By Bob Lesher
Yeah, it’s that time again. Dad’s Day is right around the corner and, as if that wasn’t enough, you have to think about getting a gift for the graduate in your family. You don’t want to get another World’s Greatest Dad mug and you learned your lesson after last year’s lawn dart incident... but what can you get that doesn’t make you come off as cheap as a Jack Welch company picnic?
Every Man Jack, makers of very-inexpensive-yet-very-cool body and grooming products, is hitting the shelves in a hurry with two great gift ideas for the dad or grad on your list.
The two ready-to-gift sets include a Body + Hair kit in their Citrus fragrance and a Shave Kit in their classic Signature Mint scent. The Body + Hair kit features three products: a 2-in-1 shampoo, scrub body wash, and a scrub body bar with wheat (wheat??). The Shave kit is packed with everything you need for the perfect shave: pre-shave scrub, hydrating formula shave cream, and a post-shave moisturizing lotion. (If you get it wrong with these products maybe you shouldn’t be around sharp objects and water.)
As if getting a complete kit with these made-for-men goods isn’t enough, they also come complete with a travel bag, perfect for when your dad heads to Cabo to kick-off is mid-life crisis.
The best part is, these recession-busting gift kits will set you back only about $10. A ridiculously small price to pay to improve dad's grooming habits.
And one more thing, these aren’t trial size packages that’ll drive you nuts as you constantly drop them in the shower. (Sorry for the visual.) The products in these kits are actual size and will provide you with hours of manscaping enjoyment.
You can pick these, and other Every Man Jack products, up online at
EveryManJack.com or at your local Target store.
And while you’re there, check out the new WANTED contest being held by the folks at EMJ. Just log on, create a mini-profile, and upload your pic.
When they announce the winner on September 5, 2009 you could be selected as the face of EMJ, and have your mug featured in a full-page spread in Men’s Health magazine. Which could do wonders for your dating situation.
Just for entering you get a coupon for a free EMJ product at Target. It doesn't get any better than that.
By Bob Lesher
I don’t even remember what life was like before wireless technology. I can vaguely recall masses of cords strewn across the carpet like some giant spaghetti being had just met the business end of a smart bomb. Phones tethered to the wall and reams of speaker wires hanging across your living room in some kind of homage to 19th century New York. Whatever your memories of wired days gone by, I am sure they don’t rank in your top ten. We’d just as soon forget them as relive them.
The fine people at Spracht have the same PTSD when it comes to things that are attached umbilically. That’s why they have created the Spracht AURA BluNote wireless Bluetooth speaker.
The BluNote allows you to listen to your digital music collection in high-fidelity sound wirelessly through any Bluetooth enabled device. It doesn’t matter whether your Imogene Heap is on your iPhone or your Postal Service is on your Palm. If it has Bluetooth capabilities you’re good to go. Another cool feature of the BluNote is its ability to act as a speakerphone if you are streaming your music through a wireless phone.
There certainly seem to be a lot of wireless devices creeping onto the scene lately and not all of them are worthy of your hard-earned cash. The BluNote is a solid offering. It lacks the bells and whistles found on some of the pricier models, but it still manages to get the job done with style and affordability.
It runs on 4 AA batteries or the included AC adapter. You can store up to 8 Bluetooth profiles so you can sync with multiple devices without having to set them up every time you want to jam.
Surf over to
Spracht.com where you can pick one up for $129.00.
The Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany is over 1,000 square meters, computer controlled, and has a team of 150+ working over 500,000 hours on it so far. This model railroad miniature version of the planet was started in 2001 with two layout areas. By '07, the seventh, was opened.
It makes the Lionel set my dad and I built in the basement when I was nine (and when I say "dad and I built" I mean "he built." My official job was to "stop touching that"), look like it was put together by a bunch of monkeys on Seconal.
ENTERTAINMENT
May 31, 2009
By Bob Lesher
As a card-carrying member of the American Homebrewers Association and an avid homebrewer, I believe that life is way too short to drink ordinary beer. Why wallow in complacency with your pale, tasteless beer when you have so many choices?
Porter, stout, Trappist ale, pale ale, hefeweizen, bock, marzen; it’s enough to give you a beer boner. And with a growing number of small, independent breweries entering the market every day, your reasons for exploring this genre of the drink even further have just expanded.
Immerse yourself in the world of small craft brews in one of the country’s greatest cities at the 2009 American Craft Beer Fest. Home to one of the most innovative craft brewers on the scene today (think American patriot and brewer, Samuel Adams) Boston is playing host to the 2009 Fest and you can check it out June 19th & 20th at the Seaport World Trade Center.
With over 75 craft brewers flaunting 300 different craft brews at this year’s event, your liver will give out before your choices do as you wander the halls looking for the country’s next breakout brewmaster. You might even be lucky enough to get your mits on a barleywine sample. When your taste buds need a break, you can also scope out a viewing of Beer Wars, a documentary film exposing all you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask, about the US beer industry. Combine some brutal bloodletting competition with a dash of highly guarded trade secrets and you get the picture.
So, if you’re ready to expand your hop horizons and dive headfirst into the world of the malt manipulators, head over to the 2009 Great American Beer Fest. Included with your $40 admission is your very own 2oz sample cup. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but do the math – 2oz and 300 beers – if there was ever a strong case for a DD this might be it.
For more info and to purchase your tickets head over to
www.beeradvocate.com. Prost!
Horror meister Sam Raimi's first non
Spider-Man flick in nine years is in theaters this weekend, and he's gone back to what he does best: Creeping the shit out of us.
In honor of his return to the genre, our boys over at
ScreenJunkies have come up with 5 of the most disturbing scenes he's ever committed to film. (And, no, the Toby-Maguire-dancing-as-evil-Peter-Parker-in-the-jazz-club scene from
Spider-Man 3 isn't one of them.)
The "Give me my pink elephant" scene from
Darkman is below. The rest - should you have the stomach for it - are
here.
ENTERTAINMENT
May 29, 2009
Yesterday I posted on summer blended drinks. (
Read it here) And then this hits my email box: "Forget blended drinks... what about alcoholic sno-cones?"
Oh, I'm with ya. They're cool. They're refreshing. And they're mood altering. Besides courtside tickets to women's beach volleyball, there's nothing better on a hot summer day to get you feeling right.
The recipes below are courtesy of
Midori melon liqueur. Poured straight, or mixed with vodka, tequila and fruit juices, these sno-cones will take both the heat, and the edge, off.
To make 'em, pick up a sno-cone maker at any big retailer (they run under $50, and trust me, you'll use it all summer long), shave a bunch of ice into the cones, and pour the mixture over the top. They're like icy green snow balls sent from heaven.
Midori Sno-Cone
Pour 1 1/2 oz Midori Melon Liqueur over a ball of ice
Midori Melon Ball
1 oz Midori Melon Liqueur
1/2 oz of SKYY Infusions Pineapple
Splash of OJ
Pour over one ball of ice
Midori Margarita Sno-Ball
1 oz Midori Melon Liqueur
1/2 oz tequila
Splash of sweet and sour
Pour over one ball of ice
Another entry in the pissing contest that is My Dude Den is Better Than Your Dude Den...
Check out this Harley-themed basement home theater. Besides a wall-mounted 58" plasma, a 46" LCD that drops from the ceiling, a 32" tabletop LCD, a bar, poker area and plenty of luxe leather seating, this guy also added in space to store his collection of Harleys... complete with motorized lifts.
Bikes, beer, poker, and the ability to watch different games on each TV. And he only took Silver in the 2009 Home of the Year Awards. Unless the winner of the Gold had a set of fully functioning sex androids/liquor dispensers, I'm asking for a recount.
Check out the full story and more pics
here.
Once again the guys over at
Manvite, have spent many sleepless nights, pouring over calendars to come up with Your Guy Event Calendar for June. (Link to larger image below. And dig the BG logo tat...)
This month there are some excuses to party:
The 4th is Angelina Jolie's birthday... send her a card... and a gift certificate to Adoptions R Us.
The NBA Finals start on the 5th... and, seriously, the way the semis are going, any match up will be edge-of-your-seat.
And remember to get dad something from my upcoming gift guides for Father's Day on the 21st.
So if you're having a party for any of these events, don't forget to head over to
Manvite.com and set up your evite. Then go buy some ice.
Click here for a larger image of the calendar you can print out or use as wallpaper.
