This is the greatest invention never actually invented. I think. Maybe it was. Can't be sure. But I do know I can't find it for sale anywhere.

Originally seen on Gizmodo, it is essentially a steel cylinder filled with cryogen and topped with a rubber cork.

To keep your beer forever cold, you'd lower the coolight (if it existed) into your beer, push the cork onto the neck and drink out of the hole in the cork. A colored LED displays the time and temp. Pure genius.

Now we just need to form a petition to get it into production.

www.yankodesign.com

If you've been to a game this winter you know how cold your ass gets sitting in those plastic stadium chairs for three hours. (You blizzard-braving Broncos fans know what I'm talking about.)

ColdHeat, the people who brought you the cold soldering gun, have developed a cordless heated seat that'll warm your ass for up to six hours on a single charge.

With three temp settings that'll hit 115 degrees Fahrenheit in less than 60 seconds, (insert rump roast joke here), the Heated Seat's long-life, rechargeable battery is good for up to 3,000 hours of use. Or about 1,000 football games. Not counting overtime.

To handle stadium abuse, it's made of tough, rip-stop fabric that's water resistant and easy to clean, (read: beer spills are no problem), and it has a body-conforming, high-quality foam pad to cushion your newly-warmed buns.

$79.95 at Sharper Image www.coldheat.com

If you're over 30 hair is getting in your drain. It's a fact of life. For some more than others.

And getting it out of the drain is a pain in the ass like no other. Liquid drain cleaners work sometimes. On some clogs. But not always. What I usually do is stick a wire hanger down there and hope I can either force most of it down or pull most of it up. And I've pulled up some stuff that looks like something Jim Henson coughed up.

Here's something that falls in the damn-I-shoulda-thought-of-that category: a flexible, disposable drain snake with a velcro-tip, called the FlexiSnake.

You know from experience that Velcro will snag almost anything. Just shove this little snake down the drain and yank it back up. Clog fixed.

I like it better than dealing with chemicals. And it doesn't damage pipes like my wire hanger remedy.

$6.95 for a three-pack www.flexisnake.com

You get cut, you bleed. If you want to keep the blood off your clothes, and dirt out of the cut, you gotta put something on it.

I had an uncle who was in construction. When he cut himself he'd tear off a piece of duct tape to keep that bad boy closed. "Band-aids are for kids," he told me. Then he put his thumb in a plastic bag and drove to the hospital.

Nexcare - in a brilliant move to capture the market of males, aged 18-35, who want to look like injured construction workers - brings us Duct Tape Bandages. Pre-cut and latex free. (For injured construction workers with sensitive skin.)

$3.49 at Drugstore.com

Giving someone a car this Christmas? Me either. But ever wonder where those giant bows come from?

You can get them for $48 from KingSizeBows.com. And, for those of us who aren't giving $30,000 gifts this year, you can use them to decorate the front door of your Pad instead.

This morning I got an email from BoBG (Brother of Bachelor Guy) and it had a link to what is now the only thing I am asking for for Christmas. There is nothing else I want. Put your shopping lists away. Nothing can top this.

It's the Inflatable Defender. A seven-foot-tall, blow-up version of four-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year, Ben Wallace. With outstretched arms. Water filled, topple-resistant base. And "Fear the Fro" headband. I'm speechless.

I want Ben Wallace in front of my fridge, guarding the beer. I want Ben Wallace down in the low post by the couch, defending the remote control. I want an army of air-filled Bens on my lawn, boxing out the neighbor's dog. The uses for a seven-foot inflatable Ben Wallace are endless.

Get yours for $49.99 at www.inflatabledefender.com

Last week I did a post where I took a firm stand against the man purse. For those of you who missed it, and especially for those of you who might actually carry a man purse, you can read it here. I will state again for the record: It doesn't matter how much stuff I have to carry, I will never, ever, carry a man purse. A briefcase or a messenger bag is the closest I will ever get.

Personally, when I have to haul work related stuff around, I like messenger bags better than traditional briefcases. Why? They are more casual. And I'm not an executive type. Nor do I want to feel, or look, like one. And since I spend my days tie-less and in jeans, a messenger bag fits my personal style better.

They are also very lightweight and are designed to be slung over your shoulder. So when you're all over town on sales calls, or walking the endless aisles of a trade show collecting useless swag, (and I am the king of collecting useless trade show swag) you can take the added weight for a longer period of time.

