I was in a shoe store this weekend, trying to find a pair of casual, but not too casual, brown shoes. [The ones I have, and love, are apparently "too casual" to wear out to dinner. So says a certain female].

It was bad enough that in the store there were so many pairs of pink, green, yellow, and purple dress shoes for men that it looked like the Muppets exploded. But what I saw next really chapped my ass.

Above-mentioned female and I were looking at some shoes next to a display of belts. The belts were in a variety of bright pastel colors and had large, elaborate, rhinestone-covered buckles in the shape of lizards, coiled snakes, gaters, skulls, whatever, on them.

Salesguy asked if we liked them. Said they were new. Above-mentioned female answered, politely, that they were very nice, but she had too many rhinestone covered belts already. "No, no," says Salesguy, "these belts are for men."

These. Belts. Are. For. Men.

I looked at the display again. Maybe I missed something. Nope. Same as before: pink and red and orange and bright green. With colored rhinestone-encrusted buckles. And more stones frolicking down the leather.

For men? I was dumbfounded. And apparently my expression projected my shock to Salesguy, so he follows with "Oh, yes. And we are selling them like crazy."

Like. Crazy.

Guys. Help me out here. If you can tell me a situation where it is ok for a guy to wear an orange belt with a rhinestone-encrusted gecko on it, tell me. I want to know. Please. [Ok. Maybe a country music video. But even that's pushing it].

I read GQ. I read Esquire. I consider myself pretty knowledgeable and fashion-forward. But this? I'm not buying it. And neither should you.