Lynn Spears, mother of the serial-marrying, head-shaving, umbrella-wielding, drunken-driving, baby-endagering Britney, and freshly knocked-up jailbait Jaime Lynn, has a book deal to write a guide book on parenting. On. Parenting. (I'll let that sink in for a minute.)
Thankfully, someone at the publishing house regained consciousness long enough to Google Mrs. Spears' children and decided maybe her parenting advice shouldn't be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public. And postponed the book "indefinitely".
Since book publishers seem to equate "famous" with "expert", here is a list of some other misguided celebrity expert guides we'd like to see:
Coming Back Stronger: How I Used Holistic Healing to Speed My Post-Surgery Recovery, by Andy Petitte
Silence is Golden, by Rosie O’Donnell
101 Cold Remedies, by Jim Henson
Success and the Humble Executive, by Donald Trump
Instruments Are Optional: The Art of Night Flying, by John F. Kennedy, Jr.
How to Satisfy Your Woman Every Time, by Clay Aiken
Coast to Coast Daddy: The Long Distance Nurturing Parent, by Alec Baldwin
At the Beep - The Voicemail Etiquette Handbook, by Pat O'Brien
Your Guide to a Long and Successful Marriage, by Pam Anderson (with foreword by Britney Spears)
Walking, by Christopher Reeve
Cooking with Tuna, by Jessica Simpson
The Altruistic Citizen: Creating a Tolerant World, by Michael Richards (with foreword by Mel Gibson)
One Day at a Time: The Benefits of Rehab, by Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan
Religious and Spiritual Freedom for All, by Tom Cruise
Snow Mogul: Advanced Skiing Techniques, by Sonny Bono
Keeping an Open Mind: Everyone's Opinion Counts, by Ann Coulter
Spare the Rod: Compassionate Canine Obedience Training, by Michael Vick
Buns of Steel, by Jennifer Love Hewitt
No Means No, by Mike Tyson (with foreword by Kobe Bryant)
The Gentle Man's Guide to Lovemaking, by Marv Albert
The Older the Grape, The Sweeter the Wine: The Joy of Sex With Women Over 18, by R. Kelly
Winning Ways, by Cam Cameron, Head Coach, Miami Dolphins
Everyday Sanity, by Paula Abdul
The Executive Conscience: Business, Ethics, and Putting Your Employees First, by Kenneth Lay and Jeff Skilling
Singing Live!, by Ashlee Simpson, with special contribution by Milli Vanilli
Gadar- How to Tell if He's Really Into You, by Senator Larry Craig
Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Wife - The Important Commandment, by Bill Clinton
Conversations Are a Two Way Street: How to Speak AND Listen, by Bill O'Reilly
Staying On Top: Maintaining a Successful Career After Winning an Oscar, by Cuba Gooding Jr.
Pulling Out, by Kevin Federline
Words Hurt - The Art of Constructive Criticism, by Simon Cowell
Flight Plans for Dummies, by Steve Fossett
The Right Dress for Any Occasion, by Ellen DeGeneres
Locker Room Confidential- What Happens Here, Stays Here, by Jose Canseco (with forward by Jim Bouten)
Intelligent Leadership, by George W. Bush
(And, if I become famous enough, maybe someone will publish my expert guide:
Writing Humorous Satire, by The Bachelor Guy)