Edison wanted to conquer darkness. Ford sought affordable transportation for the masses. Today's inventors seem more focused on eliminating bathroom odor.
To find out what new inventions and innovations lay on the horizon, I spoke with Gadget Girl, alter ego of Nicole Hait, show manager of the Invention and New Product Expo
(INPEX), opening June 6 in Pittsburgh.
According to Nicole... er, I mean Gadget Girl... inventors from all over the world journey to INPEX, bringing with them the fruits of their genius in various stages of development, to meet with distributors, manufacturers and (if dreams come true) potential investors.
While a few of the inventions are groundbreaking, many are the sort of thing your unemployed brother-in-law might think up while watching daytime TV, enjoying a six-pack in his Barcalounger. (This is, after all, the show where the
Fish N' Flush made its debut.)
In the interest of promoting science and innovation, I asked GG to give me a list of the best, the worst, and the most idiotic products at this year's, and past years', shows. "No can do," says Gadget Girl. Her position as chief promoter of ingenuity (and pseudo-superhero with a catchy name) prohibits her from rendering judgement on the products she's presented. (Curses.) But she was willing to name three of the most memorable products she's seen over the years.
Following her choices are a selection of some of the products that will be unveiled at this year's show, along with my extremely uneducated personal opinions. Which are based solely on reading short promotional sheets, never actually having even seen a picture of the products, let alone having tested them.
Gadget Girl's Most Memorable:
EXtreme Scooter - This big, fast, stand-up motorized scooter, is an all-terrain beast boasting a 500cc engine, ATV-like tires, hydraulic disc brakes, a centripetal shifter, clutch, exhaust system and lights. It also set the land speed record for motorized scooters at the Bonneville Salt Flats, hitting 99.329 miles per hour during a timed mile run. And I want one.
Luv-O-Meter - Not sure if Sparky is getting the love and attention he needs? Get the Luv-O-Meter pet collar and you'll never wonder again. The microprocessor and touch-sensing circuitry are linked to an animated LCD display that lights progressively according to how much affection the pet has received. (No boy, all your lights are lit. You've had enough affection for today.) I am not nearly brave enough to suggest the inventor come up with a model for my girlfriend. So I won't. I swear.
Puff-n-Putt - Have you ever been playing a round of golf and right on the putting green thought, "Hmm, I'd really love to smoke a bowl right now," but didn't have any smoking paraphernalia handy? Well jones no more. The Puff-n-Putt is a fully-functioning putter, with a "tobacco" pipe built into the hollow shaft. And a mouthpiece protruding from the top of the grip. Giving new meaning to being "on the green". (Available online for $70)
And here's my personal Top 10 selections, chosen because I thought they were interesting, ingenious, or just plain ridiculous:
10- RASAT - If you've ever needed to take notes while you were on your cell phone but didn't have a pen, or didn't want to take your hands off the wheel, you'll appreciate RASAT. An acronym for Record And Send As Text, RASAT is a communication device for your mobile phone that lets you record notes without recording the other side of the conversation. (Which can be illegal.) There's also a mute feature in case you don't want the person you're talking to knowing you're recording notes. The recordings can then be sent as text via email to you, or anyone in your address book. (Note to self: Get one.)
9- The BowBrella - The problems: 1. Too many people trying to squeeze under an umbrella in a rainstorm. 2. Trying to keep you and your pet dry while taking him for his walk in a rainstorm. The solution: A ridiculously large, elongated umbrella that can cover all of you. How large? Try 52-inches by 30-inches of rain blocking nylon. On an adjustable pole. That's right, I said "pole". Can you imagine holding this 4-and-a-half foot monster steady with one hand, while fido strains on the leash in your other hand? All while a storm wind is gusting? Me either. Most people have trouble trying to control a normal sized umbrella in the average storm. Let alone wield what is basically a personal patio umbrella. But watching someone else try to do it has gotta be off-the-charts hilarious.
8- The Twin Press, Double Sided Iron - You are getting dressed for work and need to press your pants. Quickly. And you don't have an ironing board. The Twin Press, Double Sided Iron has two opposing pieces of metal that heat up quickly and let you iron your clothes while they hang. I'm assuming it looks like the hair straightener women use. And I'm also assuming it's a good gadget to have on hand.
7- The Hammockzzz - A godsend to guys everywhere who want to enjoy a summer day lazying around on a hammock with a beer, but have no ideal trees to hang one from. The awkwardly named, but ingenious, Hammockzzz hangs from a single tree or pole, without needing portable stands to suspend it. A huge 15 feet wide, it's big enough to let you invite someone to join you.
