Dear Jesse -

Let me start this off by saying I'm a fan. I've got mad respect for a guy who comes from nothing (not counting your legendary outlaw heritage), says FTW and does shit his way, and builds a multi-million dollar empire. While along the way dating porn stars, and marrying one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood.

Which is why, when my buddy Tony from SoCalGlamourGirls.com emailed me last night with the news that one of his models had been having a year-long affair with you, I thought he was messing with me. Especially after I saw the pics of the (heavily tattooed)other woman, Michelle Bombshell. (Note to Michelle: Nothing personal. Tony tells me you're awesome. But an Academy Award winner? Well, that's a whole 'nother level...)

Then I hit the InterGoogles. And saw that the story was breaking all over the place. Apparently, and allegedly, while your wife was off working on her Oscar-winning performance while filming The Blind Side, you were playing hide the "Vanilla Gorilla" (Michelle's nickname for your tool), back home.

Dude. I know you've got a thing for inked women. And porn stars. And inked porn stars. I'm sure the action in the sheets is off the Freak Factor charts.

But you worked your way from the grease-stained floors of the garage to the polished marble floors of the mansion. Traded overalls for tuxedos. And left behind professional sex toys to score one of the top earning celebs in the world. One with looks AND class.

You made us proud, and gave hope to guys everywhere who never thought they could rise above the streets.

Then you traded a woman with an Oscar on her mantle, for one with a tattoo on her forehead.

So my my only question is: What. The. FUCK?

Fondly,

BG

[Note to readers: In case you're undecided on which side you fall on, famous or freaky, there is a visual comparison of Jesse's girls after the jump. Who ya got?]

...There's more

The DVD for Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, the sequel to one of my personal favorite movies of all time, dropped yesterday. So to celebrate the return of the MacManus brothers, who come back to Boston to clear their names and seek revenge on the guys who framed them for murder (while gun play ensues...), I'm giving away a prize pack.

One of you lucky readers is going to take home the Boondock Saints II DVD, the official movie poster, and... my favorite part of the pack... a Boondock Saints beanie. (Could I have thrown in "VERITAS" and "AEQUITAS" hand tattoos? Sure. But my lawyer had a nervous breakdown.)

To enter to win the pack, all you need to do is enter your email addy here. And on Wednesday March 17th (St. Patty's Day. Fitting.), I'll pick the winner at random. Making sure the contest is Aequitas.

Last week I got an email from one of my buddies at Gunaxin.com asking me if I wanted to be on their podcast, imaginatively titled "The Gunaxin Show."

Since Larry King won't return my calls, and NBC made the usual NBC-ish decision to show Ice Dancing instead of real Olympic sports that night, I said sure.

The result is about 20 minutes of what might be loosely referred to as "entertainment," where hosts Mike and Jay and I discuss drinks, parties, whether overalls are a fashion statement (spoiler alert: they are, only if you leave one strap hanging and go shirtless underneath), and what I like to call "Jim Belushi Syndrome." It's truly 20 minutes of your life you'll never get back.

But should you decide you have a full hour you're not doing anything with, give the entire show a listen. You'll be treated to Zach, talking about an article he wrote called "Thirty Hollywood Stars Who Were Huge in the 1990’s But Are Now MIA" and an in-depth explanation of the MPAA ratings (including what video rentals could get you added on the Megan's Law list.) What happened guys... was Kato Kaelin busy that day?

Hint: While you're on the site, click the link on the right for last week's show. They talk to BG favorite and Cyber Girl, Candace Rae, about staying out of trouble at the Playboy Mansion. Beats picturing Jay in his overalls.

Click to listen to the show.

Green Zone opens next Friday, and it's got Matt Damon as an Army officer Roy Miller, who goes all "Bourne again" as he searches for Weapons of Mass Destruction. (We still haven't found those?)

Also in the Zone are Greg Kinnear and Amy Ryan, who played Steve Carrell/Michael Scott's love interest, Holly, on The Office back before the show completely (and unfortunately), jumped the shark.

And if you've seen the trailer (which is below), you know to expect a lot of fight scenes, bad guys getting shot, car chases and explosions. Exactly what I'm looking for in my weekend escapist entertainment.

So to get you in the Green Zone mode of international intrigue and espionage, I'm giving away an iPod Nano. Not exactly standard issue spy gadgetry, but close. It's small enough to stash anywhere, yet has 8GB of storage to hold all your top secret data (read: music and video), has a polished anodized aluminum case for that hi-tech "Bond" look (note: it's not a Green Zone branded Nano, so it won't be covered in tell-tale logos should it fall into enemy hands), has a built-in FM radio tuner, and takes voice memos and shoots video for those recon missions you've been dying to go on.

All you need to do for a chance at winning the Nano, is enter your email address here. And on Monday, March 8, I'll pick one of you to bring it home. Then you can join Damon in the hunt for those WMDs.

If you've ever wondered how Black Eyed Peas front man, Will.I.Am prepares for a show (I just figured they unplugged Fergie from her recharger, and found a couple of other guys to dress up and dance around), check out this mini documentary by Danny Clinch for the Gillette UNCUT music film series.

Clinch went behind the scenes to get an inside look at how Will.I.Am gets ready mentally and physically for his concerts. (And because it's sponsored by Gillette, he also gives some shaving tips... nothing like learning how to shave from a Grammy-nominated artist...)

According to Mr. I.Am, "Preparation and practice are key ingredients to what I do, whether it’s in front of 100,000 people in concert or 100 kids in a club. From how I look and what I wear, to every single beat that gets played, I do everything I can to eliminate all doubt before hitting the stage."

