An Open Letter to PR Reps and Ad Execs:

Dear Product Marketers, Public Relations Reps and Ad Execs:
I know you're not known for your subtlety. Nor are you known for knowing when to quit. When something catches on, you'll beat that horse until it's deader than Dog The Bounty Hunter's career. And with a seemingly endless and ever-increasing supply of products and services targeted to men lately - some new, some just rehashed, repackaged and renamed - that's exactly what you're doing.

The "man market" craze first got our attention with the word "Mancation" - a word you guys coined to define a vacation specifically designed for men. I guess "Guy Getaway" wasn't emasculating enough. And heading to a tropical locale to lie on the beach, bikini watch, and drink ourselves into a colada coma was no longer good enough. PR flunkies everywhere were pitching stories about the need to alleviate the stress of work and bond with our fellow males while white water rafting and hanging off the sides of mountains.

After that it was open season on anything guys touched. The entire manosphere of products and services for guys has been man-ized and man-named. It's complete mandemonium.

And it needs to stop. Immediately. (Full disclosure: I've used some of these terms in my past posts. Along with a few others. And I'm ashamed.)

Home improvement centers and home-bar supply stores encourage us to construct a "Man Cave" in our home (although calling it a "Dude Den" is funnier), complete with dart boards, pool tables and big screen TVs. Which we actually liked. For a while. But as usual, you found out we liked it, beat the crap out of it by building campaigns and specific products around it, and completely drained all the fun out.

If we and a couple of our buddies are going out for something to eat and a few beers, it's no longer a "boys' night out". It's a mandate, which you are attempting to turn into a marketable social event. If only two of us go, we're considered a mandem. After we eat, we're out looking for some mentertainment. (Which, thankfully, is entertainment especially FOR men. Not BY men.)

Simply wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans from our mandrobe is not enough anymore. We now have to load up on mancessories - rings, bracelets, hats, and yes, even manecklaces.
Ordinary has given way to becoming mantastic.

Mancessities - those things guys should never leave home without: wallet, bottle opener, bail money... are getting the mancabulary treatment too. But please, for the love of Ditka, no matter how hard you to try to convince us how "trendy" it is, we will never carry them around in a murse.

If a guy takes care of young children, he's now a manny. (Thank Britney for that one.) If he ends up sleeping with the kid's mother, they'll call him her mancubine. (Or man-whore. Or prostidude.) And settling for taking care of someone else's kids, while their mom takes care of you, shows a clear lack of manbition. Whine about it and people will say you're manstrating.

Go on a mancation to warmer climes, and we're be tempted to grab one of those new body razors developed specifically for us, and do a little manscaping. Where poor razor skills may leave us looking like a man-o-lantern (a classic from 40 Year Old Virgin.) If we completely lose all sense of reason, actually listen to you, decide to go European and sport a mankini while frolicking in the surf, we can now get a manzilian - a Brazilian wax for guys that strips us of everything. Everywhere. Even back there. Which is a crime against nature.

With all this newly bare skin (which we've been convinced is in style), we are further tempted to ditch our boxers and go in for a pair of manties. Or hit the gym wearing extra tight mandex.. (Although heavier guys suffering with large, pendulous man boobs [moobs?] may want to consider getting fitted for a manssier.)

See the decidedly un-manly pattern developing here? Man caves have given way to manzilians, murses and manties. And it shows no signs of slowing down. Sure, we like having guy specific products, gadgets and gear. But we just want our real guy stuff back, without all the "manization" of things that are inherently feminine. It's enough to make us want to jam a manknife into our own maneck. So please, stop the mansanity.