma's boys. [MoonDog Sports]

Top 12 sports thieves of 2008. [Epic Carnival]

Be quiet in movies, and you wont get shot. [YepYep]

Cat juggling is the sport of the future. [Afrojacks]

Bristol Palin squeezes out another Moose-shootin Republican. [Gravy and Biscuits]

Victoria Silvstedt was made to wear bikinis. [On 205th]

Oregon cheerleader Amanda Pflugrad. [Uncoached]

Ladies and gentlemen - I give you The Crotch Grabbing Bag. [Tasty Booze]

Wake up with Adriana Sklenarikova. (If you can pronounce it.) [Salty Milk]

Drunk New Year's Eve party girls. [CoEd Magazine]

Over at Jalopnik.com they've compiled a collection of the top 50 vanity plates to ever slip past the buzz-killing eyes of the DMV. And from the looks of it, Virginia needs to look into their employee screening process.

Here are my 10 favorites. If you want to see the other 40, click here.

Combining two of our (many) favorite things, the Drinxx playing cards let you play poker, while giving you the recipes for 52 popular cocktails. And they're waterproof, which, if you've ever played poker with my buddies, you know comes in handy.

All they needed to do was include pics of naked chicks serving the drinks and we'd have had the Perfect Storm of guy card decks.

$7.49
www.organize.com
VIA - PlunderGuide

Yeah, I know, Star Wars stuff is for kids. But sometimes you just have to give in to your inner 12-year-old geek. Like with these light saber Wii controllers from dreamGEAR.

Throw Star Wars: The Force Unleashed into the console, snap the controller into the lighted red or blue plastic light saber, and you'd swear you were battling the Sith alongside Yoda and Obi-Wan to save the Republic. Or something like that.

I gave a pair of these to my buddy to test out with his kids, who are Star Wars nuts, and his response was, "Fun these are. Much enjoyment we had." So now I don't talk to him anymore. But I did talk to the kids, and they loved the realism and the control it gave them, versus just using the Wii-mote. (They're apparently much better spoken than dad.)

They work with any sword fighting game on the Wii, so in addition to being a Jedi, you can also satisfy your childhood dream to be a pirate or an assassin. And for under $35 bucks, it's cheaper than therapy.

$34.95
www.dreamgear.net

Gisele gets engaged, Gunaxin posts lingerie pics. [Gunaxin]

Top 10 insult sports jersey Christmas presents. [Epic Carnival]

15 Hilarious Book Covers. [YepYep]

When I Think of Football, I Think of Lesbians. [MoonDog Sports]

The world's largest link dump. [This is Illuminati]

A photo essay of the Lions' season. [The World of Isaac]

New Brunswick, NJ: The Legendary Grease Trucks. [Fan Foodie]

Jennifer Ellison is in her lingerie again. [On 205th]

10 videos of ridiculously hot chicks who don’t speak English. [Uncoached]

20 puntastic store names. [Asylum]

One year in 40 seconds. [AfroJacks]

Wake up with Daniela Pestova. [Salty Milk]

Didn't win any "major awards" this holiday? Nothing fra-gee-lay got delivered from Italy? Too bad. But you can still get yourself a leg lamp like the one The Old Man won in A Christmas Story. Fishnets and all.

About ten years ago a Florida yacht broker made a copy of the infamous lamp for his fiance as a joke. More than a decade later, he's selling them as a business. They run about $150 for the basic model, $439 if you want the Signature Series Special Edition, signed by the actors who played Ralphie, Randy, Flick, Schwartz and Scut Farcus. And you can have it delivered in a wooden shipping crate filled with straw. Western Union telegram announcing its arrival not included. Clear a spot in the living room window.

www.amajoraward.com

The Dragon has entered, and he's kicking ping pong ball ass.

It's one of those holiday traditions that you'll end up getting roped into sooner or later: the Ugly Holiday Sweater party. Chicks love it, and we deal with it because it's the one time of year that the worse you look, the more attention you get. From lonely chicks drunk on nog. Under the mistletoe. Wearing a sweater vest embroidered with two reindeer getting it on.

Because it's Christmas Eve and I've got places to be, I thought I'd leave you with a gallery of guys proudly rocking their embarrassing sweaters. So here's to you, wearer of ridiculous sweater in hopes of getting laid at a holiday party. We salute you. Just this once.

Megan Fox named World's Sexiest Star. [MoonDog Sports]

Anti-Christmas Movies. [Gunaxin]

Adventures In Badly Decorated Christmas Yards. [YepYep]

Nothing better than those family Christmas cards you receive every year. [Afrojacks]

Hillary Duff. Yeah, I said Hillary Duff. [On 205th]

Sexy cops that can frisk me anytime. [Uncoached]

Meet Jennifer Lamiraqui. [Salty Milk]

The noiseless racing bike. [StyleCrave]

The holidays are a stressful time. And after weeks of battling mall crowds, dealing with dysfunctional relatives and dashing through the snow from one event to another, you need some release. So grab your favorite naughty elf and work out your yuletide tension with a few of these holiday sex positions. It's what keeps Santa so damn jolly.

COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
It wouldn't be Christmas without someone coming down the chimney. Tell the family that noise they heard was just reindeer landing on the roof. And make sure the neighbors don't see Santa coming.

DRIVING THE SLEIGH
Jump in the driver's seat, grab her reins, and jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.

RANDY REINDEER
Why do you think Rudolph was so pissed they wouldn't let him join in any reindeer games? If you're lucky she'll go down. And not just in history.

UNDER THE MISTLETOE
Tradition says a woman under mistletoe cannot refuse to be kissed. Tradition does not say where you have to hang the mistletoe.

WRAPPING THE GIFT
She wraps around you. You wrap around her. Everyone ...There's more

Angelina Jolie's body double. [SaltyMilk]

5 terrible places to get caught having sex during the office Xmas party. [9 to Fried]

Jennifer Ellison goes NUTS with her hottest photo shoot yet. [Observation Bubble]

Crazed fan blindsides Junior Seau. [The World of Isaac]

Carmen Electra Playmate preview. [On 205th]

Cheetah lady is no cougar, but she is batshit crazy. [AfroJacks]

Sexy Myspace girl, Vanessa Lara. [Uncoached]

Danielle Lloyd is ready for Xmas. [DJMick]

Benjamin Button is a lifetime. [Filmbender]

Rocket launcher alarm clock. [Plunder Guide]

Forget It's a Wonderful Life, the real holiday classic is A Christmas Story.

While all anyone remembers of Wonderful Life is something about bells ringing and angels getting their wings, just about everything in A Christmas Story has become an ingrained part of holiday tradition - from the visuals: Ralphie and his brother stuffed into their snowsuits, a tongue stuck on a frozen pole, destruction of the Christmas turkey by neighborhood hounds, and Ralphie dreaming of "an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, a blue steel beauty with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time" - to one classic line after another: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid," "Fra-gee-lay... that must be Italian", "Ooooh, fuuudge!"

While it bombed in the theaters when it was released in '83, it's gone on to become one of the most beloved holiday movies ever. And since this is the 25th anniversary of the release of this classic, you can pay homage to the Parkers by visiting their house on Cleveland Street.

A few years ago the house was bought on eBay, turned into a museum and restored to the exact way it looked in the film. (Even though the interior shots were filmed on a soundstage in Toronto.) Everything is there, from the fully-functional 1940's kitchen complete with a plastic turkey waiting for the dog attack, to an upstairs bathroom with a bar of Lifebouy soap sporting Ralphie's teeth marks, the result of uttering of "the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words", to that leg lamp, which stays lit in the window 24/7/365.

A five minute drive from downtown Cleveland, admission is $7.50 for adults, and it's open Thursday through Sunday all year round. Although, not surprisingly, the crowds show around this time of year.

