(Partially excerpted from the book, “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.”)
A lot of guys complain that the hardest thing to do is break the ice with a woman. That’s why many guys use lines. I’m not a fan of lines. They sound insincere, most are old and tried, and if a woman falls for them, I typically lose respect for her, followed by a loss of interest.
Instead, look for the common-denominator. The common-denominator is the thing the guy and girl have in common. There is always a common-denominator. It just has to be found.
For example, one night I was out with a buddy, waiting for a table at a pool hall. We set up shop near a table of three women playing, one whom immediately caught my eye. I waited. On one of her shots, she ran the cue ball along the edge of the pool table. It nearly fell off but managed instead to fall onto the table and into a pocket. Bingo. I approached her after she and her friends laughed about the shot. I raised my beer in a toast. “I’ve played a lot of pool, but that is the most original scratch I’ve ever seen.”
She toasted me and laughed. Shortly thereafter, one of the ladies left and my friend and I paired up with the two remaining women for some team play. The one I liked took my number and called me the next day.
Look for the common-denominator - it’s there and the conversation will flow much more naturally. Don’t create false common-denominators— “Did you see the fight outside?” or “My friends and I have a question...” Again, it’s been done to death and it’s deceitful, which almost always leads to trouble. If there was really a fight outside or you and your friends really have a question (which still sounds lame, you’re better off using a common-denominator to break the ice, then asking your question later), then by all means use it to break the ice.
Why does the common-denominator work so much better than lines and why is it so important?
1- It’s sincere and when it comes to women—and most aspects of life—sincerity sells, especially in a market saturated by insincerity and tired products (lines).
2- Because it’s based on the environment and circumstances at hand, the common-denominator is fresh.
3- Instead of becoming comfortable with your game (lines, set responses, comments, and so forth), you’re becoming comfortable with women, which is what you really want. Think of it like water and a container: If you’re comfortable with lines and game, you’re comfortable with the containers. If the scenario is one with which you’re comfortable—say a bar, club, or party scene—you simply change the container appropriately (mug, chalice, bowl) and fill it with water. Great; however, wouldn’t you rather be the water? If you’re
comfortable with women, you’re the water. No matter what the situation, you simply pour yourself into the container and it’s a perfect fit every time.
4- You’re building actual conversation skills, which become more and more essential as a relationship with a woman develops. When you just have a bunch of openers, lines and game, eventually you’ll run out of gas; however, when you’re able to walk into a room and talk about anything you observe, you’ll never run out of conversation, often a vital tool to prolonging the relationship and increasing the intimacy.
Get comfortable with women not your game.
Be sure to pick up a copy of Ian’s bestselling book (not only because it’s full of good stuff, but also because I’m not paying him), God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.
And find excerpts and Ian's other columns here.