If you think carrying around an attaché case full of gadgets embossed with “007” will get you Pussy Galore like a real British super spy, then Sony has a deal for you.

In anticipation of the upcoming James Bond film “Casino Royale” hitting theaters on Nov 17th, Sony is releasing The Bond Collection, featuring limited edition and numbered, black, 007-branded models of their VAIO portable PCs, Cyber-shot digital camera, Bluetooth GPS receiver, and Micro-Vault storage device. It all comes in a black attaché with a foam insert, (cut out for each piece just like real spies have!), a “Welcome Kit”, certificate of authenticity, and an 8x10 glossy of Dame Judi Dench’s M in lacy black lingerie. (I made that last part up.)

You can choose from the TX bundle, with its small laptop PC and display privacy filters, (so your enemies can’t see your top-secret plans for the Miller presentation next week), or go for the UX bundle, with the pocket-sized, fully functioning, micro PC with 4.5 inch screen, and the GPS receiver.

If the close-to-four-grand price tag is a little steep on the government salary you receive from Her Majesty you can purchase the digital camera and Micro Vault individually. Even top super spies have to start somewhere.

From $3200 for the bundles. Available November 10 exclusively online at sonystyle.com/casinoroyale, and at Sony Style stores nationwide. Preorder now.

Thousands of screaming fans. Whiskey-soaked tour buses. Filled with whiskey-soaked groupies. Non-stop parties in the world's hottest clubs. A legitimate reason to wear your hair freakishly long and dress in ridiculous spandex pants in public. It can all be yours. You just need to learn to play first.

But you don't have years to devote to "learning", or "practicing". No. This is the Internet age. Everything is available with a mouse click. And you want to rock out NOW.

For you impatient Eric Clapton/Jimi Hendrix wannabees, (or, for you poor I-want-to-seranade-my-girlfriend-and-show-her-I-am-as-sensitive-as-John-Mayer bastards), grab a Fretlight guitar. They look, feel and play just like a standard acoustic or electric, with one important difference: the advanced polymer fretboard that features a series of embedded software-driven LED lights that tell you where to place your fingers.

Plug the Fretlight into your computer via the provided USB cable, fire up the Guitar Power software, put your fingers on the little red lights and rock on, dude.

With over 3000 chords, 500 scales, and 30 interactive lessons included, you have everything you need to become the next great rock legend. Except the hair gel and tattoos.

From $429.95 www.fretlight.com

Anyone out there remember when National Lampoon had a magazine? I'm talking back before the Griswolds set out for WallyWorld. At the time I was too young to understand the brilliance of their biting satire – and was too busy flipping through copies trying to catch the one or two shots of boobs found in each issue.

I'm older now. I've gained enough sophistication to understand and appreciate satirical genius. Unfortunately the magazine ceased publication years ago. (Thankfully, boob shots are readily available on the Internet.)

But fans of parody can rejoice once again. National Lampoon Press has released National Lampoon Magazine Rack. It's over 200 pages of dead-on, hilarious send-ups of classics – including "Playdead", "Pethouse", "Consumed Reports", and "Famine Circle" – as well as new material like "Trophy Wife" and "The Hollywood Retorter".

Some of the classic stuff was first published over 30 years ago and will still make you laugh out loud. Forget stuffy art books for your coffee table. Throw something you'll actually enjoy reading on there. And if someone gives you crap about it, tell them you're a connoisseur of classic satirical literature. Then hit them with it.

$17.95 Available at booksellers everywhere. www.nationallampoon.com

Night time peeing. Peeing. At night.

Sure no one likes to talk about it. But it's a fact of life. Especially if your life involves late night drinking.

Not to get too personal, but I, myself, tend to frequently "get up and go", if you will. Especially after a long night out.

One thing I've found is guys fall into either one of two categories: You either turn the light on, or you are a shot-in-the-dark kind of guy. (Then there is the small minority who sit when they go at night. I'm not even going to comment).

