[Note: This is the continuation of last week's column.]

Step 5 - Kiss in the moment.
Women start dreaming of the perfect kiss when they are little girls. It happens the first time their parents read them a fairytale as a bedtime story. A kiss is in the moment. It can be hot and sexy, soft and sweet, or anything in between. Women want to be caught off guard by a kiss; they want to you to read them, to know when the timing is right. Why then, did some idiots make it a rule to wait to kiss at the end of the date and label the first kiss “the goodnight kiss?” I’ve already answered that: they were idiots. There is no guarantee that the timing at the end of the date will be right for a kiss. She could trip and fall getting out of the cab, step into a puddle walking off the curb, get a text that her grandmother has died or a booty call from Brad Pitt. Who knows?

Also, there’s no surprise in waiting to kiss at the end of the date and by then lots of tension and pressure has built-up for both of you. Does she want you to kiss her? Is your breath pleasant? Are you going to try to kiss her? It’s utterly ridiculous and totally unnecessary to waste time on such thoughts.

I kiss a woman when I feel it and sense she does, too. I’m always nervous and anxious when I make the move but it has to be done and it’s my job to do it. I simply lean in and kiss her in some fashion, usually with just a little warning. (Women will tell you that a guy who tries to kiss them in the middle of a first date is too aggressive and it is a turnoff; they wouldn’t kiss him. Newsflash: women lie, mostly to themselves. I’ve had plenty of women say, “I don’t kiss on the first date,” or, “I’ve never kissed anyone on the first date before, let alone halfway through dinner,” after we’ve made out on the first date.) Kissing mid-way through the date typically leads to a lot more happening by the end of the date, too.

The last woman I dated and I caught each others eyes a couple times during dinner. The fourth time it happened, I leaned over the table while beckoning her. “What?” she asked as she leaned in. “This,” I replied and kissed her. (Flash back to step 1—no fear; I did this in a restaurant full of patrons.) We kissed several more times throughout the meal and later that night the police kicked us out of a closed park, where we were making out on a bench. (Lots of women comment to me on first dates that they “feel like they are back in high school” and they like that feeling.)

I kissed my latest “squeeze” at a crowded bar. We were playing Yatzeeh at the bar, where people were bumping into us and reaching by us for their beers or to try to get the bartenders’ attention. We were having fun and smiling at each other a lot, though. “This is probably the worst place to do this but..." I leaned in and kissed her. We started to make out and left a few moments later. (Oh yeah, I won the Yatzeeh game.)

No worries about when to kiss or how when I’m on a date. By the second date, a woman knows it could come from anywhere at anytime. (If I don’t feel the chemistry for a kiss, I don’t kiss. I’m not saying a kiss is mandatory, just that it should be done in the moment.) And she likes that. You can eliminate yet another discomfort of dating by kissing in the moment. (It may sound more stressful but it’s not; unlike at the end of the date, there hasn’t been what could be an insurmountable amount of pressure leading up to the kiss.)

Step 6 - Set the next date while on the current one.
You’ve kissed her and she’s responded favorably. You definitely want to see her again. Why wait to call? Set the next date on the current one, again before the end of the date. (You should do this through the first four dates.) This is the best way to build momentum. (Incidentally, practicing this step along with step 5 leads to sex by the third date, if not sooner.) If you’re uncertain of her interest, fish a little.

At dinner with the last woman I dated, after we had kissed several times and were nibbling on dessert (our real dessert, not each other), I asked her if she had ever been to movies in the park. (Here in Chi-Town, they show a classic movie outside each week in August at Grant Park, where they hold events like fireworks and Blues Fest.) I was fishing.

“No, but I’ve always wanted to go.” She bit.

“Tuesday is the last one. It’s Grease. Why don’t we check it out?”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

Will I call her? How long should I wait before calling? Again, senseless aspects of dating are removed. Plus, because we already have the next date set, we can completely relax and just enjoy the rest of our current date. I went out with that woman five times in two weeks, setting each date on the current one through the first four dates. After that, we were dating.

Dating really is this easy and clearly you can see why I have so much fun and you can, too. Build momentum by using the steps I’ve discussed over the last several columns, which also—bonus here—put you ahead of any competition. Those couple guys who went out with my last woman before I met her, the ones who waited a week to call her before asking her out again? Well, I left them in the dust. By then, I had already been out with her three times and set our fourth date. Ignore the “dating rules;” they’re stupid but you’re not, so ignore them and have fun dating again! (Incidentally, a free six-page ebook of these steps entitled The New Way to Date is available on my site, lunchisnotadate.com.)

Be sure to pick up a copy of Ian’s bestselling book (not only because it’s full of good stuff, but also because I’m not paying him), God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.

And find excerpts and Ian's other columns here.