14-year old Danny Johnson, was recently named the Guitar Hero Guinness World Records holder for “Highest Score for a Single Song” after he hit 99% of the notes for the DragonForce song “Through the Fire and Flames” on Expert level, scoring a finger-bleeding 973,954 points. Why only 99%? About 170 notes from the end, the blue button on his guitar controller broke. You can see him nailing it 100% in the vid above. And breaking the 980k mark.
The Grapevine, Texas native is also a skilled pianist, drummer, guitarist, saxophone and oboe player. (Oboe player? Is there a category of chicks this kid's after who don't fall for piano, guitar, sax or drums?)
Chances are you'll never come just shy of a million points, but to up your rock star status, here are 6 of Johnson's top Guitar Hero tips and tricks:
1. Starting out.
When you’re starting out, whenever you’re playing a song and you don't know what notes are coming at you, do not hit random buttons. Only hit the notes you know you can hit. When you do this, you will eventually get better at a song. (Another thing is that you can try to take off your face plate if you have one. I think it helps.)
2. Trills.
If you see a lot of trills - which are any combination of 2 notes repeating - hold down the lower note and try to use your index and middle finger to do so. For example, hold down green and use another finger to hit red. If that doesn't work, try bringing over your right hand to tap the higher note. You can hold down green with your index finger and bring your right hand over to tap red.
3. Triplets.
Triplets are three notes in a row that go from low to high (ex. green, red, yellow). I would suggest holding down the lowest note with your index finger and hitting the others with the middle finger and the ring finger. If that doesn't work for you, try holding
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Love 'em or hate 'em, summer means blended drinks. Coladas, rum runners, and yeah, even daiquiris. Not that you drink any of these, (maybe a rum runner, but only at a tiki bar, on a Caribbean beach, surrounded by bikinis and steel drums), but they're a good idea to have on hand if your party includes ladies. And anyone else who wants to be refreshed and inebriated at the same time.
To pack a little more punch in your frozen summer punch is in some Alizé.
An explosive blend of premium French cognac, passion fruit, and some vodka for good measure, it mixes beautifully with other liquors and juices to produce powerful adult poolside smoothies, that hit you like a tidal wave.
Here are three to get your beach bash started. Just keep out the umbrellas so no one confuses them for daiquiris.
Mercury Rising
3 parts Alizé Red Passion
1 part premium tequila
1/2 part triple sec
Splash fresh lime juice
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Are you a Saint? Or Hellbound Demon Trash? According to my mom while I was growing up, at one point or another I was both.
Over at
Quibblo.com they've got a Seven Deadly Sins quiz that'll let you know where you fall on the Sin Scale.
Lest you think I'm acting like a 14 year old, asking you to take a personality quiz, this one has a payoff: Taking the test enters you for a shot at scoring either A&E's Seven Deadly Sins DVD, or their Seven Signs of the Apocalypse DVD. (Which I think has an entire section devoted to Natalie Portman dating Sean Penn.)
You can take the quiz and
enter to win here.
My score? Mom was right, I'm going to hell.
ENTERTAINMENT
May 27, 2009
This explains a lot.
(Thanks to our boys over at LinkDork. Go check out their other ridiculous vids.)
Atom.com says their new comedy series is about an innocent girl, right off the bus who ends up working in a seedy nightclub. Think "Dorothy from
The Wizard of Oz stepped into
Boogie Nights." (So would Dirk Diggler be the Tin Man or The Scarecrow? Wait. The Wood Man.)
Either way, they named the thing "Hot Sluts", slapped a mature-audiences-only tag on it, then gave us hottie Alison Brie from
Mad Men as the good girl trying not to go wrong. They could be talking about nail polish and I'd watch.
(Spoiler: Episode 2 has anti-ass grab techniques.)
Hot Sluts, Ep 1
By Bob Lesher
I truly believe that what Plato said was true: “He was a wise man who invented beer.” It is and will always be my drink of choice and with the thousands of microbreweries out there today, I doubt I will ever run out of beer to try. That being said, when I was given the opportunity to sample a new “gourmet” beer from the Spanish brewery Estrella Damm, I could barely hold back my tears of joy.
The brewers at Estrella Damm have decided that it is time the market had a real alternative to wine when it comes to fine dining. Never again should you feel emasculated when ordering beer with your bone-in filet. No longer do you have to hang your head in shame as the owner of the lone longneck among a sea of fancy crystal stemware. Estrella Damm INEDIT is the product of nearly 18 months of trial and error (18 months of beer testing? Sign me up!) and is marketed as a beer “specifically created to accompany food.” Among those that had a hand in the creation of this high-end brand of suds are world-renowned chef Ferran Adrià and the sommeliers of elBulli in Catalonia, Spain.
After 400 attempts at reaching the summit, INEDIT was finally born this May. Showing in at a respectable 750-mL (about 1.5 pints), it is meant to be shared. Cloaked in an enigmatic black bottle adorned with a singular gold star, this beer fits right in with the bubbly and vino. According to the proud parents of this bouncing baby brew, this is a beer that should be served in a white wine glass filled no more than halfway, as to allow one to “appreciate all its virtues.” After all that, I’m not sure I’m worthy.
I was lucky enough to sample some and I have to
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By Bob Lesher
We've said it a million times, a million ways: The traveling process sucks. I can’t think of one redeeming quality when it comes to air travel and it always culminates in the general kick-in-the-nuts known as the security-screening checkpoint. Here’s the picture; roller bag at your side, shoes untied but still on, your belt and liquids bag in one hand and your laptop under your arm. Will I get offered a choice of oral or anal exam because of the iPod in my briefcase? Is grandma going to cause an international incident with her metal hip? Serenity now. Serenity now.
Aerovation®, a leader in the manufacture of checkpoint-friendly laptop bags, has taken our problems to heart. Their team of designers and mobile device enclosure engineers (do they have a school for that?), has come up with a pair of products that are sure to have road warriors weeping with joy: the Aerovation CPF® Laptop Bag and CPF® Trolley Bag.
The Aerovation CPF® Laptop Bag is a padded laptop carrier that provides two separate compartments – one for a laptop, and the other to house the laptop accessories. The two compartments are secured together by Velcro strips and fold open to lie flat on the X-ray conveyer belt without taking the laptop out of the bag.
Once the bag has wandered its way through x-ray land, you are free to pick it up at the other end and get the hell outta Dodge. And since the bag is TSA approved, the screeners have been trained to recognize it. (Which in itself is a miracle.) This means fewer, “Is this your bag?” moments. I don’t know
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TRAVEL | GEAR
May 26, 2009
Marathons are for pussies. 26.2 miles? Ultramarathoners do that for a warm up. It's when you get into triple digit milage that the real fun begins.
100+ miles of torture on your feet, knees, back, heart, mind... not to mention the inner thigh and nipple chafing. Then there's the talking garbage cans...
Check out twin sports nuts the Sklar brothers (yeah, the guys from ESPN's bracket wars), in this hilarious ad from Brooks. "F*ck you raccoon."
I think I need a mylar wrap...
The new Chimera Gaming System from iBUYPOWER looks as though it was spawned from the mythological beast it derives its name from... appearing quite capable of eating your soul.
Wreathed in flame, with optional internal lighting and see-through side paneling (so as to show off how big your "components" are), it makes for a system that Sauron would be happy to punish Middle Earth noobs on.
It doesn't stop with the sleek and sexy design though, because the gorgeous chassis of this system serves to cool the beast as well - with an Asetek liquid cooling solution, 3-120mm fans that are placed so as to keep the heat off your primary components, and a front-panel thermal display that allows you to keep dibs on baby's temperature. Ensuring your system isn't going to crap out on you the next time you're amongst the cliffs of the Daggercap Bay in the Howling Fjord battling Frost Vrykul in Utgarde Keep with your Azuresong Mageblade. (The one downside, this may also ensure you aren't going to be getting laid in the immediate future.)
The Chimera X58 (Intel Core i7 based system), and the Chimera AM3 (AMD configuration) both offer multi-GPU solutions from both ATI and NVIDIA. In layman's terms, it go real fast and make real purty graphics.
You can soup up the gaming experience of your system with kick ass add-ons such as the Killer NIC gaming card, tons of peripherals, or throw some boom in with the Creative Labs Soundblaster X-Fi sound card with an advanced speaker system.
To top it all off, iBUYPOWER will also throw in a free copy of Halo 2 or Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X with every purchase of the Chimera Gaming System. Fragging skills not included.
Starting from $999
www.ibuypower.com
Sometimes even the big guys need a little looking after. Or so it seems...
(Note: As I type this, I'm looking up the number of the nearest babysitting service.)
The Babysitter
The original Yankee Stadium may have been reduced to rubble, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a piece of “The House that Ruth Built” for your memorabilia collection.
