Attention All Manchester, NH KFC Employees (and all you other fast food employees that took the little yellow bus to school):
If you get a phone call from someone telling you they're from corporate headquarters, and you need to test the fire suppression system, that's usually fine. No need to ask a lot of questions.

If they ask you to test it by having each of you stand underneath it, covering yourselves in hazardous chemicals, time to ask some questions.

If after all that, you tell them the chemicals are irritating your skin, and they advise you to go outside, in the cold, and take off all your chemical-covered clothes and stand behind the building naked... well, it should have sent up some red flags.

It definitely should not have taken them telling you - as you stand naked, shivering in the New Hampshire cold, phone still in hand - to pee on each other to stop the irritation, for you to have realized that maybe that wasn't HQ on the phone after all.

I thought we settled all this when they trained you not to go fishing in the fryer with your bare hands anymore to clean out the little burned off pieces of chicken you find so delicious.

I know the news report said you were "cooperating fully" with the criminal investigation, but it's obvious cooperating fully is not your problem. You are excellent at cooperating fully. It's comprehending fully we need to work on.

(Check out the video report here. The Fire Chief trying to keep a straight face through his interview is classic.)