And I'm sure that includes making sure Fergie is vertical before the lights go up.

(To see the other mini documentaries in the UNCUT series from Tim McGraw, Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 and the All-American Rejects featuring Tyson Ritter head over to www.shavelikearockstar.com)

How do you not get excited about the opening of Brooklyn's Finest on March 5th? (Trailer below.)

It's from director Antoine Fuqua, the same guy who brought us Training Day (and made Denzel the baddest bad cop since the Bad Lieutenant), and stars Richard Gere, Don Cheadle and Ethan Hawke, as three "conflicted New York City police officers" involved in a massive drug operation, with Wesley Snipes as one of Brooklyn's most infamous drug dealers. (Nice to see Snipes back in a movie where he doesn't have to sport a bizarre haircut and wear some ridiculous costume.) So you know bullets will be flying, blood will be spilled, and stuff will get blown up.

To get you in the mood for this soon-to-be guy classic, I'm giving away a Brooklyn's Finest poster along with a DVD bundle of the cast's recent films. Included is the aforementioned Training Day with Hawke and Denzel, Traitor where Cheadle does an action hero turn, and revenge-fest Law Abiding Citizen

For a shot at winning the action-packed prize pack, just enter your email addy here. http://www.thebachelorguy.com/contest/win-a-brooklyns-finest-poster-and-stars-dvd-bundle.html Then on Friday the 26th, I'll randomly pick one of you to win. That simple. In the meantime, check out the extended trailer for Brooklyn's Finest below.

Between the chicken wings, the beer, and the Saints come-from-behind win to keep the Brothers Manning from winning a 3rd ring in 4 years, was the mini film festival known as the Super Bowl Commercials.

Like in previous years, there were a lot of hits, and a bunch of misses. Along with a couple of apparent new trends in advertising: Head slapping and (disturbingly) men without pants.

And in case you were at the cooler and missed a few, you can use this widget from Hulu to watch all 91 ads that aired:



My personal favorite was the Doritos: House Rules spot, where a kid sets his mama's new boyfriend straight about what he should keep his hands off of. Instant classic.

Rounding out my Top 5 are:

NCIS Head Slap - A promo for CBS's show where they replace the handshake with a head slap. Something I wouldn't mind trying for a few months.

Career Builder: Casual Friday - Some poor bastard works in an office where everyone prefers working in their tightie-whities. Not pretty.

Snickers: Betty White - Watching the great Betty White get her ass handed to her during a pickup football game is worth watching over and over.

Bud Light: Voice Box - Everyone drinking Bud Light gets the T-Pain/AutoTune treatment... funnier than it sounds.

Honorable Mention: The E*Trade: Girlfriend spot was good, but i can't get used to the new kid.

The weirdest spot of the night has to go to the "TruTV with Punxsutawney Polamalu" ad. Won't spoil it for you, use the widget above to check it out... but let's just say it was the most surreal ad I've seen in a while.

The biggest misses? Gotta go to the Boost Shuffle spot. They brought back the Bears for a parody of their classic Super Bowl Shuffle... and it was about as anticlimactic as the ending of Avatar. And less funny.

And the GoDaddy ads were a huge disappointment. Yes Danica is hot... but I've seen sexier shampoo commercials. Daddy needs to Go back to the originals.

Dane Cook (the Dane Cook of comedians), is performing live tonight and you can catch the stream right here below.

And if you want to buy in for 5 hours of exclusive live coverage, just click here.

To make it more interesting, every time Dane laughs at one of his own jokes, take a drink. I guarantee complete intoxication 12 minutes into the show.

Sure this is one of those "Ads Disguised as a Video" but who cares? The family that the "fun" in dysfunctional is finally back for one more vacation.

The Griswolds will be going to Hotel Hell in a short film (read: long commercial) for vacation rental website HomeAway.com. The ad/film will air on Super Bowl Sunday. And I'm betting it's gonna be so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles. We'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah out of our assholes.

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Valentine's Day is just a couple of weeks away... and this week's best of The Toilet Paper, hits you with everything you wanted to know about Cupid's favorite day.

The Number: 15%
Percent of U.S. women that send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.

You can bet, in this same group of women, each has a cache of D batteries under her bed as well.

The Quote:
"The greatest gift is a portion of thyself."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher, and poet

Ralph, you dirty dog. Who knew the leader of the transcendentalist movement could be so hysterical? The average “portion” given by a dude is roughly 5.5 inches.

The Word: Je t’aime

1. French for “I love you.”

... in case you can’t commit to saying it to her in English.

The Fact:
Teachers receive the most Valentine’s Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then sweethearts. Children between ages six to ten exchange more than 650 million Valentine cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

Still stinging from the diss in fourth grade, Karen? You know who you are.

The List: Eureka! (Great Gift Ideas)

Jennifer Meyer Initial Necklace Pretty, sparkly, and much sexier than a name tag. Just don’t mix up your current girlfriend with an ex or a mistress and get the wrong initial.

Interlocking Pillowcases Not recommended for relationships less than a week old or for junior high sweethearts with strict parents.

White Leather Heart Book Finally! Somebody has made a white leather heart notebook!

Don Quixote First Edition Books For the bibliophile girl who deserves the best of the best, the rarest of the rare, and the hardest to find of the hardest to find in literature.

Casablanca, Collector’s Edition One of the best love stories captured on film, now in a special collector’s package for die-hard Bogart fans. Let her “bogart” your joint while you watch the film.

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