Take the tour, then head out for some Chinese food and Christmas carols... "Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra."

www.achristmasstoryhouse.com

Alice Goodwin & Bianca Knight go a few rounds in the ring. [Observation Bubble]

Hot celebs ready for Xmas. [The World of Isaac]

Kourtney Kardashian one-ups Kim yet again. [Epic Carnival]

Pam Anderson looks better coming than going. [Celebridiot]

The Ultimate Sexy Christmas Gallery - 300 Photos. [Gunaxin]

How to live in your car. [9 to Fried]

Don't Know Aline Domingos? You'll Want To. [MoonDog Sports]

Alicia Keys rocks a bikini. [On 205th]

Pool trick shots. (Videos) [AfroJacks]

Crushing football hit and he still scores. (Video) [Tasty Booze]

11 mistakes of online dating. [The Guy Report]

20 drunk Santas. [Uncoached]

Adriana Lima's sexy Miracle Bra TV ad. (Video) [DJMick]

Marussia, the Revolutionary Russian Sports Car. [StyleCrave]

We love Leslie Bibb. [Salty Milk]

To help celebrate their 150th anniversary, Canadian Club is releasing a special 30-year reserve whiskey. Just in time for the holidays, letting you cross your dad, boss or favorite uncle off your gift list.

Aging for 30 years gives it a richer and smoother taste, with hints of dried fruit and spice, you can only get in this collectible limited edition. Plus the black presentation box makes wrapping easy.

$199
www.canadianclubwhisky.com

If you've got someone on your list who needs a case for their iPhone or a bag for their laptop, you can save some precious coin by knowing the code.

Agent18.com, seller of the latest and hottest computer bags and cases knows that the economy is kicking Santa's ass, so they are offering BG readers a discount.

Use the coupon code: HappyMerry08, and you'll get 20% off every product on Agent 18’s website, which are already discounted 5%-35% off of retail, letting you save as much as 55%. Which can go toward your New Year's Eve party fund.

Just spend at least $10, and do it before Jan 8, 2009, which is when the code expires.

Agent18.com

Lucy Pinder looking great with gold. [BrightBlackInternet]

Brooke Hogan goes shopping in camo. We can still see her. [Celebridiot]

The 12 most hated US sports franchises. [Epic Carnival]

Hot Brazilian girls fighting in bikinis. [Gunaxin]

This kid sure loves hores. [AfroJacks]

Dear Illuminati: More advice for the morons. [9 to Fried]

Babes of the Week. [The World of Isaac]

Katie Price is selling sexy PJs. [On 205th]

Epic church sign fail. [Tasty Booze]

Hot chicks in website tshirts. [Uncoached]

A dozen women hotter than Halle Berry. [DJMick]

Hayley Parsons, the hottest DJ. [Plunder Guide]

Wake up with Karina Flores. [Salty Milk]

Rum is one of those all-purpose spirits - it goes great in tropical summer drinks, and is also an essential ingredient in a bunch of holiday recipes for both food and drinks, like rum balls, rum cake and traditional egg nog.

To spice up your coming holiday parties here are some drink recipes, including one for unforgettable homemade egg nog, from Mount Gay Rum. Made in Barbados since the early 1700's, it's the oldest rum in the world, and has a smoothness that comes from premium molasses and Kentucky oak aging. Which makes it ideal for adding to whatever your baking or mixing up this season.

And these drinks work before dinner to get the relatives mellowed, or after, as an alternative to Aunt Mildred's fruit cake.

For more, go to www.mountgay.com

Mount Gay Pumpkin Pie Frappe
2 oz Mount Gay Rum Eclipse
4 tsp pumpkin puree (canned)**
2 tsp Sugar in the Raw (or Turbinado or Demerara)
Pinch ground cinnamon
Pinch ground allspice
3 oz half-and-half (use fat free for a ‘skinny’ version)
1 cup vanilla ice cream (slightly softened) (use fat free for a ‘skinny’
version)

Combine all of the above ingredients into a blender and blend
until smooth. Serve in nicely chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with freshly grated nutmeg.
[** There is a difference between ‘pumpkin puree’ and ‘pumpkin pie mix.’
Use the puree – it makes a difference.]


Spice Night
1 1/2 ounces Mount Gay Eclipse Gold Rum
1 1/2 ounces Scented Apple Juice*
1/2 ounce Fresh Carrot Juice
One quarter ounce fresh Lemon Juice
One quarter ounce Maple Syrup ...There's more

Take a good look down around your middle. See that? Now expect what you see to expand over the new few holiday weeks. Honey glazed hams. Holiday cookies. Nog-laden cocktails. All are gonna turn that six-pack you worked hard on all year long, into a keg.

Since there's no way you're avoiding mom's home cooking over the holidays, here’s a list of some popular seasonal favorites, and what holiday activities you can do to work off the excess each brings. And some bring a surprising amount of excess... Plan on actually eating that fruitcake? Get ready to work the snow blower for 40 minutes...

(The info comes from The Daily Plate section of LiveStrong.com. You can look up the fat and calorie content of whatever you stuff in your mouth until your New Year's resolution kicks in, and get back the fat, calorie, carb and protein content. Then get busy.)

Hot Chocolate (an 8 oz. cup is 110 calories)
Mingle with family and friends for 1 hour

Gingerbread Man Cookie (1.5 oz is 170 calories)
Have a snowball fight for 33 minutes

Honey Baked Ham (3 oz. is 170 calories)
Rearrange the furniture to make room for all your guests for 20 minutes

Eggnog (a 4 oz. cup is 140 calories)
Dance around the Xmas tree for 30 minutes

Dinner Roll – Whole Wheat (40 g is 130 calories)
Walk on a treadmill, while listening to Jingle Bells on your iPod, at 4mph at an incline of 5 for 19 minutes

Candy Cane (1 is 45 calories)
Vacuum up the pine needles for 12 minutes

Latkes/Potato Pancakes (1.5 oz. is 70 calories)
Help put the Christmas tree up for 30 minutes

Scalloped Potatoes (1/2 cup is 149 calories)
Go sledding for 22 minutes

Prime Rib (4 oz. is 350 calories)
Chop fire wood for 45 minutes

Red Wine (4 oz. is 85 calories)
Dust the family room and dining room for 27 minutes

Turkey - Roasted, Breast (3 oz. is 120 calories)
Play the piano for your family for 45 minutes

Fruitcake (2.4 oz. is 220 calories)
Use a snow blower to clear the path to fun for 40 minutes

For more, go to LiveStrong.com

It's Dirty Harry meets Training Day, with a little Havoc thrown in. Eastwood's old enough to be my grandfather, and he still intimidates the shit outta me.

A peek at Lola Ponce's 2009 Calendar. [MoonDog Sports]

Jessica Alba & Jack Black to appear on "The Office" Super Bowl Special. [Observation Bubble]

In A-Rod/Madonna news... [Epic Carnival]

Close Calls Caught On Camera. [YepYep]

Office Pranks: iPorn. [9 to Fried]

The stuff you want for Christmas. [The Jebbica]

The Ice Queen - Alexandra Helga Ivarsdottir. [Gunaxin]

Redneck sports gifts. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Jennfier Aniston makes him feel old. [This is Illuminati]

Merry Christmas, Nicola McLean is still in lingerie. [On 205th]

12 Most Common Beer Myths. [Tasty Booze]

The Oregon Ducks Cheerleaders Know How To Party. [Uncoached]

A quickie with Vanessaa Laraa. [DJMick]

The 1100HP Twin Turbo Zenvo ST1. [StyleCrave]

Meet Reka Ebergenyi. [DJ Mick]

I had no idea ears and children were so fattening.

Not an actual cuban - because that would be "illegal" - but a rare, limited edition from cigar master Ernesto Perez-Carrillo that pays tribute to the great cigars of his homeland.