Me? Shot-in-the-dark all the way. Turning on the light makes it harder to get back to sleep once I stumble back to bed. I'd rather deal with the mess in the morning than lie awake the rest of the night.

I found something recently that I think benefits either camp. The Johnny-Light. It's an easy-to-install green light that shines into the bowl when the seat is lifted, and goes off when the seat is down.

Leave the seat up all night and it's bright enough to light your target, but not too bright to keep you awake. Great for when your drunk buddy crashes on your couch. And perfect for certain other (read: female) overnight guests who might otherwise end up doing a midnight splashdown.

$12.50 www.johnny-light.com
(The demo video on the site alone is worth a click. Trust me.)

Contrary to what you might think, being The Bachelor Guy isn't all chilled cocktails and screaming groupies. I know, I know. Shocking. Sure we have to post a guard at the entrance to keep the ladies from storming the door, but much of the time I am chained to my desk testing products and writing about stuff you need to know.

This means I spend a lot of days eating at my desk. And some nights. A lot of the time I can tell what I had for lunch yesterday by just looking at my keyboard. You can turn it over and shake it all you want. But those crumbs are not coming out. It's like there is some sort of electromagnetic bond between crumb and key.

You hardcore gamers out there know what I'm talking about. I'm sure you've been tempted more than once to turn a hose on the thing. So did the guys over at Unotron.

They developed a completely washable keyboard featuring their SpillSeal Technology that feels and responds like any other keyboard. It's also great for those of you who work in hospitals or other places where contamination is an issue. Or for when the tech guy in your office, who hasn't bathed since Labor Day, needs to install an update, and uses your computer for an hour. Now you can break out the disinfectant and get back to work.

Available in wired or wireless, it's built to endure repeated washings. They even have a washable mouse, for those of you with sticky fingers.

So go ahead. Order that greasy grilled reuben for lunch tomorrow.

From $45.99 www.unotron.com

I'm pretty sure if Austin Powers were to ask Basil to design a remote control he could use to set the mood for some serious shagging, the result would be close to Monster Cable's Home Theater and Lighting Controller 300.

Let's say you're looking to set a mood of your own. You have a date over for dinner and a movie. You're on the couch finishing the last of the wine. You suggest starting the movie. She moves in closer.

At this point you can, A: Get up, run around dimming lights, turning on components, putting in the DVD, getting the sound system adjusted, fumbling with multiple remotes. Or, B: Grab the HTLC 300 and do it all from the couch. With her head on your shoulder.

If you answered A, you can stop reading right now. You're hopeless. Those of you that chose B, read on.

The HTLC 300 is part of the Z-Wave Alliance, a group of more than 125 companies that use Z-Wave as the standard for wireless control. What does that mean? This baby can control everything from your TV, DVD, VCR, CD player, Tivo, iPod, thermostat, appliances, game systems, satellite radio... the list goes on. All from the comfort of your couch. Or bed. (Note: To control, for example, your lighting or thermostat, additional plug-in modules are needed. Like the Intermatic HomeSettings Starter Kit pictured).

You can even save lighting presets for different moods, like "Party" or "Romance". And the OmniLink IR Blaster makes pointing pointless. This remote works through walls, floors, cabinets. Control the whole house from one spot.

The set up is incredibly easy, thanks to the Set-up Wizard that walks you through everything. Even Austin couldn't screw it up.

HTLC 300 $599 www.monstercable.com
HomeSettings Starter Kit $175 www.intermatic.com

Tickets to the game: $85

Parking across from the stadium: $20

Hot dog from the vendor: $6

Not spending a friggin' fortune on beer because you smuggled in your own: PRICELESS

(Resorting to a clichéd – and grossly overused – ad to start this email: Unforgivable.)

The mad-geniuses over at Under Development, Inc. have come up with a must-have guy product that had me both laughing out loud, and blown away by its sheer brilliance: The Beerbelly.