In a partnership that will have both New York fans and baseball lovers salivating, the Yankees have teamed up with
Steiner Sports to offer authentic pieces of baseball’s most famous stadium through a public sale and an auction.
And I've got two of these once-in-a-lifetime items to give away.
Remember the feeling when you first stepped through the walkway and caught a glimpse of the majestic field? The smell of the grass? The view from your seats? Walking the legendary pathways of Monument Park? The loudmouth drunk behind you who wouldn't shut up? Everything that made Yankee Stadium what it was.
Thanks to the Yankee Stadium Legends online auction (
click here or call 1-800-759-SCORE), fans can relive their memories of the iconic park by bidding on one-of-a-kind items ranging from outfield seats, to a Yankees bat rack, to the bullpen pitching rubber... more than 1,500 pieces in all will eventually be auctioned off, as more items will be revealed weekly.
In addition to the auction, which runs until July 26, fans have the chance to immediately purchase several sweet remnants of the Stadium, including pieces of freeze-dried grass from the field (perfect for planting in that annoying Red Sox fan’s yard), crystals containing genuine infield dirt, pairs of stadium seats, and original bricks from Monument Park encased in a glass with a Yankees logo.
So what am I giving away? I've got a plot of that freeze dried grass from the field (valued at $80), and a Monument Park brick (valued at $150).
Just
enter your email address here, and I’ll pick two winners at random on Friday May 29. One gets the grass, and one gets the brick. (My choice who gets what. I run a low tech operation over here.)
And if you’re lucky enough, you can say you own a piece of 26 World Series championships.
There are two irrefutable truths in life: 1 -You will eventually come to realize that everything Dad said was true, and 2 - Custom is always better than off-the-rack.
But with the severance from your "eliminated position," and the job listings on CraigsList both dwindling down to nothing, the closest you've come to "custom" anything these days is "having it your way" on the value menu.
Not anymore. If you want to look your best and ace that next interview (should you actually score one), you won't have to shell out $150 bucks to come in looking like board room material in your one-of-a-kind bespoke dress shirt. $65 will do.
ShirtsMyWay.com is a new service where you can design shirts that not only fit your individual physique perfectly, but with options like fabric and color choice, button hole colors, collar types, cuff style, long or short sleeve and button style, you can create your own unique shirt that can't be found anywhere else.
And there's no limit to what you can create. The guys over at ShirtsMyWay apparently did the math and found over 7 trillion different shirts that can be designed. (You and I were out drinking, these poor bastards were counting shirt options.)
You want to have two different color cuffs? Sure. Line the collar with a contrasting color. Done. Add a pocket in a different fabric? Why not. And there's no extra charge for the detailed customization. Not even when you choose to get the shirt made to measure, instead of selecting a standard size. Their site walks you through the whole process, one step at a time. No need to have ever watched
Project Runway.
They'll even ship it to you free, no matter what country you live in. The only time they hit you with an upcharge is if you want your shirt in 9 biz days, instead of the standard 15. And even then it's only an extra $10.
It's like the value menu just got upgraded to gourmet.
From $65
www.ShirtsMyWay.com
Sure Tommy Bahama is famous for putting guys, other than Don Ho, into Hawaiian... excuse me, "Island"... shirts. Then charging close to a car payment for it. But Tommy is more about the complete "Island Lifestyle" than just shirts with large flowers and/or heavy embroidery.
So it's only natural, in addition to the shirts, hats, shorts, watches, furniture, cafes, and various and sundry other products that let you experience the tropical vibe... even if you live in Boise... that Mr. Bahama would add a couple of premium rums to the collection.
I had a chance to sample both White Sand and Golden Sun, at the rumfest in Miami last weekend, and I gotta tell ya, the shirts may be a bit flashy and overblown, but the rum is smooth and refined. This isn't just a case of novelty licensing, where they get the cheap stuff, and slap a high-end name on it.
Made in Barbados at the legendary R. L. Seale Distillery (they've been crafting rum for more than eighty years and four generations), they start with the best blackstrap molasses and water naturally filtered through coral stone. (Coral stone? I think they have a shirt that color...)
Aged in small batches in smaller barrels to ensure the most flavor, White Sand, a clear, light-bodied rum is aged a minimum of two years in American white oak barrels. With hints of tangy, tropical fruit, it's a great choice to mix with mint and lime for a classic Mojito. (I can say that because I think I had seven of them last weekend.)
Golden Sun, a full-bodied, amber rum, gets a minimum of three years in the barrel. It comes out full-bodied and full of fruit and coffee, able to hold its own against the other ingredients it'll be paired with in a Cuba Libre or Mai Tai.
And since we'll be ringing in summer this weekend, with an extra day to party, I'm thinking you break out your loudest floral shirt, throw some sand on the floor, invite over some chicks in grass skirts, and mix up a few of these island-style drinks. It's what Tommy would do.
(For more info and recipes, surf over to
www.tommybahamarum.com)
Dirty Mojito
2 parts Tommy Bahama Golden Sun Rum
1 teaspoon superfine sugar
The juice of 1 lime
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By Chad Glosier
Do you have one of those hip friends who always give you the skinny on all things cool, and hook you up with some deals? Me neither. Luckily for us, there’s
Mobile Spinach.
No they haven’t made vegetables more dangerous by granting them powers of locomotion, but, rather, have hired a cadre of cool folks – tastemakers, they call them – to cruise the streets of five major cities (San Francisco, LA, New York, Boston, and Miami), seek out the good stuff, get a deal on it, and text you the details.
Then just show up at the place, present your MobileSpinach text as a coupon, and you’ll save on food, booze, hotels, diversions and gear.
These aren't the bargains your dad used to cut out of the Penny Saver and stuff in his fanny pack either. They're deals like half price tickets at Carnegie Hall, free drinks at the Hotel Nikko in San Francisco, and two-for-one golf lessons at the Golden Gate Golf Park.
They only partner with unique local hotels, restaurants, boutiques, and other merchants, to offer exclusive
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I'm thinking my boys over at
TheHoopDoctors.com either have a much bigger HD screen, or a helluva lot more time on their hands, than I do. (Most likely both.)
Which explains their painstaking research to find the long lost celeb twins of NBA stars. Like newly reunited Manu Ginobili and Balki (above), or Kirk Hinrich and American Pie's Jason Biggs (below).
And their number 1? Explains a lot.
Check out the entire list here.
In honor of
Terminator Salvation opening this weekend I give you this spoof (not that Bale's rant didn't spoof this thing enough already), from
Atom.com where a guy from the future comes back in time for a world saving "happy ending."
Pick up artistry, future style.
(Vid is slightly NSFW. Use your own judgement.)
Handjobs For The Future
By Johnny Dunn
Say you get lost in the wild. Are you skilled enough to survive? And no, watching
Man vs. Wild or
Survivorman every week does not qualify you as an expert in wilderness.
Maybe you were on a “family vacation” but your family left you (you’re adopted). Maybe you wondered off too far from the campsite trying to find a secure place to piss without your friends taking pictures. Whatever the case, getting lost in the wild can be a scary and dangerous thing, if you’re not prepared, that is. You could take a full training course in the fine arts of surviving in the wild, or you can just go on and read this four key tips I got from hours of online research. Which, trust me, is just as good...
1. Get Water (Without the urine taste)
First, you need to minimize the amount of water you lose. Water is lost through urine (about 1.5 L per day), perspiration (about .1 L per day), and from the diffusion of water through your skin (about .4 L per day). But a lot of factors contribute to water loss and intake. How hot is it? How much are you moving? It’s extremely difficult to judge how much water you need, but usually it’s around 2.5 L per day in temperate climates. But use your urine as a water gauge. If your pee is clear/light yellow, you’re getting enough water, but if it starts to look dark, you need to drink more.
Next, you need to find a source of water. Look for signs of animals. Swarming insects, like bees or ants, usually indicate a nearby water source. Birds tend to gather around a body of water. An abundance of plants indicates a lot of moisture and water nearby. Or just follow animal tracks, they usually lead to water.
If you don’t find a source of water, you can produce some yourself. Use a plastic bag or create a makeshift bag (the clearer the bag the better) and place it over the limb of a tree or shrub. The more leaves the better. Seal the bag (take a thread of your shirt and tie it around the opening, etc.) and put a weight on the limb (like a rock) so it’s weighted down towards the bag. As the sun heats the bag up, water will draw from the branch and evaporate, eventually leaving condensation on the side of the bag. You can get a cup of water about every four hours using this method. Make sure to use a different branch every day.