Since leaving Cuba with his family in the 1960's, Ernesto has been making exceptional cigars in Miami, and this year he's offering La Gloria Cubana Artesanos de Miami. Developed over the last six years, it's medium-to-full flavored, boasting spicy nuances.

Each cigar is a proprietary Nicaraguan and Dominican blend bound with a rich Ecuadoran Sumatra leaf and dressed in a reddish Nicaraguan Havana wrapper. They are individually handcrafted by ten Cuban expatriate rollers, personally selected by Perez-Carrillo, and only 250,000 were released this year through 100 chosen tobacconists.

If you're looking for something to put in Dad's stocking, or a celebratory smoke to ring in the new year, the collection features five frontmarks with prices ranging from $8 to $13 per cigar, and $200 to $325 per box of 25.

www.cigarworld.com

This is easily the strangest and most disturbing promo video I've seen in a while.

It's from ConsumerSearch.com, and the idea is to show how they help you find true love – with that perfect product. So they created this Fellini-esque mess, about some French guy who dumps his hot girlfriend and falls in love with... a humidifier. Complete with cringe-inducing bedroom scenes. Seriously creepy. Even for the French.

If you're not getting any lately, you might want to consider cutting your girl's DSL line. In a survey done by Intel to find the level of "Internet reliance in today's economy" (if they called it the "Do people like the Internet more than sex" survey, they probably wouldn't have gotten funding), they found that most adults rank having net access more important than having sex.

I know what you're thinking: They're Intel. They probably surveyed a bunch of cellar-dwelling gamer geeks, but that's not the case. The survey showed that 46% of women would rather give up sex for two weeks than go without net access. For women aged 18-34 49% would let sex go, and for women aged 35-44 it was 52 percent. Which means TMZ is more interesting to her than a roll with you. Humbling. By contrast, only 30% of guys surveyed, and 39% of those in the 18-34 year-old age group, would forego sheet surfing rather than Internet surfing.

Other findings include:
- 65 percent of adults feel they cannot live without Internet access. To compare, only 39% said they couldn't live without cable TV, 20% needed to continue dining out, 18% couldn't stop clothes shopping, and 10% couldn't give up their gym membership.

- 71 percent said it's important or very important to have Internet-enabled devices, such as laptops, netbooks and mobile Internet devices that can provide them with real-time updates on important issues including the state of the economy. (Or which celeb checked into rehab.)

- 87% say the Internet has helped them save money.

- 58% of all adults surveyed would rather give up TV for two weeks than give up the Internet for one. (Sure, why not? You can watch TV shows online.)

-91% say the Internet has improved their lives. Of those that said that, 71% say it's because it allows them to better stay in touch with friends and family. 68% say it helps them shop more effectively, and 47% are better able to manage their finances with online banking and bill pay.

For the full survey results and other info, click here.

Rihanna looking sexy for a Christmas concert. [Celebridiot]

Beer makes everything better. [Epic Carnival]

Top men's movies of 2008. [Gunaxin]

Don't forget to buy mom the slap chop for Christmas. [YepYep]

Ghetto fab dance off. [AfroJacks]

Ashlee Simpson's anal sex admission has Romo miffed. [MoonDog Sports]

Sarah Michelle Gellar still irrelevant. But hot. [On 205th]

A Cowboy Story. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

10 Real Shark Attack Videos That Rule. [Uncoached]

Wake up with Ali Landry. [Salty Milk]

Archery fail pic. [Asylum]

We love Brazilian twins. [Plunder Guide]

Meet Reka Ebergenyi. [DJ Mick]

Forget putting those frilly-topped toothpicks on your next tailgate party platter. Pound in these ten-penny look-alikes instead.

Pre-bent and made of plastic, these reusable "nail" picks come in a wood grain, food-safe foam caddy, and are handy handles for cheese cubes, cocktail wieners and can even help man-up mini quiches. (Should you be comfortable enough in your manhood to include them on the menu.) Or drive them through a few olives for a Handyman's Martini.

$9.95 - Box of 18
www.spoonsisters.com

How do you get in the Doghouse? Give crappy gifts. How do you get out? By buying her diamonds from JC Penny. (Although I'm not sure skipping Tiffany's for Penny's is a smart move either, but they made this video, and it;'s actually funny, so we'll go with it.)



www.bewarethedoghouse.com for more stuff.

I'm trying to imagine what went through the mind of the designer here... "Hmm, people need light. People need a place to hang their clothes... Boom! Clothes Hanger Lamp."

Basically a hanger with a fluorescent bulb inside an acrylic frame, you choose the style and color of the shade by hanging one of your shirts over it. (And at $323 for the thing, I'm surprised they don't at least throw in an old bowling shirt or something.)

Think of it as an adult version of the bandana-over-the-lamp look from your college dorm.

$323.50
www.allmodern.com

Hottest Tennis Players, Vol II. [Gunaxin]

Ashlee Simpson is a naughty, naughty girl. [Epic Carnival]

The 10 hottest actresses in holiday movies. [The World of Isaac]

Helen Tucker is T-N-T...dyn-o-mite. [Observation Bubble]

Marisa Miller + Harley-Davidson = Hot. [MoonDog Sports]

Commercials that suck the fun out of watching television. [This is Illuminati]

Photo tribute to ridiculously flexible girls. [Afrojacks]

Amanda Bynes finally showing a little skin. [On 205th]

Pics of guys caught staring. [Uncoached]

Wake up with Rhian Alise. [Salty Milk]

The Sonic Chair. [Gear Crave]

Madonna falls on her butt during Rio concert. (Video) [DJ Mick]

The worst standup ever. (Video) [DoubleViking]

It's hard enough getting dressed for the office everyday - and finding two reasonably clean, matching socks to wear - but throw in holiday parties and their baffling attire requirements, and things really get confusing.

Invitations start rolling in, and so do all of the clever (read: annoying)phrases thought up by egg nog-soaked hosts trying to be cute, such as "Holiday Casual", "Christmas Chic", "Mistletoe Merry", and "Business Festive" which were all on actual recent invites. My favorite? "Holiday Formal", which I'm going to assume means they expect you in a Santa suit and black tie.

To get some guidance, and make sure you don't show up to the next event in reindeer antlers and a blinking nose when everyone else is in a jacket and tie, I turned once again to our etiquette expert, Diane Gottsman of The Protocol School of Texas.

According to Diane, "There is no handbook for these terms, and you either have to be a mind reader or bite the peppermint-flavored bullet and call the host and ask for a little direction." If calling is not an option, most of the time you can wing it by looking for subtle clues, such as the venue of the event, the personality of the host, other guests on the list, and the time of day the party will be held. Evening affairs are typically more dressy than daytime events.

Some other keys may be found in inclusion of the words "casual", "club", "merry", "fun" or "business". Business usually means wearing a jacket, and possibly a tie. (One guy recently got an invite with "Holiday At'tie're" as the dress code, which I'm guessing means wearing a holiday-themed tie.) The others can mean various degrees of casual, going all the way from a dress shirt and slacks (casual), to a button front designer shirt and dress jeans (club), to a holiday themed or colored shirt/sweater/socks/tie/accessory/etc (fun, merry).

If you see the words "elegant" or "chic" Gottsman says it can mean high end and fashionable, but more understated than "black tie". "I think the bottom line is it's best to dress 'up' than 'down'", she says. "You can always say you are on your way to another party, and what guy doesn't want to look better than the rest of his party competition?"

If you're going to host your own affair, learn a lesson from your fellow holiday hosts, and do your party guests a favor by making your attire expectations clear. Here's a guide from Diane on what those standard invitation dress codes mean:

Formal or White Tie (Think dinner with the Queen or a night at the opera)
Black tail coat
Black pants with 2 satin stripes going down the side of the trouser
White tie and ...There's more

If you've ever installed or changed a ceiling fan, you know that it can be tougher than watching A-Rod parade around with Madonna. Nearly impossible to do by yourself, you've gotta talk a buddy into giving up an afternoon to help out. Which means you've gotta give up an afternoon to help him with whatever he wants. Like moving a pool table into his third story walk up.

