How Dejunkifying with Self Storage Will Make Your Man Cave a Babe Lair

Image: Albert Leung vie Flickr

The bachelor life seems to be widely defined as a carefree existence wherein a man can laugh at his own sloth and be in complete control of his domicile. The music is loud, the decor is louder, and good luck finding anything in the fridge other than nearly-expired condiments and a few cold beers.

In time, of course, we all seek female companionship. When those opportunities arise and she’s headed to your place, you have to be sure that it doesn’t tear down what you’ve built up with her. You have to make sure your man cave can be more of a babe lair. Here are some key steps.

Clear Your Stuff

You  surf, you hike, you ski, golf, fish or practice archery. Maybe you’ve got a bike. None of those activities–or the requisite gear for them–constitute any permissible turn-off for a woman. But she won’t want to trip over your recreational gear outside your bedroom door.

You need to get that stuff put somewhere else. There are plenty of self storage units in every city that are secure, cool (or warm), and nearby for the bulkiest of your toys. So when the personal watercraft is calling your name for some time on the water, it will still be readily available without being in her parking space.

Make It Stylish

The standard for male-only residences used to be to install or keep the most perfunctory fixtures. Faucets were a means to an end, a way to regulate how much hot and how much cold. Windows were covered with blinds to maintain darkness on those hung-over Sunday mornings; window treatments were unheard of. Carpeting? Whatever color matches the material most often spilled on it.

Perhaps it’s the overall central Florida atmosphere; maybe it’s the influence of the whole metrosexual movement; who knows? But the fact is that today’s woman actually prefers a man whose home shows a little flair for design. A guy whose place has some striking plumbing fixtures or distinctive paint is signaling to women that he cares not only about his own image, but will also care about hers if the relationship goes somewhere.

So maybe you’ve put the new items but you’ve still got last year’s bathroom vanity parked in a closet in case you need it for your basement someday. Honestly, put it in the storage unit too. It’s the kind of item that self storage in Orlando is used for all the time–too good to get rid of but not wanted underfoot. It will still be right there five years from now when you realize you probably won’t use the thing after all.

Keep It Clean

Hold on, you grew up and left home. Do you really need a lecture on cleaning? You might. While you don’t want a woman who’s going to give you a white-glove test on her first visit to your home, you also don’t want one who will tolerate the level of filth that some men are known to accept. Clean the spattered food off the range. Vacuum the potato chips out of the carpet. Clean the toilet bowl–and put the seat down.

And again, clear the clutter. The fewer items there are to dust around, the more likely you’ll be to whip out the furniture cleaner and give the place a lick and a promise. Half-dead TV’s, CD’s made obsolete by your downloads, and off-season clothes (how much winter clothing do you need in Orlando anyway) need to box up and move out.

Keep Quality Snacks

Your refrigerator may look pretty sad. Take-out may be your best friend, and the microwave is probably the busiest appliance on the premises. You don’t have to be Wolfgang Puck, but you do need to have something decent on hand at all times for female visitors. And that doesn’t mean splurging on brand-name potato chips. We’re talking about having a decent bottle or two of wine chilled and ready (and some CLEAN glasses for it). Also consider some lady-friendly food like fresh fruit or bite-size crackers and some kind of fabulous dip. There is something about eating together that helps us relax and get to know each other; you have to be prepared to make that happen.

Whether your goal is long-term or overnight, women will find you more attractive and intriguing if your home meets those criteria too. Get the clutter out, get the goods in, make the place look sharp, and then go from there.