2. Create Fire (Heat)
You need warmth almost as much as water. Fire can also cook meat, boil (and purify) water. It is one of the most important tools in your arsenal.
If you have a match or a lighter, this makes the whole fire aspect of survival much easier. But chances are, you don’t have either unless you’re an arsonist and/or chain smoker. (I would add "prepared", but if you were the kind of guy who thought that far ahead, you wouldn't be lost in the wild, would you?)
The first thing you need to do to make a fire is
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I know women love anything that sparkles, but I'm not sure I'm willing to go as far as jamming jewelry in my junk...
Via those frisky ladies at
The Frisky, comes the new - and highly unnecessary - penile accessory: The Penis Plug.
Topped with Swarovski crystals and your choice of other assorted embellishments, they're for the guy who needs a little something extra to to entice the ladies down to his happy zone. ("No, really, it's diamond studded, and titanium tipped...")
And yeah, you guessed right: It gets inserted into your pee hole. (Hence the "plug" in the name.) And since no two willies are alike, you have to have your plug custom fitted by a professional. Professional what, I have no idea, but apparently someone went to school for this sort of thing.
So if your johnson is in need of some adornment, it'll set you back about $150. Steep? Maybe. But a helleva lot cheaper than buying a Porsche.
Sports and reality TV have had a short, uneasy history... “Dream Job,” (ESPN) “Tough Enough” (WWE) and “The Contender” (Boxing) all meeting with varying degrees of success.
Spike TV and Michael Irvin, however, have raised the stakes with “4th and Long,” (Mondays at 10 pm ET), a show that promises a roster invite to Dallas Cowboys training camp to the winner of the 10-episode competition between six defensive backs and six wide receivers. An enticing carrot to be sure, even if it’s the 80th spot on the 80-man roster.
Along with Irvin, former Cowboys Bill Bates and Joe Avezzano show up as coaches, and Nate Newton turns up as The Turk, lending the show a further level of authenticity. (Missing though, is the “real” NFL experience that Irvin was known for – hookers, coke, etc.)
You’d think, then, that the show would rise above some of the standard reality tropes – cheesy music, soft-focus confessionals, aggressive personality “types” – but it slavishly follows the formula.
Still, you can’t help but be pulled into the football. If you’ve never been to an NFL practice, it’s a unique (however scripted), look at the inner workings of the game. Plus, you’ve got hitting, cursing and tons of vomit.
Will we actually see the winner of this show on the sidelines come fall? I seriously doubt it, but it’s a chance for football junkies to get their fix until the real deal comes back.
Have you ever gone camping, and on a day hike you come across a bearded, grizzly man who hasn't seen civilization in over a decade?
It's happened to me. Twice.
First thing I wanted to do is pull out my trusty, portable mp3/video player/phone to show Dan Boone some of society's glorious creations he's missed, starting with the "Chocolate Rain" video.
Oh, but there's one problem, your techno-vision-viewing device is low on power. What do you do?
Enter the Voltaic Systems solar powered backpack. The V-Pack (as I lovingly refer to it), is made entirely of recycled materials, and generates up to 4 watts of solar power which is more than enough to juice up cell and sat phones, iPods, PDA's, GPS's, cameras, and most other handheld devices.
It won't however charge up a laptop. You'll need their
Generator for that. So you'll have to wait to show the survivor man your Hudson Hawk prequel script, but the Voltaic backpack can fulfill most of your other charging needs.
The V-pack, like a portly goth kid, doesn't necessarily need the sun, because the lithium-ion battery pack can be charged up using the AC travel charger, or the car charger. This will keep a surplus of power in your bag, which would quite useful if you find yourself lost in a sunless, post-apacolyptic hell scape.
It comes equipped with 11 standard adaptors that will fit most devices, maybe even that old Intellivision console you've been waiting to break out. Just think, if the hot hippie chick, who works at that vegan restaurant, sees your Voltaic solar bag, maybe she'll finally let you AC her DC.
$249
www.voltaicsystems.com
By Bob Lesher
I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan on climbing Mt. Everest any time soon. Come to think of it, I don’t really have the desire to leave behind my frozen corpse on any mountain. The cool thing is, you don’t have to risk your life to sport the same gear that some of the most insane adventurers in the world are wearing.
The Timex® Expedition® WS4™ is like having a meteorologist sitting on your wrist without all of the chafing and annoying small talk. To call this thing a watch would be like calling the Taj Mahal a tool shed.The WS4 (short for Wide Screen 4-Function) includes a thermometer, barometer, compass, and altimeter. Did I forget to mention it also tells time and has four alarms? Seems like the only thing it won’t do is stop your brain from turning to Cream-of-Wheat on your way up K2.
I know that most of us consider our time at the campground with the cooler and fire pit the true measure of our outdoor skills, but that is no excuse to skimp. To prove that this watch could handle the licking and keep on ticking, Timex tracked down world-renowned Alpinist, Conrad Anker, and had him give it a field run. He strapped on the WS4 and proceeded to head up Meru, a 6330-meter (that’s almost 21,000 feet for the metrically-challenged) peak in the Garwhal Himalaya. That’s a trek that takes a watch with balls.
The Timex Expedition WS4 is available now and it’ll cost you $199. And because looking good never takes a day off, it comes in five Sherpa-riffic colors: yellow, white, orange, black, and blue. Hop on over to
www.timexexpedition.com for more info and while you’re there, check out what Conrad Anker thought of the WS4.
I’ve been watching ESPN for 22 minutes now and I haven’t seen anything yet about Brett Favre.
I want... no I NEED... to know everything about a broken-down, 40-year-old quarterback who was running on empty last season. I know that you have devoted approximately 1,236 hours of coverage to Brett Favre over the last year, but that’s not nearly enough.
I need to know every aspect of his thought process as he decides whether or not to ruin another franchise this season.
Did Favre go to the eye doctor? I want Rachel Nichols on my TV, stat! Was that Brad Childress making a long-distance call? Send Ed Werder to dig through the trash at the Vikings facility right now...
I want an
NFL Live 2-hour special dedicated to examining Favre’s X-rays. Call in all the troops – I am dying to know what Herm Edwards thinks of Favre’s biceps tendon.
Look, you may be sick of Favre taking over the NFL offseason every year with his wishy-washiness, but I’m not. The guy’s a gamer! Just ask John Madden. He "loves playing the game." (But only for the teams he wants.)
Don't forget he wears Wranglers. That’s a man’s man if you ask me.
Who cares that he had 2 TDs and 9 INTs in the Jets’ final five games last season, and looked like Mets-era Willie Mays? He’s got a rocket arm!
And I’m perfectly willing to overlook that his teammates couldn’t stand him – they’re just jealous of The Greatest QB Ever.
So, ESPN, why haven’t you set up the 24-hour live remote feed from Favre’s compound yet? With Erin Andrews (but I’ll settle for Brienne Pedigo), so I can keep track of Favre’s eating and sleeping patterns.
We’re lost without our daily dosage of the Favre saga, ESPN. Please don’t continue to be lax in your coverage – we’re counting on you.
By Bob Lesher
It sure seems like most of the wireless communications device technology we see on the market is targeted to the user behind the wheel. But what about the guys behind the handlebars? I’m talking
Easy Rider, not Tour de France.
When it comes to mixing communication with locomotion, motorcyclists most often have to employ the Turn and Yell method of communication. Did someone say Bluetooth?
Cardo Systems has nestled into a nice niche with their line of wireless communications devices for the biker set. Their latest creation, the Scala Rider® Q2™ MultiSet, brings multi-function wireless Bluetooth communications to the two-wheel market. Imagine CHiPs meets Knight Rider, only with less leather and more gizmo.
If you like to stay in touch without that pesky roadrash, keep reading. With these twin talkers you can keep both of your hands planted firmly on grips as you chat it up with your passenger from over 1600 feet away or dig into your iPod with the built-in mp3 jack.
Yeah, you get two ready-to-use hands-free communications headsets in the kit, but these aren’t one trick ponies. Both headsets employ Cardo’s Multi-Device Connection (MDC) technology, which means you can communicate with several Bluetooth sources at the same time, including your GPS and mobile phone. You want more? They're also equipped with start-of-the-art wind impact reduction, voice controlled receipt and rejection of incoming calls, and gobs of other bells and whistles too numerous to list here.
The new SCALA RIDER® Q2™ MULTISET is now available through select distributors, retail outlets, specialty motorcycle shops, and directly from the Cardo Systems website at
www.cardosystems.com. The set lists for $395.95, a pretty small price to pay for helping to keep your brains on the inside of your skull.