Part canteen, part covert-ops gear, this strap-on, insulated, neoprene sling holds a removable bladder that keeps up to 80 oz. of liquid libation under wraps for game-time enjoyment. Simply pop out the concealed drinking tube and enjoy. Spring for the optional Pleasure Extender Cold or Hot Pack, and keep your drink the perfect temp deep into overtime.

And don't think the Beerbelly is limited to stadium use. Enjoy a few cocktails at the movies. While on line at the DMV. Have a much needed drink, or three, while your girlfriend tries on every pair of jeans in every store in the mall. (For that use alone these guys deserve a Nobel Prize.)

$34.95 for the Basic Beerbelly. $49.95 for the Deluxe Kit.
www.thebeerbelly.com

Your first drink is on me. Enter coupon code: BGSENTME during checkout and get $6 off your order.

Can't decide whether to be a card shark or a pool hustler? I know. It's a tough decision. Both careers let you have a cool nickname. "Amarillo Slim." "Minnesota Fats." "The Dream Crusher." "Fast Eddie."

Both give you an excuse to hang out in bars all night. Either could land you on ESPN. The pots are richer in poker, but more women are willing to play pool with a guy. Tough decision.

So try this: Poker Pool. The peanut butter cup of games, it's two great games that play great together.

Using a special set of balls decorated with eights thru aces of hearts and spades, and a joker "wild card", the object is to shoot the best poker hand. Two, three, or four players can compete at a time in a number of card games including Draw Poker, Stud Poker, and 21.

Think you've mastered billiards? Test your shot-making ability from 9-ball, your strategies from 8-ball, and your skills from one pocket. It's a whole different ball game.

Speaking of game... as I've mentioned before: pool is a great way to break the ice with the ladies. So grab your balls, head down to the bar, and show 'em something new and different.

$179.95 www.playpokerpool.com

Like most guys I don't know what cleanser is meant for what stain, or which one is too abrasive to use on my countertop. Nor do I care. My brain can only store so much information. And right now it's being used for phone numbers and NLCS results.

I've always wondered why someone didn't just invent a cleaner that guys could use on everything. That way I could get my whole place clean with one bottle, and have room under my sink to store more beer.

The inventor of Holy Cow All-Purpose Cleaner sent me a bottle and told me it would not only clean everything from soap scum, carpet stains, and tile grout, but would also degrease my car engine, clean stains off the garage floor, and bring my BBQ grill back to looking new.

OK. But I'm pretty sure sulphuric acid will too. And I'm not going to use that in my shower.

But she assured me the cleaner is organic, biodegradable, and doesn't have a single harmful chemical. It's safe enough for a child to use.

So I tried it at The Pad. It got off layers of grease that had been forming for years. It got out a stain on my carpet that was there so long I just told people it was part of the pattern. Amazing. Worked on everything. And it's the least expensive cleaner I've tested.

The Pad is so clean I'm gonna invite a date over so it doesn't go to waste.

$3.99 for a 32 oz. bottle. Available at Ace Hardware, Walgreen's, and supermarkets nationwide.

www.holycowproducts.com

Bond ordered his shaken for a reason. Did it have something to do with flavor? No idea. Ask a bartender. But I can tell you it had something to do with style.

Imagine Sean Connery in his white tux jacket, sliding between two 70's film bombshells at the casino bar, and ordering his drink, "Stirred, with that little swizzle stick over there." I am shuddering in my seat just thinking about it. I swear. And I guarantee you there would be no panty-strewn-hotel-room-floor shot in the next scene.

There's just something about a shaken cocktail. It brings all the senses into the making of a drink. It's a show. It makes an impression.

So the next time you bring a date back to your place for an after dinner drink, leave your little swizzle stick in the drawer, and mix her up something in this: the Nambé Twist Cocktail Shaker by Fred Bould. His award winning design takes its cues from the curving facets of a helix, and the thermal-retentive Nambé metal can be chilled to ensure proper coolness of the drink. Plus, it just plain looks like something Bond would use.

