Forget MILFs. Here are The Top 5 GILFs (Goddesses I’d Like to F*ck)

In this, the post-Stiffler age, anyone and everyone, except for my mother thankfully, is familiar with the terminology MILF. Nano-seconds after its inception, countless variations were spawned, the AHILF (Applebees Hostess I’d Like to F@ck), SMILF (School Marm I’d Like to F@ck), FLILF (First Lady I’d Like to F@ck)… the list goes on and on. So why not one more.

So, last Friday I found myself thumbing through my copy of The Illiad and wistfully lamenting on the fact that I actually enjoy sitting home alone on a Friday night thumbing through a copy of the freaking Illiad.

It got me to thinking of my favorite GILFs, Goddesses I’d Like to… you get the drift. The goddess – technically forbidden fruit for humans, fantastically hot, and possessors of astounding superpowers – is a woman that any self-respecting mortal would give his proverbial left life-seed-giving-orb for a shot at. I mean, she’s a friggin Goddess. With that in mind I give you my Top 5 GILFs.

5. Hera
Wife of great and powerful Zeus, she’s the older hot chick you wish you could just have a night of sweaty, depraved fornication with and then go your separate ways.

Though thoust shall check thyself hence thy wreck thyself, Hera is quite the jealous one. Crazy jealous. Bunny boiling jealous. She’s the one who sent two snakes to kill Zeus’ bastard son Heracles when he was just an infant. A goddess who’s worth a good romp (the crazy ones usually are), but definitely a couple tacos short of a combination plate.

4. Artemis
The goddess of the hunt, she’s the outdoorsy kind of guy’s goddess who will bang you six ways til Sunday and then split a six pack of High Life with you.

3. Demeter
She presides over agriculture and fertility, basically the goddess of things that grow. Hey Demeter, I got something growing right now that I need you to preside over. (I’m beginning to realize why I spend my Friday nights alone.)

2. Athena
The goddess of warfare, Athena sprung forth out of Zeus’ severed head already donned in full battle gear. She’s a bad ass bitch, who doesn’t fuck around. A night with Athena would probably be like living inside that sex tape featuring former WWF wrestler Chyna,
or banging a Jersey club girl.

1. Aphrodite
It goes without saying she is the goddess of all goddesses, her immortal sex being seriously on fire. Who would have thought throwing Uranus’ nuts into the sea could have brought about such a nubile and desirable being?

Sadly, Zeus, in order to avoid “Flava of Love” type quarreling amongst the gods, married her off to Hephaestus, the Olympian equivalent of Joe Liebermann. She’s had temples built for her, statues carved for her, and festivals thrown for her, but I’m pretty sure above all that, she’ll totally dig topping out my GILF list.