By Bob Lesher
The market for premium cigars has certainly not taken a nap during the economic slowdown. With over 15 billion (yes, that’s a B) of the brown beauties sold in the U.S. alone last year alone, the premium cigar market got a 30% bump in sales over last year. (Must be the bankers celebrating the bailout bonuses.) And when I say “premium” I am not talking about those oversized, pseudo-cigars for which Monica Lewinsky had a penchant. I'm talking about top-of-the-line, impress your friends, smoke with your Cristal, cigars.
And Goldwin Tobacco isn’t going to let a little economic downturn stand in its way. Actually, they are basically giving the one-finger salute to the recession with their latest creation: Ultra-premium Louixs Rosado cigars.
Don’t think Cadillac CTS, think Bugatti Veyron.
It took some serious development effort to bring these bad boys to your local tobacconist, but what emerged from the cavernously moist jungles of Nicaragua after five years, can only be described as the cigar
...There's more
With Chad Glosier
Generally, we’re all for chicks sprucing up downstairs. Whatever they do to maintain the yard (or for some of you guys, let it run wild), is perfectly ok by us. Shaved. Runway. Brazilian. Full-on bushwacker. If they put some effort into for us, basically we're happy.
We figured there was some waxing involved, maybe a little pair if scissors for some last minute trims... and of course those "freshness" products we're subjected to when we watch Grey's Anatomy. (What? We watch it for the chicks.)
But lately, we've been made aware - by sources who will remain anonymous, because it's not like we were out there searching the internet for these crazy things – of some surprising things available to women for the care and maintenance (and in some cases pure enjoyment), of our favorite playground. Here are a few of our favorites, for when you're thinking of the perfect gift, that gives back:
1 - The Cuchini (
www.cuchini.com)
Read my lips: No. More. Cameltoe. (At least that's what the Cuchini promises.)
An elegantly named guard (was "Twatini" taken?), that slips into her panties, this nifty device keeps her apple bottom jeans from riding up into her uterus, thereby eliminating embarrassing pointing from strangers shouting, "Look! She's wearing Helen Keller pants!"
2 - Pubic Hair Dye (
Bettybeauty.com)
I don’t know many dudes who, after their beds lay empty for weeks while they unsuccessfully cruise dive bars for a girl tequila-soused enough to agree to follow him home, might look upon said tequila-soused conquest and say, “Hey! You’re not a real blonde!”
But for those super-self conscious ladies who absolutely need the carpet to match the drapes, there’s Betty, the hair dye for muffs. Specially formulated for the wiry hair down there and not tested on animals – it also comes in festive colors like hot pink and orange to liven up the holidays.
3 - The Tinge (
MyTinge.com)
From the Why Don't We Get One of These Department: Combining all the fun of shaving with the pure joy of masturbation, the Tinge is a razor and vibrator all in one. That’s right, a pleasure device with a couple of razors in one end.
Which should explain why we don't get one. All we'd need is to come home drunk and alone, decide to do some manscaping... with "release"... and we'd end up performing an impromptu
...There's more
We knew Barkley's golf swing was an abomination and a crime against nature, but we had no idea it could be deadly.
From our boys over at
TotalProSports.com, this spectator-shot video of a guy getting drilled in the neck with an errant Sir Charles tee shot. (He lived.)
Although, to be fair to Charles, it really is the guy's own fault. I mean, if you've ever seen Chuck play golf, you'd have to be a complete moron to stand anywhere
in front of him when he swings. And I'm not even sure you're any safer standing behind him. They should be setting up glass around him, like a movable hockey arena, whenever he tees off.
I'm looking at this as Quiznos' redemption for nailing us with the creepy counter dude-on-man toaster "put it in me..."
ad. (I still can't walk past a toaster without feeling violated.)
Instead, we get Playboy Playmate Hiromi Oshima and Kari Nautique making us wish we were a foot long Italian combo, hold the onions.
I think I need a napkin.
(Vid is SFW, just keep the sound turned down.)
ENTERTAINMENT
May 17, 2009
By Gary Benveniste
No party is complete without beer pong, but no game of beer pong is complete without a respectable table. Time and time again I see poor and unfortunate coeds destroying their mother’s hand-me-down coffee table or trying to set up an unstable pyramid of cups on the carpet. It’s sad, really. Amateur beer ponging is becoming an epidemic.
Fortunately,
Pong-A-Long has once again jumped in again in an effort to save the college population, bringing professional beer pong tables to party crowds at an affordable price. You can finally stop torturing yourself with makeshift equipment and own a tournament sized regulation table. Not only does this top of the line piece of craftsmanship come outfitted with a nice, hard, melamine surface engineered for a superior bounce, or adjustable legs for custom gameplay, but it’s portable! Fold this sucker up into a 2x2 briefcase and head to your destination with only the purest of beer ponging intentions.
And they have a summer deal going on where you can save $5 off the already low $99 it costs for one of their pro tables. Just type in the coupon code
SUMMER when you check out.
It’s time to stop staining your living room table with beer and start partying like a professional.
www.pongalong.com
$5 Coupon code -
SUMMER
[Seems one of my sports writers has just about had it with Kobe and his attitude...]
Well, it looks like the Rockets have pushed the Lakers to a game 7 in the Western Conference semis.
And since I can't stand the Lakers, I'm turning to my basest desires to bring me joy: Here's hoping that the Rockets lose and Ron Artest clocks the living hell out of Kobe Bryant.
Artest is all kinds of crazy, and he and Kobe have been yammering back and forth throughout the series. I thought Ron-Ron was going to lose it in Game 2, when Kobe threw a cheap-shot elbow right into his throat and then pretended like he did nothing wrong. But Artest merely got ejected and the series went on without further incident.
Now, however, I'm hoping to see Artest, fed up with what I'm sure will be a hard fought Laker game 7 win, lose his marbles. How awesome would it be to see Artest (trying to keep alive the classic 90s look of words and patterns in your hair) give that smug bastard Kobe the business end of a cheap shot.
Bryant has always been a punk, yet his prodigious talents have given him a free pass for a large part of his reprehensible on-court behavior (I'm not even talking about the Colorado business): running Shaq out of town, feuding with Phil Jackson, virtually ignoring his teammates, sporting prison-quality tattoos, whining nonstop to the refs, etc.
No one has ever really put him in his place. If all goes right, I'm hoping Artest does the job.
By Gary Benveniste
Remember last summer at the beach: Backpack full of crushed snacks and sand, your music trickling out of a cheesy ipod speaker, no girls, a sun-burn, and a lonely teardrop falling to the sand...
The summer of ’09 promises new beginnings with this year’s new model of the BoomCooler. (You can see the post of the original model
here.) The hybrid cooler/stereo/monster truck of monumental proportions. It won’t prevent sunburns, but with the copious amounts of tail that will be flocking your way it won’t really matter.
The premium model is decked out with a Kenwood stereo system, including two speakers, a sub woofer, ipod outlet, and a remote control. Not to mention, the wheels on this baby allow for extreme mobility across any surface. Roll this out to any location, turn on the stereo, and watch as everyone in your vicinity begins to envy and admire you.
Do yourself a favor and consider this incredible invention as your primary summer investment. It runs about $1199. If that’s out of your range, there's always the original version with a sony stereo at about $899.
The only downside is that it’s not recommended for wet storage (so no ice). But since you’re going to be the one bringing the party, maybe some of those deadbeat friends of yours can bring an extra cooler.
www.boomcooler.com
The Roger Clemens “Living in Denial 2009 Tour” had its first stop this week on the Mike & Mike radio show, where the disgraced pitcher stubbornly maintained his stance that he did not use performance-enhancing drugs, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.
Clemens’ next stop? What should be friendlier confines: Houstonist.com, which somehow managed to land the opportunity to have an e-mail chat with the native Texan, who wrote, “I welcome the chance to answer the questions of your readers.”
Surely, Clemens is prepared for the hard-hitting softball questions picked for him by the editors of the site, so I decided to come up with a few of my own...
1 - How does it feel to have your head expand by three sizes? Does it hurt? Did you have to buy all new hats? Cut bigger holes in your shirts to get your noggin through?
2 - What would you like to be most remembered for? Lying or cheating?
3 - Since you threw your wife under the bus, identifying her as a steroid user, would you say the Little Rocket has been grounded in the bedroom?
4 - A 15-year-old Mindy McCready? Really?
5 - Do you think your groundbreaking role as Skidmark in “Kingpin” will help you in prison?
6 - Does Jose Canseco have a better shot into getting into the Hall of Fame than you?
7 - Who’s better at poker? You, Barry Bonds or Alex Rodriguez?
