Every man's home is his castle. And we all know where the throne is.

Forget pimping your ride, the folks over at Roto-Rooter want to pimp your toilet. And it's about damn time. According to their research, the average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom, (Not counting the people who frequent Taco Bell. Including them would have blown the curve. Pardon the pun.), over a lifetime. For those of you bad at math, that's one year, four months and five days. On the toilet. (They need to contact the Preparation H people. I smell strategic partnership gold here.)

You can enter to win this one-of-a-kind contest, now through April 2, 2007. The lucky winner will be announced on April 25th, National Plumber's Day. (Kicked-off nationwide, as it is every year, with the celebratory plunging of the White House Presidential toilet.)

Want to know what you're crappy toilet is missing? (Again, pardon the pun. It's seriously just too easy.) This tricked out john is outfitted with every feature a modern king could want in a bathroom throne, and is fully loaded with the following "luxury enhancements": (Absolutely none of which I made up.)

-- Philips(TM) 20-inch flat panel LCD TV
-- Xbox(TM) 360 gaming system
-- Philips(TM) DVD player with Star Wars DVD
-- Gateway(R) EMachine(TM) laptop computer with fully articulated robot arm
-- iPod(TM) with stereo docking station equipped with toilet paper
dispenser
-- Roto-Rooter "emergency" button
-- Tivo(TM) digital video recorder (DVR)
-- Avanti(TM) refrigerator with beer tap, stocked with drinks and snacks
-- Magazine rack
-- Bike pedal exercise system
-- Electric cup warmer / cooler

I'm with ya on the LCD TV, the Xbox, even the DVD player. But come on... an electric cup warmer/cooler and REFRIGERATED BEER TAP??? Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a nice cold beer as much as the next guy, but I guess I'm pretty traditional. I like mine at a ball game, on the couch watching TV. Not while dropping the kids off at the pool. We're are talking serious drinking problem there. (I also have to wonder what a visiting chick has to think of a guy's mental state who has all this in his bathroom. I would bet she flees. Quickly.)

For those of you who just can't get enough gaming, net surfing, movie watching, or exercising, while you take care of nature's business, head over to Roto-Rooter.com and enter.

Good luck, and I've got the number to the Preparation H Emergency Hotline for you.