Grab a Fast Attach from Safety Quick Light and you'll make this home improvement project a snap. And a one guy job.

All you do is install the female end in the junction box in the ceiling, and wire the male end onto the ceiling fan, or just about any other light fixture. Snap the male end into the female and you're done. No balancing a heavy fan, battling fan blades to the face, while you try to twist short wires together. So simple you can change fixtures for special occasions, like snapping in that blinking-nose-reindeer chandelier for your annual Christmas party your girl hates so much.

www.safetyquicklight.com

Tara Reid heads to rehab. [Epic Carnival]

What not... to... not... hell I don't care... wear it. [9 to Fried]

Marisa Miller Vs. Stacy Keibler. [Banned In Hollywood]

Christmas songs that don't suck. [The Jebbica]

Carmen Electra is busting out of her Playboy bunny suit. [Celebridiot]

The MacGyver Multitool. [YepYep]

A tribute to the 'antiquing" prank. [Afrojacks]

Krystal Forscutt punched my kangaroo. [MoonDog Sports]

MSU Playboy girl kicked out of sorority. [The World of Isaac]

Nicola McLean looking hot in some Xmas lingerie. [On 205th]

The last 10 Hawaiian Tropic International winners. [Uncoached]

Wake up with Kristin Kreuk. [Salty Milk]

A tricycle for grown men. [StyleCrave]

10 things to man-up on. [The Guy Report]

ACME tissue holder is the bomb. [Plunder Guide]

Megan Fox at Spike TV's VGAs. [DJ Mick]

You might think the office party is the perfect opportunity to eat, drink and be jolly... and show co-workers your Will Ferrell Elf impersonation, but you'd better think again.

With weekly layoffs, free-falling revenues and companies looking for any excuse to save money (read: not pay your salary), having a few too many Nogs, bumping your best client out of the buffet line or making a scene by screaming at a waiter, is a definite ticket to the unemployment line.

For tips on how to enjoy some corporate holiday cheer, without ending your career, I spoke with Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and director of the Protocol School of Texas.

"No matter how casual the party or festive the occasion," she says, "it’s still about business and you are expected to represent the company. Your behavior tonight will either close or kill business deals tomorrow."

To ensure you still have a job after the holidays, here are some things Diane recommends:

Eat before you go.
Even at a dinner party or a function where food will be served, have a small snack that will hold you over so you don’t eat like you're on Death Row and aren’t hovering over the food stations or buffet table. Plus it'll help absorb some of the alcohol in that drink you're holding. Which brings us to...

Watch your liquor consumption.
Conversing with superiors or making a positive impression on a client means you have to be totally alert and quick on your feet. Even one drink can impair your ability to be your company best. Use your best judgment and limit yourself to one drink. Then switch to club soda. And yes, I realize it's an open bar.

Work the room.
When you arrive, make sure to greet your host and mingle with other guests. Preferably guests you don't know, did not just talk to on the cell phone on the way over and are not going to have drinks with after the event. Mingling with others makes the host feel comfortable and is the primary role of a good guest. Plus, you never know what biz contacts ...There's more

Instead of roasting your Christmas turkey in the oven all day, why not light up a yule log (actually a pile of yule briquettes), and grill your holiday bird on an open flame?

Chris Lilly, a 10-time world BBQ champion and official pitmaster for Kingsford® Charcoal, created this recipe for grilling fans to use this season, instead of the traditional roasting.

Perfect for those of us that actually look forward to getting coal in our stockings.

Charcoal-Grilled Turkey with Fresh Herb Butter
Makes 10 servings
Prep time: 20 minutes
Cook time: 3 hours, 45 minutes
Ingredients
1 whole turkey (12 pounds)
Extra virgin olive oil
Kosher salt
Coarse ground black pepper

Fresh Herb Butter
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1/3 cup chopped Italian parsley
1/3 cup chopped green onion tops
2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme
2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon lemon juice ...There's more

She was the original bad girl, a pioneering pin-up, and one of the first Playmates.

The notorious Bettie Page elevated fetish pics into pop art, and became the fantasy of millions of guys in the pre-TV, -video and -Internet eras. She's endured for more than 50 years and paved the way for the Pam Andersons and Cindy Margolises of today. For those - and many other - reasons, we salute her. Thanks, Bettie.

It's the classic cocktail party problem: how do you hold your drink, handle a fistful of complimentary pigs-in-blankets and swedish meatballs, and keep one hand open for glad-handing the boss or wiping cocktail mustard from your chin? If only there was some sort of mini plate you could wear on your finger...

Both completely ridiculous and pure genius, these washable, reusable plates fit most fingers and draw plenty of attention. Bring one to the office holiday party and mingle among upper management. Show off your problem solving and multi-tasking skills. I smell a corner office. Or a psychiatric evaluation.

$9.95 for a box of 10
www.spoonsisters.com

The issue doesn't go on sale until next Tuesday, but Penthouse magazine announced today that the Pet of the Year for '09 is Taya Parker.

She's the Pet I featured a couple of weeks ago, and you can see her gallery here. It's definitely worth a second look.

And for a preview of her spread (yeah, pun intended) in the new issue, click here. They've been censored by Penthouse (otherwise there's no incentive to actually buy the mag), so you should be able to take a look before leaving the office. Enjoy.

Unbelievably gorgeous ladies of the Lingerie Football League 2009 Calendar. [Observation Bubble]

Pro Athletes And Their Injury Alibis. [YepYep]

Sexy Body Painted Women. (May be NSFW) [Gunaxin]

Face haircut battle. [AfroJacks]

Hot and upcoming LA rock band The Pacific album release video. [Banned In Hollywood]

Why we hate Marko Jaric. [MoonDog Sports]

How to get free and legal pics for your blog. [The Jebbica]

Young coed learns early. [The World of Isaac]

Odd Jobs: Amenteur Moive star. (*Misspelled on purpose)[9 to Fried]

Meet Sofia Hilario. [On 205th]

Jennifer Aniston gets naked for GQ. [Celebridiot]

20 random awesome pictures of people in hot tubs. [Uncoached]

Viral video retrospective for 2008. [Boosh Magazine]

Bringing the moon into your bedroom. [StyleCrave]

Miss World 2008 - Beauties from semi-obscure countries. [Asylum]

Sara Kostov is the International Babe of the Day. [Double Viking]

Think she's hot now? Here she is 30 years older. [DJ Mick]

Tis the season to be jolly. And party. A lot.

If your holiday season is like mine, you've spent the last couple of weeks going to parties and hosting them. And we've still got a couple of weeks to go until we hit National Hangover Day.

So to keep your cocktail choices interesting, here are some recipes courtesy of the guys at Belvedere Vodka. as always, they're easy to make, and will inject a little yuletide flavor into things. While you deck the halls.

(For more head to www.belvedere-vodka.com)

Ginger Apple Snap
2 oz Belvedere Vodka
1 oz Apple Juice or Cider
1/2 oz Lime juice
Mix all ingredients in a rocks glass with ice. Top with Ginger Beer.
Serve with a slice of fresh apple and ginger.

Ramos Flurry
2 oz Belvedere Pomerancza
1/2 oz fresh lemon juice ...There's more

(Partially excerpted from God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.)

Flirting is key to successful dating and picking up women. Some guys are naturals, some aren’t. How can a guy who’s not good at flirting get good?

I used to suck at flirting. Now, I like to spend almost the entire first date flirting. I find it leads to more second dates. In fact, the best two relationships I’ve had started with excessive flirting.

How did I get good? I watched other guys flirt. I said things that popped into my head that I thought were too risqué to say. I pushed the envelope. These are the ways to get good at flirting.

