It's Super Bowl time. Which means any company that has anything to do with toilets is jumping for joy. (I guess tens of millions of people consuming beer and greasy barbecue is cause for excitement.) Case in point: Scott Tissue.

According to Scott, on Super Bowl Sunday 90 million toilets will be flushed at halftime, because most guys watching on TV wait until then to use the bathroom. (And since this year's halftime show features Prince, I don't blame them. But more on that in a later post.) That mass flush, dubbed The Great Halftime Flush, will use as much water as flows over Niagara Falls in seven minutes. As legend has it, this causes some pipe systems to overload and explode. Others clog. Meaning instead of watching the third quarter, you're plunging and mopping.

In the interest of preventing this (and selling toilet paper) they have created an online "clog clinic" with tips from experts on how to prevent clogs. Spokesperson for this year? Mike Ditka. Because when I think of Mike Ditka, I think of clogged toilets. (Watch Ditka's video on the site. It's off the charts on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.)

If that isn't bizarre enough, they have games, like the "Know Your Flush Game" (no, I'm not kidding), 10 uses for the plunger you'll apparently never need again, and the "Share Your Cloggiest Moment" contest where you tell them your most traumatic clog story and you could win $25,000. Imagine the poor bastard who has to read those entries. "I had just finished my fourth Jumbo Bean Fiesta Burrito, when I felt this strange rumbling..."

Scott Clog Clinic