Most importantly, they are made to take on the elements and are built to withstand serious wear and tear. And I can dish out some serious wear and tear.

I have a Ruckus messenger bag from Pacific Design, and it's my favorite. The creative side of me likes things that are stylish and well designed. The business side of me likes things that are functional and well thought out. The Ruckus gives me both.

Lightweight, and made of an incredibly sturdy nylon that feels almost bulletproof, it's got a padded, velcro-flapped, laptop section that offers protection on all sides, (and seeing as how I've already dropped my laptop twice, I need it). It also has thick padding on the back, when it's loaded down I don't feel like I'm taking body shots from De La Hoya. And the front zippers are water-resistant, so when you are waiting in the rain for an hour for a cab, your stuff stays dry.

Being a gadget guy by nature, I like places for things. And every thing has a place in the Ruckus. There's a zippered pouch for your power cable. A padded, secure pocket with a rubber headphone port for your cell phone or MP3 player. It also has dedicated media storage for your CDs and DVDs, a clear ID pocket, a water bottle holder, pen holders, key clip, and a side access, velvet-lined pocket for things you don't want scratched, like your sunglasses. And an optional cell phone pouch that clips to the shoulder strap. There's a spot for everything. Except eyeliner. Because it's not a purse.

$59.95 www.pacificdesignstore.com

I can't look a this without thinking of the classic Saturday Night Live commercial parodies... It's a toilet! No, it's an aquarium! No, it's a toilet! Aquarium! Toilet! Aquarium! Wait! You're both right! It's an aquarium that makes a great toilet! The Fish 'N Flush!

Yup. Fish in your toilet tank. So you have something to watch while you pee. You know you've thought about it.

I wasn't sure what women would think if you had one in your place, so I did an informal survey. Responses ranged from: "Oh my god, what happens to the fish when you flush?!", (it's a tank within a tank. The fish are perfectly safe), to "Ew, that's the tackiest thing I've ever seen", to "That's incredible, I want one!" They were all over the board.

If you fall on the "I want one" side of the fence, you can make your Fish 'N Flush even more special by adding the optional LED light system. Yes. An LED light system. For the aquarium on your toilet. A disco fish tank toilet. Does the fun ever end?

$299 Holiday Special www.fishnflush.com

I got into a discussion recently with someone (a female someone) who wanted to know why guys are so resistant to carrying a man purse. My argument, BECAUSE IT'S A PURSE, apparently wasn't convincing enough for her.

Her position was that guys need to carry as much stuff as women do -- keys, wallet, sunglasses, cell phone, blackberry, iPod, bail money -- and when traveling, you can add in things like passports, ID, boarding passes, etc. And since, 1- Guys only have so many pockets, 2- Carrying a briefcase or messenger bag around everywhere is not practical, and 3- Utility belts are to be worn by super heroes only, she feels that a man purse is the best everyday solution. And men should cowboy up, stop feeling this is a threat to their masculinity and embrace them.

Nice try. Never going to happen.

Not that she didn't have a pretty good argument. She did. But putting the word "Man" in front of it and making it out of black leather doesn't change the fact that it is still, at the very heart, a purse. And I'm not carrying one. Ever. Not even if they made an NFL signature version endorsed by Brian Urlacher.

But that still leaves us with the problem of how to carry all this stuff. If you have a good alternative, I want to hear about it. I found one solution that works well in fall and winter. The Xubaz scarf. Or as they call it, "functional neckwear".

Designed by a frequent traveler who wanted something to hold important items he needed close, the Xubaz has four pockets sewn into one side - two flapped and two zippered. There's even removable straps that clip to your belt loops to keep it from blowing away. Or being pulled off. Wear it with the pockets against your body and it looks like any other scarf. And I'm thinking it's a pretty good place to keep money and other important items hidden while traveling as well.

It comes in three lengths, a variety of colors and two different materials for varying degrees of warmth. Great with business or casual wear. Best of all, it's not a purse.

From around $50 www.xubaz.com

It's time for another Humpday Giveaway. And today I'm going to let you Load it, Gift it, Love it. (They told me to say that.)

This week two lucky readers will each win a $50 McDonald’s Arch Card. (Which, at Mickey D's, could possibly feed you for a month).

