What goes better with booty and pillaging than rum and swashbuckling? How about haiku? C’mon, you mean you’ve never put pirates together with a classical Japanese style of poetry consisting of 17 moras in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 moras respectively? Don’t bother looking up what the hell a mora is. That’ll be 5 minutes of your life you’ll never get back. Instead, spend some time asking yourself why anyone would want to write a book of pirate haiku.

Maybe it’s because the market was already flooded with Serial Killer Sonnets or maybe it’s the only product niche left untouched since the release of the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Whatever the reason, if your wish list has a book of pirate-inspired three-line poems that don’t rhyme, we’ve got you covered.

Slated to hit store shelves in plenty of time for the Christmas rush, Pirate Haiku: Bilge-Sucking Poems of Booty, Grog, and Wenches for Scurvy Sea Dogs by NY Times bestselling author Michael Spradlin, is just the thing for that hard-to-buy-for lover of 18th century water-borne criminals and Far Eastern poetry styles. Need more proof? It’s filled with hilarious and clever three-liners like:

Pirates are simple.
We like rum, guns, wenches. And
Women like bad boys.

And my personal favorite: Rum tastes really good.
Especially when you have
Been shot in the arse.

So if you’ve got a craving for some funky pirate poetry (and who doesn’t), your void is about to get filled. Crank that wheel hard to starboard and heave ho over here to get your very own copy for $9.95. Or just pillage and plunder a bookstore near you.