Like most guys I don't know what cleanser is meant for what stain, or which one is too abrasive to use on my countertop. Nor do I care. My brain can only store so much information. And right now it's being used for phone numbers and NLCS results.

I've always wondered why someone didn't just invent a cleaner that guys could use on everything. That way I could get my whole place clean with one bottle, and have room under my sink to store more beer.

The inventor of Holy Cow All-Purpose Cleaner sent me a bottle and told me it would not only clean everything from soap scum, carpet stains, and tile grout, but would also degrease my car engine, clean stains off the garage floor, and bring my BBQ grill back to looking new.

OK. But I'm pretty sure sulphuric acid will too. And I'm not going to use that in my shower.

But she assured me the cleaner is organic, biodegradable, and doesn't have a single harmful chemical. It's safe enough for a child to use.

So I tried it at The Pad. It got off layers of grease that had been forming for years. It got out a stain on my carpet that was there so long I just told people it was part of the pattern. Amazing. Worked on everything. And it's the least expensive cleaner I've tested.

The Pad is so clean I'm gonna invite a date over so it doesn't go to waste.

$3.99 for a 32 oz. bottle. Available at Ace Hardware, Walgreen's, and supermarkets nationwide.

www.holycowproducts.com