Guys can practice flirting with other guys. What?! Relax, pay attention. When I’m out with other guys, we rip on each other all the time; it’s how guys bond. This ripping is not all that different from flirting. Consider a tennis match I recently played against a friend. He hit a ball into the net softly several times in a row. I ribbed him, “Hey, if you’re gonna play like that, at least trade those shorts in for a skirt.”

After he had a few miss hits—gifts to me on points he otherwise would have won—I ribbed him again, “Slut, I’ll drop you off on your corner after the match.”

One day I was playing hockey when the opposing team scored a soft goal through our goalie’s legs. Our best defenseman turned to the goalie and said, “Close your legs, you whore.”

This is not that different from the day I approached a woman who played on four different volleyball teams and asked, “You’re just a volleyball slut, aren’t you?”
Practice with the guys then tweak it a little for the ladies; good flirting will be the result.

Here are some real-life examples of me flirting that worked wonderfully (with women not guys, just to be clear):

1 - To two women holding a balloon with drawings of people in different sexual positions on it: (I approached them from behind and pointed to positions over their shoulders.) “Done that, done that, done that—ooh, that looks good—done that. So, which are your favorites? You can just point without naming them, so it’s less embarrassing.” They looked at me and laughed. I quickly followed-up with, “Hey, I’m a gentleman.” (Always remain chivalrous in your flirting.)

2 - To a woman wearing a low-cut top three sizes too small: “Wow. Okay, that is ...There's more

Make giving a bottle of holiday cheer to your brother-in-law, Dad or guys down at the shop, a little more personal this year, with customized labels and engraving.

Over at www.yourgiftlabel.com you can order up exact replicas of Kahlua, Chivas Regal and Glenlivet labels with your custom text printed right on them. For free. (Up to five labels per visit.) When they arrive, just peel and stick, and your buddy has a personal bottle he'll hopefully share with you in the spirit of the season.

If Dad's been especially deserving, and you're going high end this year, give him a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label (which'll run you around $275), and have the bottle custom engraved with up to three lines of text free of charge. Makes it special, and keeps him from re-gifting.

Head to www.johnniewalker.com or call 877-JW-BLUE-LABEL for details and locations near you.

Elisha Cuthbert looking anything but sloppy. [MoonDog Sports]

Boston Garden/North End Food & Drink Fan's Guide. [Fan Foodie]

Angelina Jolie's pre-twins ass hot from Wanted. [Epic Carnival]

Dear Illuminati: Advice for idiots, given by an idiot. [9 to Fried]

Jessica Biel gets naked in her new role as a stripper in "Powder Blue". [Observation Bubble]

Top Fifty Guy Movies of the 1990s. [Gunaxin]

Cosmetic make-up tattoo. [AfroJacks]

Red Sox Logos Leaked. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

A moment with some hot Badgers fan. [On 205th]

Italian model Rosaria Cannavo. [Uncoached]

Down under with Krystal Forscutt. [Salty Milk]

Geek chic circuit board cuff links. [Plunder Guide]

Vote for your favorite Windy City madman. [Asylum]

Terminator Salvation trailer. (Video) [Tasty Booze]

You know your girl better than me, and this is one of those gifts that can go either way: she's gonna smack you in the head with it, or it'll release her inner freak and it's Lexus-to-the-main-stage for the rest of your relationship. Your call.

Don't have a girl to give it to? Get one for yourself and see what kind of reaction it gets. It could possibly give you years of amateur stripper joy, or painfully remind you why you're still single.

$129.99
www.dormgear.net

If St. Nick has left less than spectacular gifts in your stocking over the years, you can get back at the fat bastard, and win $250 bucks.

Comedy.com just launched their first-ever “Roast Santa” competition. You submit your best Santa slam, and the funniest one walks away with the cash.

Head over to www.roastsanta.com, watch the contest video with a special message from Santa’s workshop, then leave a comment. Sure you'll end up on the naughty list for the rest of your life, but who are you kidding, you'd be on there anyway.

They're accepting entries until the 19th, and will announce the winner on the 22nd.

I've said this a dozen times: Unless you want to end up looking like the Crypt Keeper way before your time, you gotta take care of the skin on your mug. Every day. Not just slapping on some moisturizer after you shave. (For those of us that like to skip a day of the blade every now and then.) So that means using better cleansers, splashing on some toner, and maybe adding in some healing gel. Especially around your eyes, on those Mondays after a hard weekend.

And the better the product, the better the result. So I'm going to give three of you a chance to try a whole bunch of product from Skin Fitness. Almost $400 worth.

What makes Skin Fitness unique is their stuff is "chiral". Which is fancy science talk for "only the purest molecules are used." The negative ones, the ones that cause damage and irritation, and those nasty side effects in drugs, are eliminated. Leaving only the good stuff touching your man suit.

In the prize pack you'll get everything you need to keep your face looking healthy, and fend off zits, blemishes, wrinkles and other nasty stuff that keeps her from wanting to plant one on you.

There's the Deep Pore Cleanser that removes all the impure stuff you collect all day, the Anti Radical Toner to remove any excess oils and dead cells left behind, Hylauronic Serum Sealer that helps hydrate and can work on those bags left after a long night in a smoky bar, Vitamin C Serum to help heal the damage you've done, Multi-Vitamin Skin Repair Treatment Cream that'll protect against premature aging which can make you look like your dad, only more tired.

Also included are the Wrinkle Relaxer Serum, Contouring & Soothing Eye Gel (perfect for refreshing tired "party eyes"), Vitamin A&E Serum and EGF Protein Complex which helps rebuild. You can go to SkinFitnessTherapy.com to get all the info on these and the other products they have. (Or call 866.375.1112 and ask for Donna. Tell her BG sent you.) And if you're looking for something for your girl, they've got incredible spa-quality products she'll go crazy for.

To win one of the packs, and get your mug all fresh and new for the New Year, enter your email addy here. And on Wednesday the 17th, I'll pick three dried out, wrinkled, blemished dudes to win.

www.SkinFitnessTherapy.com

Put down the tongs and back away slowly...

[Thanks to Kyle for the submission.]

Violeta Reseva looks stunning in the September issue of MAX. (May be NSFW) [Observation Bubble]

Top 10 adjustments for the Chicago Cubs in the wake of the Tribune bankruptcy. [Epic Carnival]

Lindsay Lohan has cleavage any aspiring lesbian would enjoy. [Celebridiot]

John Bobbit, Eat Your Heart Out. [YepYep]

Sammy Braddy 2009 Topless/Nude Calendar. [MoonDog Sports]

10 things more stable than a NBA head coaching position. [The World of Isaac]

Lesbians call in sick: Gunaxin posted a sexy lesbian gallery. [Gunaxin]

Blow hole or second asshole? [AfroJacks]

Water cooler of the future. [9 to Fried]

Danielle Lloyd gets naughty for Christmas. [On 205th]

5 things chicks would never say at the beginning of a relationship . [Uncoached]

Meet the new Rock of Love skanks. [Gravy and Biscuits]

Muay Thai fights sure have some strange pre-fight entertainment. (Video) [Steady Burn]

The new Audi R8 V10. [StyleCrave]

if you’re going to have “Hot Chicks” in your video, they should be hot. (Video) [Tasty Booze]

File this under stuff we want, but would never buy for ourselves: a battery operated paper airplane launcher that can hurl your folded glider across the cube farm at an SST-like 30mph.

Forget those inter-office envelopes. Just fold up your TPS reports and jet them to the boss. First class.

$18
www.urbanoutfitters.com

Plaxico Burress' PSA on Gun Safety

Next Tuesday NBC is premiering yet another dating reality show, Momma's Boys. In this one, 32 hot chicks vie for three single guys - but have to get past their demanding (and disturbingly possessive), mothers first. Mothers determined to find the best girl for their little boy. (Way to get creative NBC Development.)

Entertaining? Maybe. Cringe-worthy? Absolutely. Especially since I found out some of those wholesome bachelorettes working hard to impress mom ain't so wholesome.

