To wine, or not to wine? That was the question. It was posed by one of my readers who is going to a dinner party, and as a non drinker himself, does not want to bring the "customary" bottle of wine for the hosts. Which is a very common situation. Especially if the hosts themselves are non-drinkers.
He wanted to know what else would be appropriate to bring, if anything. With holiday season upon us, and the seemingly endless parties being thrown, chances are good you'll be giving a number of host gifts over the next few weeks. So I asked some expert friends for their opinions.
Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and owner of
The Protocol School of Texas (she also gave us the great
guide to what's what on the table), says above all else "when you are invited to dinner or a party, the etiquette rule is to never show up empty handed."
So what if your hosts enjoy wine, but you don't want to bring anything alcoholic? Like beer, there are wines available that have had the alcohol removed.
And, like beer, there are some good ones and some bad ones. So choose carefully. I asked Tom Gamble, owner of
Source Napa vineyards, for his opinion and he said, "Wine is such a complex creation, removing one thing subtly affects everything else." Which is a nice way of saying that the flavor is oftentimes adversely affected. That said, he's tried a few, and there are two that he feels are better than the rest. They are
Vandalia, a handcrafted dealcoholized wine, and
Ariel, whose wines have won gold medals in competitions against traditional wines.
If your hosts are complete tee-totalers, and a bottle of anything short of grape juice would be inappropriate, Diane has some suggestions for alternative gift choices:
- Sending a flower arrangement to the host makes a big impression. "Make sure they are delivered by the florist the day of the party, in the morning, with a note such as 'Looking forward to meeting you' if you are meeting them for then first time, or 'Looking forward to tonight' if it is a dinner party with friends.
- Decorative or personal items are good choices as well, such as a large holiday candle, or a box of stationary personalized for the host. And a quality box of chocolates is never a bad choice.
- Diane also suggests asking if the host has any hobbies, such as cooking. "A new cookbook with a colorful spatula attached makes a wonderful, personal gift," she says. Or, if they are tea drinkers, a small, handmade tea pot with a box of imported teas shows you put some effort into bringing something the hosts will enjoy.
"The idea," says Gottman, "is to be a thoughtful guest."
[Thanks to Spencer for the question.]