I know you've got some tequila left over from Cinco de Mayo. If not, 1 -Good for you, 2- Go get some more, we've got some grilling to do.
That's right. Grilling. With tequila. I've said it many times before, nothing beats alcohol in a marinade. It helps tenderize the meat, and adds serious flavor.
So this weekend, when you fire up the grill for your Memorial Day dry run in preparation for next weekend's three day barbecuefest, give this Beef Arrachera from Herradura Tequila a try.
It's a flank steak marinated in their 100% agave tequila, garlic and lime, topped with a homemade chipotle pico de gallo. Mix up some frozen margaritas, invite over the senoritas, and you'd swear you were on the beach in Cabo.
Herradura Beef Arrachera (Grilled Garlic-Marinated Flank Steak with Lime)
For the Marinade
3 lbs flank steak
3 Tbsp finely chopped garlic
3 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup Herradura Reposado tequila
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 Tbsp coarse salt
...There's more
By Bob Lesher
I love technology and I love music. They are like my chocolate and peanut butter, my G.I. Joe and Cobra, my Val Kilmer and Batman…no, scratch that last one. What I am trying to say is that with so much good music so readily available on so many wicked cool portable devices, there is no longer any excuse to be without it or to keep it to yourself. Intrigued? I know I am.
The innovators at YUBZ® will have your auditory salivary glands working overtime with their latest creation, the YUBZ MAGNUM™.
Trust me, you need one. The MAGNUM lets you take your music anywhere. It’s perfect for the office, the beach, roadtrips, African safaris, visits to Narnia... you get the picture.
The YUBZ MAGNUM is a brilliant fusion of design and multi-function portable madness. Part black leather-clad show of prowess, and part Bluetooth capable speaker system, it melds the two seamlessly. Not only can you sync it with your Bluetooth 2.0 capable devices to listen to your digital music library in crystal-clear Hi-Fi stereo, but it doubles as a wireless speakerphone. Amp your tunes through this sleek cylinder and when a call comes in it’ll let you know with an audible signal. Push the power button to talk and when you’re done, push it again to bring back the music.
The YUBZ MAGNUM is powered by either 4-AA batteries (not included) for about 10-hours of tympanic membrane tingling scintillation or with the included AC power adapter for non-stop action. It has a range of about 30 feet (10 meters) and, oh yeah, forget about having it roll around in your back seat. It also comes complete with a carrying case to keep your newest addition cozy and safe. Pre-order it now on
YUBZ.com for about $130. Your music will thank you.
By Bob Lesher
You’re an audiophile. You know who you are. Stacks of limited edition LPs are piled on your treadmill. You hold sacred your pristine 1982 pressing of the Clash’s Combat Rock. Yeah, vinyl still has a place, but the world is digital, right? Where have all the turntables gone? You want your Frampton Comes Alive to do just that. Enter Stanton DJ.
The Stanton T.55 USB turntable is hitting the stores hard, and it’s not just for professionals and house music. The T.55 turntable is a state-of-the art piece of professional-grade vinyl-stroking beauty that also gives you the ability to take your favorite records and rip them into high-fidelity digital mp3. Just jack into one of your Mac or PCs USB ports (it also has S/PDIF) and use the included software to bring it home.
Did I say it was simple? Cakewalk Pyro Audio Creator ™ and Audacity ™, make it easier than a Lionel Richie ballad to archive your collection for use on any MP3 player. You can even edit the tracks and clean up those pesky pops and clicks if that’s your thing.
So the next time you are staring at your dust-covered vinyl copy of Boy’s Don’t Cry wishing that you had saved that Mickey Mouse record player from when you were a kid, just wipe that tear from your cheek and remember that Stanton DJ has your back. Grab the new T.55 USB turntable now. Play it straight or rip it, either way you’re in good hands. Now get to spinning.
The T.55 USB turntable retails for $199 and comes with a non-slip mat, dust cover and replacement head right in the box. You can get hooked up at leading music retailer and check out
www.stantondj.com for more info.
HUMOR | SPORTS
May 14, 2009
Summer is upon us. (Even if it doesn't feel that way for some of you...) And nothing says summer more than tipping back a tall cool drink made with some great rum. Preferably on a beach somewhere, surrounded by bikinis.
Last week Andrea from Cruzan Rum came down to Ft. Lauderdale, and invited me and a bunch of friends to dinner and a rum tasting. Along with an education on their rum. An offer we couldn't refuse.
Here's the condensed version of what we learned (what I can remember after a three hour rum tasting...): It's pronounced "CREW-zshin" not "crew-ZAN", and is named for the inhabitants of St. Croix where it's distilled. The company is family owned and operated for generations. There are 165 windmills on the island that grind sugar to get the molasses they use in the rum. And they use a 5-column distillation process to remove all the impurities and create a clean, smooth taste. And I will tell you, that in blind tastes, all six of us picked Cruzan every time.
Two of the drinks we had that night got top reviews and are perfect for kicking off your summer, so I'm posting them below. The key is the float of their Black Strap, a molasses-heavy rum that adds a serious flavor punch. Trust me, you'll want to make sure to include it. Now your job is to go find some bikinis...
Single N’ Stormy
2 parts Single Barrel
4 parts Ginger Beer
...There's more
In this, the post-Stiffler age, anyone and everyone, except for my mother thankfully, is familiar with the terminology MILF. Nano-seconds after its inception, countless variations were spawned, the AHILF (Applebees Hostess I'd Like to F@ck), SMILF (School Marm I'd Like to F@ck), FLILF (First Lady I'd Like to F@ck)... the list goes on and on. So why not one more.
So, last Friday I found myself thumbing through my copy of
The Illiad and wistfully lamenting on the fact that I actually enjoy sitting home alone on a Friday night thumbing through a copy of the freaking
Illiad.
It got me to thinking of my favorite GILFs, Goddesses I'd Like to... you get the drift. The goddess - technically forbidden fruit for humans, fantastically hot, and possessors of astounding superpowers - is a woman that any self-respecting mortal would give his proverbial left life-seed-giving-orb for a shot at. I mean, she's a friggin Goddess. With that in mind I give you my Top 5 GILFs.
5. Hera
Wife of great and powerful Zeus, she's the older hot chick you wish you could just have a night of sweaty, depraved fornication with and then go your separate ways.
Though thoust shall check thyself hence thy wreck thyself, Hera is quite the jealous one. Crazy jealous. Bunny boiling jealous. She's the one who sent two snakes to kill Zeus' bastard son Heracles when he was just an infant. A goddess who's worth a good romp (the crazy ones usually are), but definitely a couple tacos short of a combination plate.
4. Artemis
The goddess of the hunt, she's the outdoorsy kind of guy's goddess who will bang you six ways til Sunday and
...There's more
Nice job by Shawne Merriman of selling an injury on the set of his Powerade commercial. Always nice to see pampered entertainment industry ego-bags shit bricks at the thought of having to pay the Chargers for another missed season.
By Bob Lesher
Have you ever thought to yourself “I’d love to have high-def in my trailer or party tent or one-bedroom center of excellence, if only I could find a smaller, quality screen that wouldn’t leave my wallet as empty as the talent pool on American Idol?” Well, wonder no more. Your prayers may have been answered and Westinghouse Digital is taking the calls.
At the 2008 CES in Las Vegas, Westinghouse announced that it would launch 14 (holy shit) new HDTV models in 2009. Among the litter, there is the SK series of entry-level (720p/1080i) space-saving models that range from 26” to 37”. Touted as affordable, high-quality HDTVs, the Westinghouse SK-line looks to the consumer that doesn’t have the space (or second mortgage) for 55” of lip-smacking, crystal clear 120Hz wall candy. This cost-conscious, possibly new-to-HDTV market now has even more options to confuse the hell out of them. Can you say advanced colorimetry, 6.5ms response time, and 450 nits brightness? Bring it.
The middle child, the 32” SK-32H635S LCD HDTV, a step up from last year’s SK-32H730S, features 720p/1080i native resolution and a variety of inputs including Component, Composite, VGA, SPDIF, and HDMI. It is also equipped with an ATSC, NTSC, CATV, and Clear QAM TV tuner. The 16:9 aspect ratio, 6.5 ms response time, and 2500:1 contrast ratio should stave off any pangs of buyer’s remorse. There may still be those critics that question the necessity of more marginally-improved HDTV products in a seemingly glutted market, but there is one thing that’s for sure - They’re here, they’re clear, get used to it.
The SK-32H635S LCD HDTV will be vying for your bailout dollars this June. Look to shell out about $430. That equates to about $16.50 per inch in case you think that way.