Like Erica Ellyson, the incredibly sweet-looking chick with the big brown eyes - who also happens to be the 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year. And has a problem keeping her clothes on, and her legs together. (Especially when there's a video camera around.) Then there's sexy blonde Meghan Allen, a former Fear Factor contestant who has bared all in Playboy. Along with co-contestant Stacy Fuson. The moms are clueless and hilarity ensues.

I've got some pics of these girls for you (more after the jump), and these are pretty much the only ones I can post and stay within my advertisers' "no nudity" rules. But trust me, there are plenty more out there. And you can check out their official bios here. I wonder if my mom would fix me up with a Penthouse Pet.

Erica Ellyson




...There's more

With all the sleek new iPod docks coming out, getting more and more compact and "clean lined", it's cool to see one company making them bigger, slightly clunkier, with a nod to the giant transistors of yesteryear.

The FatMan iTube ValveDock Carbon Edition has an integrated iPod dock (plus two pairs of source inputs for other devices), that pumps rich, warm audio produced by the set of glowing turn-of-the-centuryesque vacuum tubes. At a very 21st century 25 watts per channel. Play through your own speakers, or buy the FatMan with a matching speaker set.

It's a mashup of old world and new that would make Edison proud.

www.fat-man.co.uk

Hot USC girls love Trojans. [Gunaxin]

The Best Of Yahoo Answers Idiots. [YepYep]

Andy Samberg's amazing new song "Jizzed In My Pants". [Celebridiot]

Not sure which crash is worse: Photographer vs Biker. [AfroJacks]

Sophie Moon: Santa's Naughty Helper. [MoonDog Sports]


Jeff Garcia dates hot quarterbacks? [The World of Isaac]

Who the hell is Izabella Miko? [On 205th]

10 worst times to masturbate. [Uncoached]

10 ads that make you wonder. [Banned In Hollywood]

"It's Always Sunny" guys do some beatbox. (Video) [Observation Bubble]

Office Space in 30 seconds. With bunnies. (Video) [9 to Fried]

Terrorize coworkers remotely. [PlunderGuide]

Vikings Tigh End pulls the Full Monty. [Bright Black Internet]

Beer, elbow drops and pool tables don't mix. (Video) [Tasty Booze]

If you're not familiar with this red-headed hottie, she's a model/actress, has appeared in a bunch of mags, tv shows and movies, and placed fourth in the Shirley contest. (Her original entry pics are here.)

After looking at these pics, I'm guessing the judges didn't catch her walking back down the runway... she's got an ass that brings tears to your eyes. I'm going to go as far as saying it could be one of the best I've seen. And yeah, that includes Vida.

The proof is below, and there are more after the jump.










...There's more

Getting fired up to plow through your end-of-the-year report after spending the weekend knocking back enough rum-soaked nogs to drop a pack of elves, is harder than being the rehab sponsor for Amy Winehouse. You'll need a serious shot of caffeine.

Rather than run to the break room to grab a cup of stale coffee, or to Starbucks to drop $4 on an overpriced latte, chew on a Buzz Bite. These energy chews come in chocolate and mint chocolate flavors and contain a proprietary blend of caffeine, ginseng, taurine and B vitamins that'll snap you out of your daze, and help enhance performance, increase endurance and stimulate your metabolism.

One Buzz Bite's got the same 100mg of caffeine that a cup of java's got - the amount you'd have to drink one and quarter energy drinks or three cans of soda to get. For a fraction of the cost. A single chew will run you about 50 cents, a lot less than those lattes and energy drinks.

Plus they don't need to be brewed or chilled, and you can stash them in your desk drawer as an afternoon jump start, or in your pocket to bring to the club and keep the party going. Which you can't do with a cup of joe. That, and they won't spill on your tie on the way to work.

$2.99 - Six piece tin
www.vroomfoods.com

Kristen Bell flaunts her good side. [Epic Carnival]

Pam Anderson whores up an art show. [Celebridiot]

Hot Alabama Crimson Tide Girls. [Gunaxin]

A tribute to perverted snowmen. [AfroJacks]

Ria Antoniou looks fine as #@!% in the new Nitro issue. [Observation Bubble]

Yoko Matsugane's Breasts Are Quite Large. [MoonDog Sports]

Don't stab coworkers. Stab Fred. [9 to Fried]

Cheryl Tweedy in You mag. [On 205th]

10 good reasons you shouldn't be a matador. [Uncoached]

Wake up with Willa Ford. [Salty Milk]

Crazy Frenchies climb a crane. (Video) [YepYep]

Redpoint Model A Testa Rosa Turntable. [StyleCrave]

Isla Fisher stunning on the cover of FHM. [Bright Black Internet]

Abigail Clancy likes pulling on her clothes. [Tasty Booze]

The CEOs of the Big Three headed back to Washington this week (car pooling this time), hands out, looking for bailout money. Even more than they got turned down for last time.

Some think they should get the bail out. Some want them to crash and burn... "$34 billion? I don't know, I'll have to talk to my manager..."

Sure these guys have made mistakes. Sure they took millions in compensation while their companies tanked. Teetering on dragging millions of jobs and entire industries down with them. But I'm no economic genius. I can't tell you what'll happen if they get the money, or what the consequences would be if they don't. But I do know this - love them or hate them, we have a lot to thank the Big Three for. And here's why:

American Muscle
No one builds cars with balls better than Detroit. We love horsepower and big blocks and Hemis and ridiculously low 0-60 times. Plus, no guy ever sat in his driveway for an hour revving the engine of his Accord.

The Minivan
We don't invent them, there's none of those Soccer Moms we love.

Cop Cars
Imagine there was never a Crown Vic. Now imagine our police having to drive those pansy euro cop cars with that siren that sounds like a dying donkey. Exactly.

Pickup Trucks
Like a rock and built ram tough. And try telling a Texas good ol' boy he's gotta hang his longhorns on a Tundra.

TV & Movie Classics
The Bandit outrunning Smokey in a Datsun. Bullitt chasing the hit men through the streets of San Francisco in a Celica. The Duke boys hood sliding across an orange Corolla.

The Cadillac
Elvis gave them away and Springsteen sang about them. Pimps wouldn't be as pimp without them, and wiseguys? Fuggeddaboudit. And what's more pathetic than a rapper and his posse rolling in a CR-V on dubs?

Classic Songs
"Mustang Sally", "Pink Cadillac", "Little Deuce Coupe", "Little Red Corvette", "409", "Coupe de Ville", "From a Buick 6", "Hot Rod Lincoln". Just to name a few.

You buy the best vodka for your martinis, why ruin it by dropping in crappy olives? Always use high quality, that's rule number one. And while you're at it, punch up your drink by replacing your ordinary olive with a stuffed olive.

The Santa Barbara Olive Company makes a variety of top-quality, all-natural olives, hand stuffed with ingredients like garlic, mushrooms, onions, almonds, and sun dried tomatoes - as well as bleu, feta and cheddar cheeses. (Which also make a great addition to the tailgate party tray.)

If you're looking to add some heat to your drink, they also stuff their California-grown olives with habanero, chipotle and jalapeno peppers. And offer combos, like their garlic and jalapeno, or the super hot five pepper. Apparently Frank Sinatra was a fan of dropping a jalapeno stuffed olive into his martinis.

Dirty martini drinkers can grab a bottle of one of their Dirty Martini Mixes, splashing in some real olive brine in Classic, Hot & Spicy or California Citrus.

It's not that complicated to put a twist on the classic martini by adding stuffed olives, but just in case your creative side is busy thinking up buzzwords to add to your resume, here are a couple of drink suggestions.

