The Bachelor Guy » Forget MILFs. Here are The Top 5 GILFs (Goddesses I'd Like to F*ck)

Forget MILFs. Here are The Top 5 GILFs (Goddesses I'd Like to F*ck)

05/13/2009

By Dorian Cirillo-Murray www.albinochameleon.org

In this, the post-Stiffler age, anyone and everyone, except for my mother thankfully, is familiar with the terminology MILF. Nano-seconds after its inception, countless variations were spawned, the AHILF (Applebees Hostess I'd Like to F@ck), SMILF (School Marm I'd Like to F@ck), FLILF (First Lady I'd Like to F@ck)... the list goes on and on. So why not one more.

So, last Friday I found myself thumbing through my copy of The Illiad and wistfully lamenting on the fact that I actually enjoy sitting home alone on a Friday night thumbing through a copy of the freaking Illiad.

It got me to thinking of my favorite GILFs, Goddesses I'd Like to... you get the drift. The goddess - technically forbidden fruit for humans, fantastically hot, and possessors of astounding superpowers - is a woman that any self-respecting mortal would give his proverbial left life-seed-giving-orb for a shot at. I mean, she's a friggin Goddess. With that in mind I give you my Top 5 GILFs.

5. Hera
Wife of great and powerful Zeus, she's the older hot chick you wish you could just have a night of sweaty, depraved fornication with and then go your separate ways.

Though thoust shall check thyself hence thy wreck thyself, Hera is quite the jealous one. Crazy jealous. Bunny boiling jealous. She's the one who sent two snakes to kill Zeus' bastard son Heracles when he was just an infant. A goddess who's worth a good romp (the crazy ones usually are), but definitely a couple tacos short of a combination plate.

4. Artemis
The goddess of the hunt, she's the outdoorsy kind of guy's goddess who will bang you six ways til Sunday and then split a six pack of High Life with you.

3. Demeter
She presides over agriculture and fertility, basically the goddess of things that grow. Hey Demeter, I got something growing right now that I need you to preside over. (I'm beginning to realize why I spend my Friday nights alone.)

2. Athena
The goddess of warfare, Athena sprung forth out of Zeus' severed head already donned in full battle gear. She's a bad ass bitch, who doesn't fuck around. A night with Athena would probably be like living inside that sex tape featuring former WWF wrestler Chyna,
or banging a Jersey club girl.

1. Aphrodite
It goes without saying she is the goddess of all goddesses, her immortal sex being seriously on fire. Who would have thought throwing Uranus' nuts into the sea could have brought about such a nubile and desirable being?

Sadly, Zeus, in order to avoid "Flava of Love" type quarreling amongst the gods, married her off to Hephaestus, the Olympian equivalent of Joe Liebermann. She's had temples built for her, statues carved for her, and festivals thrown for her, but I'm pretty sure above all that, she'll totally dig topping out my GILF list.

WOMEN

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Comments

Kris wrote:

I can totally relate to Hera. I loved reading this Dorian. MORE PLEASE!

05/13/2009 11:52 AM

Aleta wrote:

Great topic and as a huge fan of Kings of Leon, I appreciated the reference to Aphrodite's sex being on fire. I agree with Kris's comment more please!

05/13/2009 12:04 PM

Meghan wrote:

Good stuff!!

05/13/2009 12:15 PM

Ed Crosby wrote:

Persephone is the hottest cause she fucks bulls. Or at least gets fucked by them. Okay raped but, yeah she's the one.

05/13/2009 01:56 PM

biggie wrote:

just bone'em all!!!

05/13/2009 02:34 PM

Vagabond wrote:

This should be titled: Greco-Roman goddesses I'd like to fuck.

05/13/2009 02:43 PM

Medb wrote:

This should be titled: My Knowledge of Goddesses is Limited to What I've Seen In Disney Movies

05/13/2009 02:51 PM

Elizabeth wrote:

LOVE it! More from Dorian!

05/13/2009 03:06 PM

adri wrote:

Nothing but the truth....jajajajaajaja!

