Bare with a Flair Men's Wax - a NY hair salon recently began offering a new service to its male clientele. First they give your hair "down there" a little trim with an electric razor. Then they wax you either completely bare or into a Brazilian. The choice is yours. Still with me? It gets better. You then select the Swarovski crystal tattoo design of your choice, to be applied to your freshly waxed nether region "as high or as low" as you wish. The most popular is the Sizzling Fireburst. How appropriate. Cost: $205. Chances I'll be doing it: 0

Boob Mouse Pads - Sure they're funny. And they feel more real than half the women in LA. But if you're buying these for anything other than a gag gift for a buddy's bachelor party, you need to move out of your parents' basement.

Spiritual Perfume - Inspired by a Biblical formula, the new perfume called Virtue has been designed to remind the wearer of God. And yes, it has frankincense and myrrh. Seriously.