For more info on Santa Barbara Olives, click here. ...There's more

Nicola McLean's 2009 Swimsuit Calendar is HOT. [Observation Bubble]

Make a wish for Adriana Lima in lingerie. [Bright Black Internet]

I want a meat eater. [Epic Carnival]

Mary Carey and her boobs are about to blow. [Celebridiot]

Shows that would be great in 3D. [YepYep]

Sexy and funny t-shirts, and the girls that wear them. [Gunaxin]

And you thought you ate a lot... Om nom nom. [AfroJacks]

Olivia Wilde - most ravishing eyes? [MoonDog Sports]

Yet another MSU receiver in trouble with the law. [The World of Isaac]

Nell McAndrew vacationing in her bikini. [On 205th]

The 8 hottest women of ER. [Salty Milk]

Top 10 bond girls in the buff. [Asylum]

Throwing star magnets for your ninja dreams. [Plunder Guide]

What's wrong with this picture? [Tasty Booze]

Why you should always wear a seat belt. [Double Viking]

It’s no big secret that I think most of the advice about women on the Internet is useless crap - and I’m right. In fact, in a future column I’ll put up a top-list of my favorite pieces of stupid, pointless advice that will hurt you with women, not help you.

One of my favorite pet peeves isn’t a piece of advice; rather, it is an idea. It’s the notion that real men don’t have women friends; a woman is for fucking, dating long enough to cheat on with all her friends, and that’s about it. (Barring the occasional late-night booty call when nothing else is around to screw.) Many Internet advisors even warn you that you should stop your pretty girlfriend from having guy friends; they all just want to nail her. In short, these guys are idiots and if you don’t have women friends, you’re an idiot, too.

I have more female friends than male. In fact, the numbers aren’t even close. By far, I have more women friends. Tonight I’m taking one to see Blue Man Group with some free passes I got from my editor. I’m not friends with these women because I have ulterior motives of any sort; but, I get lots of perks, just the same:
1 - I’m inside a lot of their conversations, so I get to hear what they think and why. This constantly adds to my knowledge and success when it comes to dating and relationships.
2 - I flirt with them a lot. This keeps my flirting and innuendo skills honed and sharp.
3 - They draw other women to me.

When you’re out at the bar, who meets more women? You with your guy friends or the guy hanging out with his female friends? Exactly.

Last Spring, I had a bunch of women who wanted to play volleyball but not enough guys to fill a roster. So, I put a team together of six women and myself. We signed up for a coed league. It’s five women and me on the court at all times (incidentally, we finished first out of fifteen teams). Do you have any idea how easy it is for me to meet women on other teams, especially since the women on my own are hot? The team situation is intriguing to them, in turn making me intriguing. When I’m interested in a woman on another team, I flirt and joke with her from ...There's more

Now that our newest Dream Team's got Olympic basketball gold locked up once again, it's time we start dominating another sport in which we've been perennial also-rans: Shooting.

And just like we did in hoops, we say it's high time we build a shooting Dream Team of pro athletes who can finally bring home the gold in shooting events like 50 meter pistol, 25 meter rapid fire pistol, team rifle, and especially the 50 meter running target. Ending our decades-long national embarrassment. Here are our picks for the new US Olympic Shooting Dream Team:

Dick Cheney - Coach
Every team needs the experienced master at the helm, and no one can show these guys how to handle a rifle better than the biggest Dick in history.

Antonio Pierce - Equipment Manager
Because someone's got to hold all the firearms.

Jayson Williams
Put a limo driver's cap on the target in the rifle competition and Williams is guaranteed gold.

Plaxico Buress
Sure he needs a little work on his aim, but Plax has a proven ability to hit a target from any position, even while reaching down sweat pants.

Tank Johnson
No need to raise funds to outfit the team. This former Bear and Cowboy has a large enough personal arsenal to keep the team in weapons and ammo for years of training.

...There's more

Those guys hauling down the trail on mountain bikes? Pussies. With their twin wheels. Handle bars for steering. Hill-flattening gears. Brakes. Seriously, how extreme are brakes?

No longer just a mode of transportation for clowns, jugglers, and that weird emo kid from high school who wrote death poetry, the unicycle is reinventing itself as the new equipment of choice for extreme workouts.

One option is the V2 from Coker Cycles, a unicycle designed to take the beating of an off-road workout. It's got a gelled seat, four aircraft-grade Cro-Moly fork tubes that create two parallel vertical V’s for a smooth and stable ride, a huge, lightweight 48-spoke wheel with a wide button tire for extra grip, and a touring handlebar to lean on during long distance tours. This is no circus cycle.

I know what you're thinking: "Yeah BG, but unicycles are for geeks and clowns." And I would find it hard to disagree. I mean if I saw a guy one-wheeling it down the street like that guy in the pic, I'm pretty sure I'd have something to say. Loudly. But after reading that studies show riding one burns 330 calories per hour, gives a great leg and core workout and builds six-pack abs, I'd be remiss if I didn't at least give you a heads up.

So lets look at the pros and cons.
Pros: Great workout, lightweight, fits in your trunk, stores anywhere (good for apartment/dorm dwellers), compact transportation for urban office workers and college students, getting props for bucking the norm, chicks eyeballing you and nodding.

Cons: Clown stigma, people asking you to juggle stuff, chicks eyeballing you and shaking their heads.

Your call.

$569.95
www.cokercycles.com

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Model Power Rankings [Gunaxin]

A tribute to the boob tattoo. [AfroJacks]

Holy shit, Ligers are real! [YepYep]

Jennifer Ellison is Naturally Buoyant. [MoonDog Sports]

The 12 Hottest "Sloppy Second" WAGS. [The World of Isaac]

Dear Illuminati: Honest advice to average idiots. [9 to Fried]

Tucson, AZ: UofA Drinkin' & Dinin' (& More Drinkin'). [Fan Foodie]

Need advice about the stock market? Ask 50 Cent. [Epic Carnival]

Loving Jade Vixen is deadly. [Celebridiot]

World's worst logo. [Bright Black Internet]

Sure she's married to Afleck, but we still love Jennifer Garner. [Salty Milk]

Victoria's Secret Angels photogasm II. [On 205th]

180-inch 3D video wall for your dude den. [GearCrave]

Spotter Delivers The Nut Shot. [Tasty Booze]

Here are some shots of sexy little blond hard body Jamie Peery, one of the contestants in the model search we held a couple of months ago. (Her original gallery is here.)

I just got sent these pics and wanted to share. You're welcome.

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a box of condoms, over-embellished with glitter, paint and bows, by a bunch of arts-and-crafts happy celebs.

LifeStyles Condoms got stars to put on some smocks, break out the Elmer's glue and markers, and create one-of-a-kind boxes in honor of AIDS Awareness Month. Pictured above, left to right, top to bottom, are the creations by Ashley Judd, designer Marc Ecko, Heroes star Dania Ramirez, Marilyn Manson ex Dita Von Teese, Ethan Hawke, and porn star Tera Patrick. (Whose box I'm guessing, is empty.)

If you're an avid collector of celebrity condom box art (and really, who isn't), the boxes are being auctioned off on Ebay in the LifeStyles Celebrity Pop Art Auction from now until Friday the 5th. All proceeds are being donated to YouthAIDS.

Click here to see all the boxes and enter your bid. It could be a very happy holiday.

The Girls of November. [The World of Isaac]

A-Rod and Madonna can stop now. [Epic Carnival]

What Does $900 Million Of Missile Defense Look Like? [YepYep]

Painted Ladies: Sexy Body Painted Women. [Gunaxin]

Driving on Salvia. [Banned In Hollywood]

Electric stimulus to the face synced to music. [AfroJacks]

What not to wear. [9 to Fried]

10 Places to Buy Christmas Presents Online for your Girlfriend. [The Jebbica]

Emmanuelle Chriqui looking sexy at Cadillac Records premiere. [Celebridiot]

Ria Antoniou is a naughty 19 year old Greek. [Bright Black Internet]

Julianne Hough Has The Right Stuff. [MoonDog Sports]

Girl Next Door - Sarah Coggin. [Salty Milk]

Karen McDougal still looks good in lingerie. [On 205th]

Ultimate steak gift set. [PlunderGuide]

Hottest Bond girls since the 90's. [Tasty Booze]

Giving some props to the little dude that snapped into every LEGO set I've put together since I was a kid. From Star Wars to disco and break dancing to defeating the Commies in Olympic hockey, Miniman's been there. Accomplishing more than any other claw-handed guy without elbows or knees in history.

