Over time, society has progressed and we've become more "civilized."

Sure, some of it's positive. Like Democracy, indoor plumbing and Internet porn.

But sometimes things that were crucial to our manliness get forced to the wayside. Giving way to guyliner, murses and mantyhose.

You think your grandfather could have taken Iwo Jima wearing bronzer and a sequined Ed Hardy t-shirt? Hell no.

So we've had enough. And we're here to plead for a return to the manliness of yesteryear. First up: Duels.

The Situation:
Some douchebag tries to grab your girl’s ass.

How Guys Deal With it Now:
You can let her handle it herself and blow him off with a snide remark. (And make you feel like a pussy.) Or, you can crack him over the head with a Rolling Rock bottle. (If you don't mind drinking homemade toilet alcohol with your "Cell Husband" for the next 5 years.) Either way, you lose.

How Guys Dealt With it Then:
A glove slap and a challenge of pistols at 10 paces.

Repercussions Now:
His dad, the lawyer, takes everything you’ve got.

Repercussions Then:
One of you is leaving in a body bag. But honor is restored.

Case in Point:
Aaron Burr was a respected politician. A Senator, Vice President and Presidential candidate. One night he got fed up with the disparaging remarks being leveled at him by rival Alexander Hamilton. So he did what any real man of the time would have done. He challenged that fucker to a duel. Where he shot and killed him.

Did he get jail time? Nope. Burr finished his term as Vice President. (Then went a bit nuts and attempted to create his own empire in Louisiana... but that's another story.)

And Hamilton, the loser in the duel? He's the face on the ten dollar bill.

Honor for all involved, and hopefully fate takes care of the guy in the wrong.

We as a society need to reinstitute dueling as a lawful and reasonable method of dispute resolution. And, hey, if a lawyer wants to get involved... hand the little weasel a pistol.