GEAR | ELECTRONICS
May 12, 2009
By Chad Glosier
In just two weeks, the swine flu has swept the continent, turning otherwise normal people into otherwise normal people scared shitless of a sneeze.
Some say it’s just a mildly serious springtime strain, but if you've ever played a video game, you know this is just how it begins. First a sneeze, then a fever, then next thing you know you're wandering the mall in a zombie-like trance feeding your insatiable bloodlust for fresh brains.
The government? They're not going to help. If video games taught us anything about epidemics, it's that we are going to have to form a resistance and fight thing this ourselves. So here is your guide to surviving the H1N1, and the resulting Swine Zombies...
Step 1: PANIC!
Oh shit! They’re everywhere man! Everywhere! Grab a weapon. Anything. Guns preferably, but bats, chainsaws, ninja stars, laser canons, whatever you can get your hands on, and get out of there. If your vehicle is not on fire and the streets are not already blocked from the mayhem, abandoned vehicles and/or military roadblocks, then take to the roads, and head for the hills.
Step 2: Find Shelter:
If you can't get to a safe, rural location, you should stick to well lit areas, remain quiet, and treat your wounds quickly... because apparently victims can now smell your freshly clotting blood.
Step 3: Fight Your Way Out
This thing is airborne, they don’t even have to bite you, so if you see someone cough or sneeze, take no chances: aim for the whites of their surgical masks, and await extraction from an uninfected helicopter pilot.
Helipads on hospital roofs are your best bet, but getting there is always tough, because that’s the first place victims go when they first exhibit symptoms, so the place is lousy with them. Along the way, be sure to grab additional ammo and new weapons in safe houses or at shady dealers, both marked on your map. (Holy Jebus, you remembered the map, right?)
Step 4: The Cure
There is a cure for these things: a vaccine or pills, maybe some sort of tropically grown root... and you should find it and take it immediately to prevent yourself from becoming one of those... those things. The first place to search is a local laboratory associated with a shady pharmaceutical company or a secret government organization.
Step 5: The Inevitable Showdown
There’s no time to make enough of the antidote to cure all the infected. No, you must get to the source and take it down, because it controls the other zombies telepathically (or some shit – we don’t know how zombies work). But they are probably all being controlled by Patient Zero, the poor bastard who got infected first.
Do not be fooled by its seeming innocence or lack of defense. You will have to find out its weak point, which it will needlessly expose to give you a hint. Make sure to say something cool when you kill it, because that’ll be the end... one of the side effects of curing the epidemic is a conspicuous lack of plot resolution.
Congratulations, you’ve survived the epidemic. Remember, influenza epidemics resulting in zombieism generally strike in the winter, but can happen at any time. Remain vigilant, and if you see someone exhibiting signs of an animal related disease, don't take any chances, shoot and run.
HEALTH | HUMOR
May 11, 2009
By Bob Lesher
Computer gaming is hot. Literally. With games becoming more and more complex hardware manufacturers are racing to keep up with the demand. This challenge has hit the portable market right in the face. Serious gamers drool over pimped-out laptops crammed to the gills with high-performance processors and ultra-fast video cards. The problem is they pump out the BTUs faster than a Swine Flu outbreak. So why care? Two main reasons, really: overheating and unhappy gamers.
NZXT, a leading manufacturer of notebook cooling systems has just announced the launch of the Cryo S High-Performance Notebook Cooler. Sized for laptops up to 15”, this gotta-have-it-gadget for the gaming set has countered the local warming problem with amped up cooling fans and the wicked fast heat transfer performance of aluminum.
The brushed aluminum Cryo S is outfitted with two 120mm variable-speed fans and a rubber finish that lifts the laptop up off the cooling surface for increased airflow and enhanced performance. The Cryo S can be powered either by USB or the included AC adapter. There are also two additional USB ports because you can never have enough of those. Game on.
Retailing for $49.99 the new Cryo S is available this month on Newegg.com. For specs, glamour shots and more info on the NZXT Cryo S visit
www.nzxt.com
Love glove. Jimmy hat. Rubber. Salami sling... whatever you call 'em, condoms should be a part of your shack pack, even if you hate them.
And, yeah, we hate them. Gotta stop the action. A pain in the ass to put on. Lost sensitivity. But either way. We need them. So over at LifeStyles Condoms, they've come up with the SKYN to make riding the rubber raft a better experience.
Non-latex and ulta-thin, they've gone through clinical trials to prove they can stay intact even during heavy action with a whiskey-soaked stripper, and actually enhance sensation during use. (That's a study I would have volunteered for.) And unlike many other non-latex condoms, they provide protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
But LifeStyles didn't stop at giving you more sensation and better protection. To give you an even more interesting ride, they came up with the Vibrating Ring. Exactly. Vibrating. Ring. A multi-use love toy, you can buy at the local, respectable drug store, slide on, and buzz for more fun for everyone. (Which I can attest too... because in the interest of providing you with accurate product reviews, I personally tested the ring. Over several weeks. Just to be sure. And it works...)
And because I want your weekend to rock, I'm giving away a LifeStyles prize pack of two SKYN three-packs PLUS a vibrating ring. Call in for Chinese takeout, because you and your girl aint leaving the house for a few days.
All you need to do to grab one of the 5 prize packs I'm giving away, is
click here and enter your email addy. On Friday, May 15, I'll let you know if your weekend is looking up. (I'll expect a "thank you" email from your girl.)
And if you want to check out the infamous and controversial Condom Fairy commercial, head to
www.lifestyles.com/skyn
Having a "hair crisis" or just want some free stuff?
While supplies last, BG readers can get a sample pack of AXE's new hair products, including a travel size of AXE 2 in 1 Shampoo + Conditioner, Messy Look Paste for that just-out-of-bed look, and their Spiked-Up Look Putty for heavy hold during nights at the club.
They sent me a bunch to try, and in all honesty it wasn't the cheap crap I was expecting. It more than held its own against the $30 and $40 designer stuff I usually review. So I gave some to buddies to try and, yup, they dug it too. (Tip: If you're a guy who uses gel, pomade, putty, etc. check out the De Glue shampoo and scrub.)
So all you need to do to score some for yourself, is post on the wall of Facebook.com/axehaircrisisrelief with “Ladies and AXE, [then describe your personal hair crisis]. Help me out” and, this is important, add a link back to this post, so they know you came through this BG promo and they'll ship out your goods.
And if your hair needs special attention, upload a photo of yourself to the fan photos section and the first five guys get personalized feedback and advice from our celebrity stylist, along with product.
Get yours before they run out.
Facebook.com/axehaircrisisrelief
Not that we don't honor her all year long, but Mom's special day is this Sunday. And since the vast majority of you will - as a thank you for birthing you, feeding you, teaching you how to behave, loving you unconditionally... and a lifetime of kissing boo-boos and generally covering your ass - be sending Mom some flowers.
Fair compensation? The thought behind them is. And since there's a myriad of ways to screw up when ordering flowers, I turned to Aron Benon, CEO of
HonestFlorist.com, to get the inside info, and make sure your Mom's day isn't ruined by your local florist. (I figured he had to be telling me striaght... he's got "Honest" right in his name.)
Here are his Top 10 things you need to look out for when you order Mom those flowers:
1 - EXTRA CHARGES FOR ORDERS PLACED VIA PHONE:
Many online florists charge more – as much as $7.00 more - for orders received over the phone. At Honest Florist, we recommend orders be placed online to save money. Often, online florists don't tell you about this extra charge until after your order is placed.
2 - ORDER EARLY OR RISK SLEEPING IN THE DOG HOUSE:
Many online florists will accept your order late in the day on Mother’s Day, but don't tell you the risk that your flowers will not be delivered that day due to the sheer volume of orders placed and processing. When you call or write to complain, they will offer you an alternative delivery date, but not before you have spent the night in the cold.
3 - BEWARE OF TACKY SUBSTITUTIONS:
Almost all online florists and flower shops will substitute your order if they cannot fill it as promised. Usually florists will call you, but in the rush of Mother’s Day, sometimes they will substitute and you will find out about it after seeing the flowers or hearing about them.
4 - ALWAYS USE A CREDIT CARD:
You can always
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BUYING GUIDES
May 07, 2009
Here's what we know about Jäger: It comes in a square green bottle, it tastes somewhat like licorice, and it has the ability to remove clothing from college girls.
But ask what the logo means, or what that German writing says around the label, and you'll get met with blank stares. (Although, to be fair, ask anyone drinking Jäger
anything and you get met with blank stares.)