05/13/2009 03:34 PM

Dorian wrote:

But who doesn't love the Disney movie where Uranus gets his balls chopped off and thrown into the sea.

05/13/2009 03:39 PM

joey wrote:

nice i took some mythology courses in college, and I always wondered which one would be the best. I'm old though and GILF, MILF, and BYAILF did not exist yet.

05/13/2009 04:38 PM

Spain wrote:

That Artemis is my kinda chic---er, goddess. We athletic chicks are the best romp around--I tell you that competitive spirit (not to mention endurance) are even more useful in bed than they are in pick-up ball.

I prefer the PBR myself, though. It's the white zin of beers.

05/13/2009 04:54 PM

James wrote:

This guy rules, more, more, more!!!

05/13/2009 06:00 PM

Actaeon wrote:

You should rethink Artemis. Trust me on this one

05/13/2009 07:30 PM

Brian wrote:

I'm glad Athena made the list. She's also the goddess of wisdom, so she'll be... uh... wise... in bed.

05/13/2009 09:09 PM

m bison wrote:

GILF is already grandmas id like to fuck. like yours.

05/14/2009 02:28 AM

Jeremiah wrote:

Any true follower of mythology would decry the absence of Gabija, Lithuanian goddess of fire and hearth, or Wadjet, Egyptian serpent goddess, from this list. You could also make a case for Anu, Celtic mother goddess, who according to some cave inscriptions in Arklow, could suck a sliothar through a stag antler horn.

Editor, please make sure all future postings one this topic are done by someone more well-versed in in more than just the popular mythological hotties your average Clash Of The Titans fans would know. Disappointing.

05/14/2009 11:00 PM

dan wrote:

damn guys, the man's written a humorous article, not a dissertation . . .

05/15/2009 02:07 AM

ken wrote:

Thanks for the article. And while Artemis came to mind quickly, I'll second the rethinking comment. With my luck, I'd be another Acteon getting torn apart by my own dogs simply for seeing her naked. Bet she has a tramp stamp, though...

05/16/2009 09:09 AM

Greekman wrote:

You just list the five main goddesses in greek mythology and pass it off as a list of all. Try some other mythologies

05/16/2009 01:58 PM

tomasz wrote:

"wah wah wah, everyone on the list is Greek or Roman!" so? it's not meant to be a serious list , you sad fuckers

05/18/2009 09:56 AM

Aaron L wrote:

Ha sweet! Only now you owe me a new illiad, the pages of mine got all stuck together...

05/19/2009 05:06 PM

Infinatelygone wrote:

It's all Greek Goddesses and art. The Romans sprouted after the Greeks and took their ideas and made a little version of Greece, which is now called Italy. For one of the billion examples: "Aphrodite" which is originally the Greek Goddess of Love, the Romans some thousands of years after the Greeks originally created and built her, later, rebuilt that same statue of Aphrodite and all they did was changed the name to Venus De Milo. They did that with all the Greek art and mythology. Art history major here. So the term Greco-Roman is not the authentic term. Its just all originally Greek. Consider this fact of a life time, since people seem to be distorting the facts of history and giving more credit to the duplicators, (the Romans), and not to the originators, (the ancient Greeks). ;>
P.S, I would penetrate all of them, except for the fact that i don't possess a "phallus", since i am a chick,,,"Phallus" is the Latin word for penis, which once again derived from the Greek word "Phallos", which stands for fertility, erect, potent, penis,, the giver of life,,,hehe. The latin language derives from the Greek alphabet, which is another potent hint that the Romans came so after the Greeks and basically would not of been the Romans, Italians, if it was not for the ancient Greeks, whom they developed their Latin language and dialect from the Greek alphabet, and art, architecture, and the list wonders on..................If offended, just go do the intelligent decision and educate yourself,,,read, research, learn, become aware of the truth,,true knowledge is power,,. More potent and powerful then your phallus or clitoris, which in the end of the day is just a little penis that didn't quite make it at your conception, in your mother's womb, on your gestational period..,,yes that is what we females are.,...;>

05/24/2009 12:56 PM

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