Think of it as a party in your pocket. And everyone's invited.

The Pacemaker is a pocket-sized, 7-ounce DJ system from Tonium that lets you walk into any party with your entire music collection on its huge 120GB drive, plug into the nearest sound system, and rock out. Or throw on a pair of headphones, and create unique personal mixes on the fly.

Functioning just like a pro DJ setup, the Pacemaker lets you play and mix two tracks simultaneously while the professional audio manipulation features (bend, DJ pause, crossfade, filter, etc.) allow you to add a ton of creativity to your mix. Intelligent software automatically works out the BPMs (beats per minute) on each of your tracks, so even if you're green as Gumby behind the wheels, you can quickly pick up how to match the beats between the two tracks. And the 5 hour battery life (18 hours of playback), will keep the ladies bumping all night long.

Works with both PC and MAC and supports all the major audio formats including MP3, WAV, AAC, OGG and FLAC files.

$700
www.pacemaker.net

This is the Nubrella. It's a "revolutionary" and "advanced" weather device developed after 5 years of research and development.

Or two hours of watching Lost in Space on DVD.

Looking surprisingly like a ridiculously over sized, clear plastic version of Maj. Don West's battle helmet, the $60 Nubrella straps onto your shoulders for the ultimate in hands-free public humiliation, and guarantees protection from rain, wind, sleet, snow, extreme cold, and ever getting laid again.

(Maybe someone from the company can explain to me why the guy on the bike needs his on a sunny day? Bug protection? Flying bird poo? Danger, Will Robinson?)

www.nubrella.com

We're not big scented candle burners as a group, we men. I don't think it's that we have anything against the flame, per se. I think it's more a matter of the choices we've got in scented candles. Among the sea of fragrances like Rose Petals in the Rain, Seaside Enchantment, and Candied Lemon Fig, we get to chose from maybe one or two smells we wouldn't mind permeating our place. And it typically runs in the vanilla family. Or maybe a "spice".

Not anymore. Over at Hotwicks.com they've concocted a series of eight candles any guy would be proud to have smelling up his place. The 8-ounce tins contain burnable scents like Beer, Pigskin, Campfire, Grass and Coffee. You'll never again have to choose between your masculinity and masking odors with Petunia Paradise.

There's also a few unusual fragrances included in the line. Hippie smells like ...More

Instead of complaining about having to shovel all that snow, take advantage of the white stuff, grab a Mad River Rocket, and get your sled on.

No ordinary trickle-down-the-hill hunk of plastic, Mad River's Rocket is an extreme version of the sled you used to ride on as a kid, designed for generating tons of speed, and to let you pull off some insane X Games-style tricks.

Much like knee boards towed behind boats in the summer, kneeling in the Rocket lets you use body lean to control balance and steering, and create leverage for jumps and flips. To see what some of the more experienced sledders are pulling off check out this video.

The sleds are made of recycled plastic and come in four models: the Killer B for adults, the Stinger and Swirl Stinger for kids, and a high end version made of clear Lexan so you can check out the scenery as you jump that ravine.

$99 - Killer B
$84 - Stinger
www.madriverrocket.com

You know how it goes. You're in a meeting with Stacy from Accounting - just going over your spread sheets - when all that talk about EBITA and gross profit margin starts getting her hot. Next thing you know her sharply pleated Anne Klein skirt is hiked up to her ears, and she's bent over your desk begging for a "capital infusion".

But you're not going to make that deposit without protection. So you reach for your Condom Paperweight.

Available for Valentine's Day and National Condom Week (February 10-16), the Condom Paperweight is made of clear French crystal and contains a stylishly packaged "Classic Select" condom. Tearing off the bottom pad gets you quick access.

It's a designer desk accessory your boss would never guess is holding your emergency love glove.

There's also a replacement kit available, in case Stacy schedules another meeting for next week.

$16.95
(25% of the profit goes to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.)
www.condompaperweights.com

I know how it is. You don't have time for a "real" girlfriend. Way too busy to spend all that time actually going to dinners and taking her shopping.

So you troll the 'net, having cyber flings with dozens of (purported) women who are satisfied with just a little late night chat.

When you're ready to see what HornyVixen694U actually looks like - and have a real conversation that doesn't involve shorthand and emoticons - hook up an Alibi to your system.

Boynq's answer to the typical boring webcam, the Alibi is a sleek, modern cam/speaker/microphone combo that's ideal for VoIP calling, comes in four designer colors, and sits comfortably on your desktop.

The two minute installation is completely plug-and-play. Once hooked up, press the top and a tilting and rotating camera pops out of its base, turning the cam on and making it look like something out of an H.G. Wells novel.

Running completely off USB power (one less power cord in the growing tangle under your desk), the Alibi shoots a 1/3 megapixel image at a respectable 640x480, and is designed with Echo Cancellation Technology to make those free video calls echo-free. And the small, bottom-mounted 5 watt speaker let's you hear her clearly enough to tell if that's really a female vixen you've got on the line.

$59.99
Available at Target.com
www.boynq.com