Going to a New Year's party and can't find a date? Imagine if you could ask any woman in the world, and she'd say yes. Even if you live in your mother's basement and aren't allowed near the Fry-O-Lator at the Chubby Burger. Who would you bring?

Blockbuster recently did a survey where they asked men what female celebrity they'd most like to escort to a New Year's Eve party. Here's the top five:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Halle Berry
4. Reese Witherspoon
5. (tied) Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Oprah Winfrey.

The most surprising thing about the survey results? No, not that Oprah was in the top five. She's the most powerful, interesting woman on the planet, and just from a sheer conversation standpoint, would make a great guest to bring. Just don't get too drunk, and don't let her steer you towards the bedroom.

What surprised me most was how low Angelina was. Below Reese Witherspoon. Nothing against Reese, but show of hands... given the choice between Angelina and Reese, who is taking Reese? Thought so. I'm going to have to attribute her low showing to the Brad Pitt Intimidation Factor.

My top five?
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Jessica Alba
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Halle Berry
5. Jenny McCarthy (Jenny. Nonstop champagne. That's a party.)

Guess what I got for Christmas? Besides the usual assortment of gifts, I got one of the nastiest head colds I have ever had. Sore throat. Headache. Burning eyes. Clogged sinuses. Achy everywhere. Bad.

So I left work early to come home and make my usual "feel better meal" - chicken soup and toast. As I'm waiting for the toast to pop I start thinking about all the toast gadgets I've been pitched lately that are all over the market right now: toasters that make designs in toast, ultra modern hi-tech toasters, I love toast t-shirts...

Maybe I'm just cranky from all the NyQuil cocktails, and the fact that no matter what I eat it feels like I'm swallowing sandpaper balls, but is there really a need for designer toast? Did I miss the memo saying toast is the new Hallmark card?

I can promise you this, you will never hear a story that starts: How did Daddy and I fall in love? Well, Molly, one day your father made me a slice of toast that had "You're Hot" burnt into it...

There is no faster way to involuntary celibacy than serving your chick a slice of toast with a smiley face on it. It's the breakfast food equivalent of wearing Spock ears to bed.

Resist the urge. Keep toast simple.

This is what would happen if you took a bunch of bored guys, an endless supply of beer, and locked them in a thrift store for a weekend.

I smell reality show gold. Get Mark Burnett on the phone.

From Funny Town.

Hey. Remember high school? When the good-looking, popular kids wouldn't let you sit at their table? Or talk to them? And you didn't have a prayer of getting a date with any girl even remotely connected to the cheerleading squad?

Well you can relive that humiliating time once again. The popular kids grew up, learned how to program HTML, and started themselves a dating site. And only other good-looking people need apply.

HotEnough.org dispenses with the usual personality profiles and compatibility surveys, and gets right down to it: Is this person hot enough? (Who cares if we like the same kind of music, as long as we're both hot!)

Prospective members must supply three recent photos, one must be a full body shot, (naturally), and HotEnough's staff of expert judges (who all have Ph.D's in Hotology) will rate you on a scale of 1-10. Score lower than an 8 and they send you a virtual wedgie and stuff you into a locker.

For those of you who just can't think of what to get her this year...

Our friend Max Hawthorn from GoNOMAD.com left for Sweden on the 15th. He'll be there all week, and will be blogging about it on his site here.

He's promised lots of pics of beautiful blonde Swedish women, so check often.

And for those of you thinking of traveling to this land of tall, beautiful blondes he'll no doubt have some great advice and tips for you.

In the newest form of hand-to-hand combat, competitors all over the country are slowly getting off their couches, brushing the pizza crumbs off their shirts, and putting down their video game controllers, to compete for $50,000 in prize money at the USA Rock Paper Scissors League Championships.

Yes. You read correctly. Rock Paper Scissors LEAGUE. Championship competition. $50,000 prize.

The USARPS, started in 2005 by Matti Lesham and Andrew Golder, (who, because they have to be making money at this, are my new heroes), has grown to more than 10,000 competitors at 325 regional events. And it's sponsored by Bud Light. Seriously. Last year 264 finalists competed at the championships in Las Vegas, which aired on A&E (corporate slogan: "Hey, at least we're not Bravo").

If you were a playground RPS demon, are willing to risk the likelihood of severe injuries such as hand cramps, or a sprained scissor finger, and you want to compete for the title, you can click over to www.usarps.com and find the regional tournament near you.

While you're there, sign their petition to have the coin toss at the 2007 Super Bowl replaced with a game of Rock Paper Scissors.