6- The Tripod Extension Stepladder - In the why-didn't-someone-think-of-this-before category: an adjustable extension ladder with a tripod base for better stability and use on uneven surfaces. Made of aluminum and weighing about 50 lbs., the Tripod Extension Stepladder can be used as an 8-foot ladder or, at its full extension, can provide 12-feet of standing height. And because no one loves ladders more than personal injury attorneys, it includes a safety belt to stop Darwin Award candidates from falling from the top.
5- Audio Air Shades - When you're outside in the bright sun you're going to squint. And get hot. Why not kill two birds with one stone and get a pair of Audio Air Shades. Resembling everyday sun glasses (only much more embarrassing), they have a pair of small cooling fans attached to each side. (Because I want tiny whirling blades near my eyes.) A portable controller clips to your waistband, allowing you to control the airflow, while not looking at all ridiculous. There's also a port so you can plug in your MP3 player or cell phone, just in case you don't have enough wires hanging out of your head. (I just hope the sunglasses are large enough to hide your identity in case any of your friends catch you wearing these.)
4- Bibs and Diapers Not Meant for Babies:
The Carbib - Drinking and driving is bad. Eating and driving is an American pastime. So to keep from getting McMuffin stains on your shirt during your morning commute try the Carbib. It's made of a water- and crease-resistant cotton/poly blend, and is designed to funnel spills to the floor. And make you look like you left the barber shop with the cape on. (Not sure if I'd recommend using it in a convertible with the top down.)
Dine-Ables - What's more embarrassing than spilling food on your shirt? How about wearing a bib? In public. That's made to look like a dress shirt. And secures around not only your neck but around your torso too. So you can fool yourself into thinking no one will notice you're wearing a bib. But they will. (Personally, I'd rather have a stain on my shirt.)
Pee-Pees-N-More/Wee-Wees-N-More- Got a puppy in training, an incontinent dog, or a female in heat? Tired of coming home to special gifts from Cuddles every night? These "doggie diapers" are not only absorbent, they are specially designed for the canine anatomy, come in nine different sizes to fit all breeds, and feature a hole in the back for their tail. Because just being incontinent isn't humiliating enough for your dog.
3- "Terminator" Sounding Products:
The Germinator - A combo hand sanitizer and paper towel dispenser. ("Hasta la vista, germs.")
The Shelfinator - A plastic covering for wire shelves that stops cans and small jars from falling over. ("My mission is to protect you.")
The Evaporator - An oblong torpedo heater that measures approximately 24 inches long and weighs 180 pounds (just slightly heavier than a snow shovel), with a sheet metal attachment, that evaporates snow and ice from your side walk or driveway. Or sets your neighbor's house on fire. ("You are terminated.")
2- Alternative Energy Innovations Every Other Physicist and Engineer on the Planet Somehow Overlooked:
The Centrifugal Machine - Its inventor claims the machine is "more environmentally friendly than burning fossil fuels, and offers greater reliability than using wind power or solar panels to harness energy." Perfect. Just what we've needed. So how does it accomplish this? Its working parts include a wheel, steel gears and weights, and it incorporates a generator, power pack and power storage center. By spinning the weight around the wheel, the device creates force that could then be stored and used as power. Uh huh. And how do you get the wheel to spin?
The Atomic Magnetic Force Renewable Energy Generator - is designed to use the magnetic force of atoms to create renewable energy, producing electricity without consuming fuel or polluting the environment. According to the inventor, "Theoretically, on a large enough scale, the system could have a power output similar to a nuclear plant." He's built a working model that produces periodic rotational movements that could be transformed into electrical energy, and is "currently working on a larger generator with greater power." Isn't he talking ATOMIC power? With "output similar to a nuclear power plant"? Shouldn't they have Homeland Security waiting for this guy?
1- Embarrassing Bathroom Odor Eliminators:
Spring Air Ventilating Toilet Systems - According to the promotional materials, this system "offers comfort and enjoyment when going to the bathroom." (YAY! I have to go to the bathroom!) And is specifically designed to "trap and remove gaseous and bacteria-laden gases from entering the restroom area... keeping the odors trapped inside the toilet, and then flushing them to keep the room smelling fresh and clean." What's more enjoyable than that?
The Bowl Breeze - Not satisfied merely masking embarrassing odors, the Bowl Breeze "takes a more aggressive approach by using carbon filtration to quickly eliminate odor at the source." (I hope they're talking about the toilet.) It clips onto your toilet under the seat, then "senses the individual's presence (it has an ass sensor?) and activates a rechargeable, battery-operated fan. The fan forces the air into a neutral-scent filter that removes any objectionable odor and automatically turns off." Worst job ever? Neutral-Scent Filter Changer.
www.inventionshow.com