[Note: This is the continuation of last week's column.]

You’ve broken the ice, met the woman, and gotten the date. Woo hoo! Except, now you have to go on the date, make conversation, be witty, have the perfect hair, perfect shoes, make sure nothing is stuck between your teeth, be witty… You’re sweating just thinking about it. Fuck it, just cancel. Relax, first dates aren’t really that tricky at all; don’t over think it. You do, however, have a few jobs to handle on the date.

Step 3 - Set the Tone.
Your job is to set the tone on the date. This creates a pace and momentum; successful dating and starting a relationship is all about building momentum. How do you do that?

1 - Choose a good place for the date based on you. You’ve already set a location when you met the woman but that my need to change. If it does, fit the location to your personality. If you’re chatty and witty, hit a restaurant. If you’re quiet and can never think of anything to talk about, hit an activity—a bar with board games, a play, a flick; the activity will help you out by triggering conversation. You get the idea; look for something that accentuates your skills.

2 - Be prepared. Have reservations, make sure the local lodge doesn’t have their monthly drunken meeting where you’re going, know where to park, how to get where you’re going, have enough cash along with credit cards as a backup, turn your cell off once you’re with her, and so forth. People don’t look for reasons to date someone; they look for reasons not to date someone. (This is one of the biggest—and unnecessarily stupid—realities of dating.) Don’t give her any. Breaking the flow of momentum will get her started on a list of fuck-ups that she will tally up at the end of the date—or worse, in a text to her “BFF” (Best Friend Forever) while you’re in the restroom—so, again, don’t give her anything with which to start a list. Like what? Like being late without calling or picking her up, then stopping at a cash station on the way to dinner; do that before you get her.

3 - Don’t interview her. Keep things light and flirtatious. What is one of the most hated events in peoples’ lives? Job interviewing. So why the hell would you put her through that on a first date and expect things to go well? Don’t drill her on her past relationships, ask why she’s still single (the worst question in the history of dumbass questions—dumbass), ask her about her job, family, education; you know, all that boring stuff. Instead, swap stories and listen to her. Talk about friends, hobbies, where you’re at, where you’ve traveled, books you’ve read…

4 - Keep her on track. She may not be as savvy as you (obviously not a reader of my column on Lifetime) and ask questions like, “So, how come you’re still single?” When she breaks the flow, use your best traits to fix it. For me, that’s humor—“All my girlfriends keep dying, which reminds me, on a totally different subject, I really need to clean out the trunk of my car.” When a woman talks about her ex too much, I’ve been known to kiss her to get her to shut up and forget about him.

Step 4 - Stay Confident.
The number one trait women seek in men is confidence. (Don’t believe me? Ask women at a bar. Seriously; ask them. They’ll tell you. I conducted this little survey myself while writing my book just to confirm my message.) If you’ve practiced the steps to this point, you’ve shown a lot of confidence. Keep it flowing by being certain not do anything non-confident. Don’t make comments like, “I can’t believe you’re here with me,” or “I bet you get asked out a lot.” Don’t let someone walk all over you in front of her, whether it be staff, other patrons, or random people on the street. Even if you don’t address them, make a comment to her about it. The last two steps will go along way to confirming you are confident… but their details will have to wait until next week.

Next column: 5 - Kiss in the moment and 6 - Set the next date while on the current one.

Be sure to pick up a copy of Ian’s bestselling book (not only because it’s full of good stuff, but also because I’m not paying him), God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.

And find excerpts and Ian's other columns here.