[Note: This is the continuation of last week's column from Ian.]

When you’re out to meet women, your two priorities should be to meet the woman you want (don’t settle; life is too short) and to guarantee yourself at least a return call from her. So you should: 1- Show no fear when approaching women and 2- Don’t get digits, get a date. As promised in last week’s column, here are some examples of me following my own advice. (I’m a big advocate of using real-life examples to illustrate advice.)

Example 1 - A couple years ago, I was out the night before Thanksgiving at an organized happy hour. A blonde, sexy Swedish woman was there and we got to talking. She was very intelligent, had a great job, and what guy can resist a Swedish accent? After about twenty minutes, an onslaught of guys she knew joined us. No doubt, many of them were interested. I didn’t feel like playing “take a number” (waiting for my turn to talk to her in a mob of guys) and have a low tolerance for cockblocking, so I used the opportunity to ask her out. “Hey, it’s getting a little crowded, so I’m gonna go say hi to some other people. Have you been to the Goodman Theater?”

“No.”

“They’re showing A Christmas Carol and I try to see it every year. I highly recommend it. I need to check my schedule to see when, but would you like to go?”

Both she and the horde of guys were shocked I asked her out in front of them (no fear). “Yeah, that’d be fun.” She gave me her number, we spoke for a few more minutes, and I split. She returned my call to inform me she couldn’t do the Goodman (too big a date, no doubt). She felt obligated to at least cancel, guaranteeing she return my call, where we reconnected. We went out a few times and had a lot of fun.

Example 2 - This past summer, a few friends and I approached a table of women at a bar. I could see one was the bitter friend — the girl who was just out to ruin everyone’s time; the one you want to ask, “Excuse me, but why did you even come out?” I could see the women were uncomfortable, waiting for their bitter friend to snap, so I capped our visit — “Do you ladies mind if we join you for just one drink? Is that cool? We don’t wanna crash girls’ night.”

“Sure.” They all relaxed, save the bitter friend. After about ten minutes I learned that the prettiest, most personable one lived in Oak Park, my hometown. A little later I stated, “There’s a great Greek restaurant in Oak Park on the corner of Lake and Oak Park. I haven’t been there in a long time. I want to take you there, say sometime next week? Are up for that?”

“Let me think about it.”

“Fair enough.” We spoke for another few minutes, then I announced it was time to head out. “I’ll go to dinner with you, Ian.” She wouldn’t give me her number but she took mine. Three weeks later we were dating.

Example 3 - I met my most recent “flame” while at a bar after playing hockey. I sat with two guys from my team and we saw a gorgeous woman sitting with her mother. “I have to meet her.” She walked by a little later, chewing a piece of gum. “Excuse me, do you have another piece of gum?”

“Actually, I do.” She reached into her purse and handed me the pack. I took one. “Thanks.”

“Sure.” She walked away. As we left, I stopped by her table. “Excuse me, I owe you a piece of gum. I’m gonna give you my number so you can collect.” (No fear.)

“That’s really okay; you don’t need to give me any gum.”

“No, no; I don’t want any bad gum-karma.” She and her mom laughed. She took my number and called me two days later. The following week we went on our first date and have been dating since.

The point is, by following these simple steps you don’t have to worry about using lines, getting her digits within a minute of approaching her, insist that she give you her number because she supposedly won’t call you (smart women are safe), worry about waiting five days to call so you don’t appear overzealous, worry about how long you talk to her (it could be long or short), or any of that other crap. In short, instead of following steps that get you comfortable with your “game,” you should be following steps that get you comfortable with women. That’s the key: Get comfortable with women not your game.

Next column: 3 - Set the tone on the date and 4 - Stay confident.

Be sure to pick up a copy of Ian’s bestselling book (not only because it’s full of good stuff, but also because I’m not paying him), God is a Woman: Dating Disasters.

And find excerpts and Ian's other columns here.