I’ve been watching ESPN for 22 minutes now and I haven’t seen anything yet about Brett Favre.

I want... no I NEED... to know everything about a broken-down, 40-year-old quarterback who was running on empty last season. I know that you have devoted approximately 1,236 hours of coverage to Brett Favre over the last year, but that’s not nearly enough.

I need to know every aspect of his thought process as he decides whether or not to ruin another franchise this season.

Did Favre go to the eye doctor? I want Rachel Nichols on my TV, stat! Was that Brad Childress making a long-distance call? Send Ed Werder to dig through the trash at the Vikings facility right now...

I want an NFL Live 2-hour special dedicated to examining Favre’s X-rays. Call in all the troops – I am dying to know what Herm Edwards thinks of Favre’s biceps tendon.

Look, you may be sick of Favre taking over the NFL offseason every year with his wishy-washiness, but I’m not. The guy’s a gamer! Just ask John Madden. He "loves playing the game." (But only for the teams he wants.)

Don't forget he wears Wranglers. That’s a man’s man if you ask me.

Who cares that he had 2 TDs and 9 INTs in the Jets’ final five games last season, and looked like Mets-era Willie Mays? He’s got a rocket arm!

And I’m perfectly willing to overlook that his teammates couldn’t stand him – they’re just jealous of The Greatest QB Ever.

So, ESPN, why haven’t you set up the 24-hour live remote feed from Favre’s compound yet? With Erin Andrews (but I’ll settle for Brienne Pedigo), so I can keep track of Favre’s eating and sleeping patterns.

We’re lost without our daily dosage of the Favre saga, ESPN. Please don’t continue to be lax in your coverage – we’re counting on you.