Here's to the next 30.

Let the Euro-douches show off their ever-shrinking, Mugatu-eque cell phones and Bluetooth ear pieces. You can take your calls old-school style with the YUBZ Talk Mobile and show them how it was done back in the day.

Shaped like the iconic handset of yesteryear, back when you were tethered to the base by a cord like the Bradys, the YUBZ has a button for answering and hanging up, and is available in six colors, with adapters to fit most mobiles. And if you want to add a little high tech to your retro, they've got a Bluetooth version complete with classic ring tone.

Pick up the phone, the 80's are calling.

$44.95 - Corded
$79.95 - Bluetooth
www.yubz.com

It was supposed to be a family, client, and VIP only special, but it got "leaked", so now you can take advantage of the buy-one-get-one-free deal Future Sonics has going on their Atrio professional earphones.

The deal is only good until midnight tonite (Dec 2), and their disclaimer includes the line "subject to change without notice", so if you're looking to save some coin on a gift for the audiophile on your list (while scoring a pair for yourself), jump on it now.

These aren't those cheap replacement earbuds that come in a blister pack at Best Buy. The Atrios are made for, and worn by, a long list of pro musicians both in the studio and on stage. They're designed to deliver big, full, rich sound the way your own ears would hear naturally. You'll hear the full spectrum of sound, not just the short range of highs and lows in typical earphones. (You tech spec nuts can get all the specifics here.)

To get in on the deal, go to www.futuresonics.com/atrio, and at the last step of checkout add the coupon code "atrio24blk" for a black set, or "atrio24blu" for a blue set. (Those are the only colors included in the special.) If for some reason you'd rather deal with a human, you can call 877.374.EARS and give the code to the operator. Then get ready to hear "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" the way it was intended.

$199
For more info, head to www.futuresonics.com/atrio

Michael Phelps has 8 gold medals and a cocktail waitress. [Bright Black Internet]

Odd Jobs: Porn Blogger. [9 to Fried]

Win a Lenovo Y530 Laptop or Star Trek messenger bag. [Gravy and Biscuits]

Big Buck Kicks Hunter's Ass After Getting Shot. [YepYep]

29 most controversial album covers. (Slightly NSFW) [AfroJacks]

Abigail Clancy gets scandalous in her FHM shoot. [Observation Bubble]

Forty over Forty: Sexy Older Actresses. [Gunaxin]

Layla Kiffin is going to the University of Tennessee, oh, and Lane too. [Epic Carnival]

Iron Ref: Secret Weapon. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Rosie Jones & Sophie Howard's naked Christmas. [On205th]

iPhone Controlled Lego Beer Pouring Machine. [TastyBooze]

Beer Myths: "Dude, this beer is skunked!". [Boosh Magazine]

Subway art. [Style Crave]

Top 10 Signs You’re Lonely. [Banned In Hollywood]

There are a lot of iPod/iPhone docks out there that let you rock tunes for the room, rather than just in your head, but few have the boom for the buck, in the small space, that the JBL On Stage 200ID delivers.

The clean design has only two controls on the base itself: Volume + and Volume -, but the included remote lets you control the tunes from across the room.

Drop your iPod onto the dock of the oblong 12"x3" stage (or jack in any other compatible audio device), hit play, and the twin 10-watt Phoenix transducers produce crystal clear high notes, and pump out enough bass to rattle your bobble head collection one shelf over.

$149.95
www.jbl.com

Demotivational posters have been popping up in your email box about as long as there has been email. And their longevity is mostly due to the fact that they are friggin hilarious.

To prove it, check out CoEdMagazine.com's gallery of 225 demotivational posters. Some are new. Some are classics. But all are worth the hour you'll spend clicking through it.

I posted a few below, but to see the full gallery, click here.

It's gotta be a result of the slumping economy and the onset of the holiday shopping season, but it seems like telemarketers are working overtime lately to get us to buy crap we don't want.

They're annoying, pushy, and I gotta believe even their mothers don't love them. So instead of hanging up, which only makes these parasites call back, try giving them a little hell so they'll think twice before dialing your number again. And have a little fun in the process.

And who better to give advice on pissing off these phone bombers than the guy who made crank calling an art form, Crank Yankers' own Jim Florentine.

I spoke with Florentine to find out how he handles those idiots unfortunate enough to dial his number. Like he says, if they're going to annoy you, you might as well annoy them back. So here's what he does:

1. Tell them that whatever volume they are speaking at is either too loud or not loud enough. When you tell them you can't hear them and they start yelling in to the phone, then tell them that they are too loud now. Then too low the next time they speak.

2. Write everything down that they say. Tell them you have a bad memory and want to remember everything they said. Start with their name and go from there. Try to keep them on as long as possible. That should cost them some income.

3. Tell them whatever they are selling is the best thing ever and you can't wait to buy it. Get them really excited and then when they ask ...There's more

It doesn't matter if your loyalties fall on the side of Tony Soprano or Johnny Law, you've got to be impressed with the ingenuity of the wiseguys over in Italy.

Always looking for new and inventive ways to whack someone, they've created a four shot gun disguised as a cell phone. Sliding the keypad exposes the .22 caliber bullets, pressing a certain key fires them through the antenna.

Gives new meaning to the term "cell phone contract".

More pics and the full story here.

Nothing beats a comfortable place to plant your ass after a long day at the office. And there are few things more comfortable than the loungers from Sumo.

Modeled after the classic bean bag chairs, only larger, more stylish and more versatile, Sumo chairs are huge, soft crash pads that can be configured to almost any shape for your sitting or reclining pleasure. Letting you watch the game, play Madden '09, or pass out after a way-too-long happy hour - in total comfort. (And you can check my reviews of two of their offerings here and here.)

Because I know you could use a soft landing pad for your pad, especially around the holidays, I'm gonna give away three of Sumo's new Omni Plus loungers. It's covered in micro-suede and stuffed with shredded urethane foam that'll never go flat, no matter how long your ass is parked on it. Clip the straps together to keep it in chair mode, or lay it flat for that Sunday afternoon nap. And, because no one likes to sleep alone, it's large enough for her to join you. (For sleep, or whatever else.)

All you need to do for a shot at winning this big 54"x45" chair/bed/etc, which retails for $200, is enter your email addy here. On Friday, the 5th, I'll pick three of you to experience the comfort of the Sumo for yourselves. (Sorry, the blond is not included.) And I'm not responsible for any days of work you'll be missing.

Check out the Omni Plus and other Sumo chairs, here.

Hottest Ladies of G4 TV. [Gunaxin]

Economy Down, SPAM Sales Up. [YepYep]

Danielle Lloyd lookin’ good in a bikini poolside. [Observation Bubble]

Anna Kournikova Can Still Melt Butter. [Moon Dog Sports]

Alex Rodriguez goes south of the border with Madonna. [Epic Carnival]

An indoor rain delay?. [The World of Isaac]

World's ugliest prostitution ring busted. [The Jebbica]

Britney looking very sexy in Germany. [Celebridiot]

Veronica Hugo in a bikini is just overwhelming. [Bright Black Internet]

Scarlett Johansson is topless... sort of [On205th]

Jennifer Walcott could kick your ass. [TastyBooze]

Waking up with Kellie Maines. [Salty Milk]

Sara Varone - Hot Italian MILF. [Plunder Guide]

Construction site amusement park. (Video) [CoEd Magazine]