I did get an answer once, from a female bartender wearing a Jager promo shirt, when I asked her what the deal was with the deer and cross on the logo. (Actually, she caught me staring at her chest, and that was my cover.)
Her answer, while pointing at said chest (and you can
click here to see the full sized logo and follow along): "See the circle? It's an O, so that stands for 'Oh.' The deer means 'Dear.' And see the cross with the lines radiating out? It makes you think of what? God. So the logo means 'Oh Dear God.' Get it?"
Oh, yeah. I get it. And those of you who've ever woken up after a Jäger Bomb-filled night get it too.
Since then I figured I had the inside line on the secret of the cross and deer. Won a few bar bets with it, too.
But then I spoke to my new friend Kate over at Jägermeister, and bragged how I knew the deal. She said, "Not true."
Not only not true, but she'd never heard that story. Then she laughed at my guy gullibility, believing anything a hot chick tells me. (Damn tight shirt wearing female bartenders.)
But because I gave her a good laugh, Kate said she'd give up the real story. And so here it is, word for word, right from the Jäger files:
"For centuries, St. Hubertus has been the patron saint of hunters. According to the legend, in his youth, Hubert was a wild and unrestrained hunter, without responsibility towards the creatures that he hunted and captivated by the drive to kill.
Even on the holy day of Sunday, he set off into the forest with his dog and rifle and cared little about the day of the Lord. Until one
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More "porn without sex" hilarity from James Gunn. This time it's super tramp Belledonna making Alan Tudyk (Serenity, Dodge Ball) an offer he can't refuse... or apparently go through with.
Sure tequila is the only choice for CdM celebrations, but that doesn't mean you can't add a little multicultural flair to the fiesta.
Mix in some "Ah so" to your "Ole!" tonight, with this new recipe from best selling Sake producer, Gekkeikan.
It mixes their new naturally-carbonated, sparkling sake,
Zipang, with tequila, fresh juices and jalapeno.
Sake and tequila? With jalapeno? Pure insanity. And a drink just made for parties.
They call "Better Cinco." I call it a "Ninja in a Sombrero."
Better Cinco
1 1/2 parts Tequila Ocho Reposado
3/4 parts Fresh Mango Puree
3/4 parts Fresh Lemon Juice
1/2 parts 50/50 Simple Syrup
1-2 parts Henry Savard Blanc de Blancs
Slice of fresh Jalapeno
Muddle jalepeno with fresh lemon juice. Add all other ingredients to mixing glass except champagne. Shake well with ice and strain into an ice filled highball. Top with Zipang. Garnish with a wheel of jalapeno and slice of mango. Wait for the explosion.
A stunt driver on the set of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice", Nicolas Cage's new movie filming in Times Square, crashed into a crowd of people while shooting a scene. (Insert "Nic Cage's biggest hit in years" joke here.)
A couple of people suffered minor injuries. A few others said they "felt nauseous" when they found out Cage had a new movie in the works.
The exclusive video below is from the
NY Post.
ENTERTAINMENT
May 05, 2009
From the Technology We Didn't Know We Needed Department...
Still using that velcro strap on the back of your hat to adjust the size for a perfect fit? Loser. That's so 2008.
The latest (and most full-on ridiculous) hat technology comes from
Nobis and their new Caps_Lock. Here's how it works: there's a dial on the side of the hat that you turn, controlling an adjustable headband concealed inside the hat, creating, and I quote, "perfect closure and tension around heads of various sizes."
Perfect for those of you with a head of various sizes.
The real genius behind the technology is that you can easily adjust the tightness of your hat "on the fly" for such emergency hat situations as, and I'm quoting again, "varying conditions such as wind and temperature, tightening the headband for a more secure fit in wind, or loosening it in hot weather to increase airflow."
Try that with your plastic thing that snaps together.
$50 - Available at Nordstroms
www.nobis.ca
Cinco de Mayo is one of the biggest days of the year for eating avocados. According to the California Avocado Council, 51.2 million pounds of avocados will be consumed. And that's just at Rosie O'Donnell's house.
If your Cinco celebration includes having some señoritas over for a fiesta, here are a couple of recipes you can easily whip together - created by chefs "Too Hot Tamales," Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger - that take full advantage of the avocado's flavor and versatility. And will make you look like un hombre grande in la cucina.
(For other recipes, hit
www.CaliforniaAvocado.com)
Chicken and California Avocado Skillet Chilaquiles
Serves: 4
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cooking Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 25 minutes
1 cup tomato salsa, medium heat
2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1/2 cup half-and-half
1 cup shredded cooked chicken
6 cups corn tortilla chips
1 cup cubed panela cheese
2 ripe, fresh California avocados, seeded, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch dice
...There's more
Stupidest question ever asked: "Want to know what it's like to wake up next to Megan Fox?"
As obvious as that is, Esquire Magazine's got the answer for you, with their exclusive video of her "typical day"... going from bed to bathing suit for a photo shoot.
I will say this: Ms. Fox apparently spends a lot of time lying down. Not that any of us are complaining.
You'll have to
click here to see the video... those selfish bastards at Esquire wouldn't give me an embed code.
ENTERTAINMENT
May 04, 2009
With an array of influences including Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails, LA-based rockers Endless Hallway just dropped their debut disc "Autonomy Games" last week, featuring a "primitiveness that rock’s been without for too long."
And I've got 5 copies, signed by all 5 band members, to give away.
From the explosive guitar-driven album opener “Autonomy Barrier” to the glam-rock-ish first single, “Solvency” and "Cell," Endless Hallway is bringing back blood and guts rock.
And this summer you can see them live this month, when they open for Gavin Rossdale.
You can preview the tracks at
www.endlesshallway.com and see for yourself.
Then
enter your email addy here, for a shot to grab one of the signed copies. I'll pick 5 of you at random on Friday, May 8.
And when they get huge, you can say you've been listening to them for years. (Then sell the signed copy on eBay and buy a new car...)
www.endlesshallway.com
ENTERTAINMENT
May 04, 2009
When you're pouring the tequila freely tomorrow night and mixing Cinco de Mayo margaritas, you're gonna want to have some food on hand. And nothing is better than something to dip those tortilla chips into.
Queso dip? Sure it’s a Mexican tradition, but it’s also full of artery-clogging fat, and you don't want your heart exploding like a pinata.
Instead whip up some authentic guacamole. By that I mean skip the store bought stuff. Since you don’t need any kitchen skills other than the ability to cut some stuff into small pieces, mash other stuff in a large bowl, then mix them together, there’s no excuse not to have fresh at the party. And below you'll find a recipe for Guacamole Authentico from the California Avocado Commission. (For other avocado recipes,
click here.) Great taste. You can't get any fresher. And no chemicals or preservatives. (How do you think they keep the avocados from turning brown in the store bought stuff?)
If you’re having dinner at the party, skip the thick sauces. Salsas are lighter, tastier, and with so many variations, they can turn plain grilled chicken, fish and pork into gourmet masterpieces. (Even though all you had to do was chop, mix it around in a bowl, and spoon it over the top.) For chicken I recommend an Avocado Salsa... for fish, spoon some Mango Salsa over the top for a great tropical spiciness... and top a sliced pork loin with Strawberry Avocado Salsa for a unique sweet and savory experience.
Add some margaritas, and you've got a midweek fiesta that can be thrown together without having to bail from your cube early. Getting to work on time Wednesday? Different story.
Guacamole Autentico
(Recipe courtesy of the California Avocado Commission)
4 ripe avocados, peeled, seeded
1 tsp ground cumin
1 ripe, medium Roma tomato, seeded, diced
1/2 Cup minced sweet white onion
2 serrano chilies, seeded, minced
...There's more
From my buddies over at
Manvite, here's a new feature I'm going to have for you every month: Your Guy Event Calendar.
We'll let you know about all the important stuff going on that you may want to get the guys over for... or build a party around. (Any excuse, right?)
Then you can head over to Manvite, make up an e-invitation (without all the frilly borders and pictures of kittens you get on other invite sites), and mail it out. Boom. Instant party.
This month there's plenty to celebrate:
You've got the Kentucky Derby on the 2nd... break out the whiskey...
Then there's Cinco de Mayo on the 5th... or as we're calling it at my place, Tequila Tuesday.
Megan Fox has a birthday on the 16th, and I will definitely be celebrating the day she was born...
And don't forget Memorial Day, the official start to summer, beer, bikinis, and barbecue.
Click here for a larger image of the calendar you can print out or use as wallpaper. Or for you PDF fans,
click here to get one of those.
I'll be expecting your invites.