$145 www.nambe.com

Yeah, I know. You get nervous sometimes. That's natural. But if you take your date's hand, and she has to wipe your sweat off on her skirt, you can bet she won't want that hand anywhere else. And you will be forever known to her friends as Moisty McClammyhands.

The people over at Alphamale Skincare know stressful situations can lead to unwanted palm moisture. (And whether it's in your personal or professional life, Has Sweaty Palms ranks just below Smells Like a Wet Box of Onions on the Social Acceptability Scale). No Sweat Hand Lotion is their answer.

This non-greasy, oil-free, lotion moisturizes your hands and keeps them dry and sweat-free by absorbing any excess moisture. And it's fragrance-free, so you won't show up smelling like a bowl of potpourri.

Get some. And when that cute aerobics instructor down the hall tells you she pulled a hamstring and asks if you could massage it, you can tell her, "No sweat."

$16 www.alphamaleskincare.com

I got a sample of the Green Friendly Golf Belt to test, but I wanted a more seasoned golfer to put it through its paces. So I drove up to see Dad of The Bachelor Guy. He's retired. He plays 72 holes a week. He loves free stuff. Perfect.

What follows is our exact conversation. Word for word. I swear.

BG: Hey Dad. I have something I want you to try. It's a new golf belt and...

DoBG: I have a belt.

BG: Yes, I know. But this one has a divot tool built into the tip and two ball mark...

DoBG: I already have a divot tool. And ball markers I get free at the pro shop.

BG: Right. (pulling the belt out of the box) Ok then. I'll just let one of my...

DoBG: (Grabbing the belt) Hey. Really nice. I could wear this out to dinner. (Wraps it around his waist). Is this crocodile?

BG: It's croc-embossed full grain leather.

DoBG: Looks rich. (Pulls divot tool out of buckle). Wow. This is great. I don't have to fumble in my pocket for the tools.

BG: Uh, huh. I'll just take...

DoBG: I want to use it Saturday. Can I keep it?

BG: Um. Sure.

$85-$95 Engraving available www.greenfriendlygolf.com

I'm a firm believer that every bachelor pad needs a place where a lady can get comfortable. Relax. Kick off her shoes. Feel at home. Add this super-sized, Sumo Bead-filled, crash-pad to your place and watch how comfortable she gets.

Unlike typical pleather beanbags of yesteryear that stuck to your skin while your butt sank to the floor, the Omni's rip-proof nylon shell feels almost silky, while its amazing little beads form around your body to firmly cradle you in complete comfort.

And at 5.5 x 4.5 feet it's large enough for two. Just tell her she has to sit close.

The one here at The Bachelor Pad has seen its share of use (and uses) since it arrived and I can tell you it's practically indestructible. Lightweight and versatile, it's perfect for a wide variety of indoor activities.

www.sumolounge.com $129-$149 with free shipping.

During the week you're a working stiff. An accountant. A customer service rep. A shoe salesman. But at 5:00 Friday all that changes. You become a Softball God. A Tailgate Party Quarterback. King of the Half-Court. A true Weekend Warrior.

And come Monday morning you have the battle scars to prove it. Band-Aids aren't gonna cover these bad boys. You need something that can heal that raspberry on your gluteus maximus fast, before the two hour meeting outlining the importance of covers on your TPS reports.

Reach for a tin of Scab Dab. Designed specifically for athletes, this all-natural salve has organic ingredients like calendula that accelerates wound healing, and rosehip oil which promotes the regeneration of skin cells.

Nicknamed "Voodoo in a Tin", Scab Dab works like a dream, and doesn't have that strong "herbal" smell. So you don't have to worry about smelling like a hippy around the office.

$9 www.zipsnaturalsport.com