The Arch Card is a convenience card that's easy to use, and you can reload it as often as you like. It's a perfect gift or spending card. (Just make sure it's not the only thing you give your girlfriend, OK Sport?)

For more info on Arch Cards click here.

[Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified by email next week.]

I talk a lot about making sure your place has style. Putting effort into making it look good. And putting away the kid stuff. But good style doesn't mean you have to be serious and give up your sense of fun. Women love fun.

Example? Check out these dart-shaped coat hooks from Suck UK.

Made of solid stainless steel, they're not only practical, but are great conversation starters.

Ever had small plastic army men when you were a kid? Me too. Ever have that one twisted kid in your neighborhood who used to set them on fire and melt them into unrecognizable masses while laughing maniacally? Me too. You figured he'd grow up to be a serial killer. Or maybe an IRS agent. Well one of them grew up to be an artist.

Check out The War Bowl. I stumbled across it last week and it brought back a ton of memories.

Designed by mosleymeetswilcox from melted plastic French and British soldiers from the Battle of Waterloo.

"Dude, can I crash at your place?" These were the words spoken by one buddy of mine to another, right before the now infamous Couch Incident.

Without going into the embarrassing details, I'll just say the Couch Incident involved one $4000 leather couch, one very, very drunk friend, and one over-filled, under-controlled bladder. And no dog to blame it on. You get the picture. And you know it's not pretty.

The reason I bring this up, (besides the rare opportunity to embarrass a friend in front of thousands of people), is because chances are good you've had your own Couch Incident. Or know someone who has. But, as I'm sure you'll agree, it's much better to have a drunk buddy crash at your place than crash into a tree driving home drunk. But, since I also have a leather couch back at The Pad, I decided a good insurance policy was to invest in an inflatable bed.

For me, this was a no-brainer: the beds are affordable, inflate quickly, and roll up and store out of sight. And since my guest room is used more as an office than it's used to actually host guests, I don't want a full-time bed in there taking up space. Plus, around the holidays, when friends and family descend on your place, an inflatable bed is a necessity.

I tried a bunch of them and the best by far is the AeroBed DuraSuede. It inflates in under 60 seconds (before your buddy can say, "It's ok, I'll just sleep on the couch."), and is incredibly comfortable. As close to an actual bed as I've found. And the comfort control let's you adjust the firmness. Which he won't notice, but your other guests will appreciate. It's also the strongest and most durable. Perfect for when your buddy passes out on it face first, fully dressed. Provided he waits until it's actually inflated.

Various styles and sizes from $99.99-$299.99 www.thinkaero.com

We're guys. Guys are expected to know certain things. And there seems to be this presumption that one of those things is the recipe for any drink ever concocted. Whether we've ever had it, heard of it, or if it was just created in Prague the day before by a bartender named Bernat. We have to know how to make it.

Say you have a date over. You offer her a drink. She asks for something easy like a Bay Breeze. But you forget if it needs pineapple juice or grapefruit juice. Innocent enough. Bay Breeze. Sea Breeze. Very similar. One ingredient off. But you don't want to ask her, because you might get that look. The look that says, "I don't know what's in it. I just LIKE it. Why don't YOU know what's in it? The last guy I dated knew what was in it." So you just wing it, figuring chances are good she won't be able to taste the difference. (And for future reference, Bay Breeze gets pineapple.)

Or maybe you've been at a party and asked if anyone needs a drink. There's always some chowderhead who has to ask for something obscure, like a Creamy London Fog or a Waikiki Beachcomber, because he's trying to impress everyone. (See my post How to Spot an Asshole, here.)

The thing is, you may know more than your share of drinks, but you can never hope to memorize all the drinks that are out there. And it's always going to feel "un-manly" to ask what's in it. So I have something I keep on my bar that has helped over and over: The BarMaster Deluxe.

It's a pocket-sized electronic encyclopedia of drink recipes. All the classics. All the newest ones. And many you've never heard of. You can search by drink name, by ingredients, by type of alcohol, even by the type of glass it goes in. There's also bar tips, toasts, and even jokes categorized by subject. (Some of which aren't half bad, but tell at your own risk.)

Everything is right there for you to mix drinks, or suggest drinks to a date. You'll just have to get Bernat to email you whenever he makes up something new.

$29.95 www.excaliburelectronics.com