Raise your hand if you've ever encountered an asshole. Now raise your hand if you've ever been an asshole. Lots of hands. Because there are lots of assholes. I, myself, am a recovering asshole.

Most of us are only assholes some of the time. When the situation warrants. (I can't think of a good one right now, but I'm sure there are a few.) Then there are those guys who are assholes all the time. It's part of their nature. They are Assholes.

A couple of days ago I posted "Why I Am Glad I No Longer Work in Retail", which talked about abuse of retail employees around the holidays. (Which is like the Super Bowl of Assholedom.) After, a reader sent me a link to a post on Guy Kawasaki's blog, How to Change the World, where he reviews a book by Robert Sutton titled The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't. It's a business book, but Kawasaki also describes it as "the definitive guide to understanding, counteracting, and not becoming an asshole." And I'm all for that.

I haven't read the book, but I love the metric Kawasaki cites for recognizing an asshole. It's called the Starbucks Test. And it states that the more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If a guy walks into a Starbucks and orders a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," he's a huge asshole. (And I have newfound respect for Starbucks employees. How they get through a day of taking those orders without laughing in the customer's face is remarkable.)

Another test is Sutton's dirty-dozen list of everyday asshole actions:
1. Personal insults
2. Invading one's personal territory
3. Uninvited personal contact
4. Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal
5. Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult delivery systems
6. Withering email flames
7. Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
8. Public shaming or status degradation rituals
9. Rude interruptions
10. Two-faced attacks
11. Dirty looks
12. Treating people as if they are invisible

Kawasaki also includes in his post a top-ten list that summarizes how to avoid being an asshole. Read it. Please. I'm thinking of taking a job at Starbucks.

Reader Advisory: Today’s post involves sex. Not overt sex. Or graphic sex. But the act of having sex will be implied. There may also be statements and products offered that could be sexually related. There may also be some sexual innuendo thrown in. (If I can think of anything clever.) If you are ok with that, read on.

There are many “of the month” clubs out there. Wine of the Month… Book of the Month… DVD of the Month… Fruit of the Month… Bored yet? I am. Almost nodded off. And she might too. Don’t get me wrong… these are all nice gifts. To give your coworker. Not the woman you wake up next to once or twice a week. And there comes a time in every relationship when you need to drive past the “nice” gift section, and plow right into “naughty”. Hard.

I’m not talking about ball gags and latex zippered hoods. (Unless she’s into that sort of thing, bless her heart.) I’m talking about romantic gifts. Sexy gifts. Gifts that let her know you think she’s beautiful and turns you on. (And, yeah, I know. Pretty much anything turns us on. But she doesn’t know that. Ok, she knows that. But she’s smart enough to keep it to herself.) I’m talking gifts like aromatherapy candles or massage oils. Maybe something silky thrown in. And a toy or two, if you’re comfortable enough with your manhood.

Let your gift keep on giving (and giving) and enroll her in the Sexy Gift of the Month Club. Every month (and you specify for how long), she’ll receive a package containing items specially chosen to keep that fire burning. Gift options include the Mood Setter, Romantic Surprises, Erotic Adventures, and the Premium Gift Package, for those of you who like a little something extra. She’ll be thanking you deep into the spring. Over and over.

Packages start from $35 per month. www.sexygiftofthemonthclub.com

Gift cards are not my first choice for the ideal gift. They don't usually convey, "I spent a lot of time thinking about your gift." Mostly they say, "You like books. Here's $25. Go buy one."

Don't get me wrong. I've given my share of gift cards, and received some that I was thrilled to get. It all depends on the situation and who is doing the giving/receiving. (More on that in a later post, and in my upcoming column for Hooters Magazine. And I'll post that column once it hits the newsstands.) But, there is a little known advantage of buying gift cards that you may not be aware of.

Most restaurants and retailers have gift cards available year-round. But at this time of year, many are offering incentives for purchasing them. They can come in the form of additional gift cards, discounts, or giveaways. And that means your money goes further. In some cases, much further.

For example, some of the larger chain restaurants like TGI Friday's and Bennigan's will give you a $5 dining certificate for every $25 gift card you buy. That's 20% back in your pocket.

Lowe's is offering incentives too, giving away two free tickets to Ben Stiller's new movie, Night at the Museum, with every $100 gift card purchase. Figuring that in some areas a movie ticket runs $10, that's also a 20% kicker. (Although depending on how you feel about Ben Stiller, this may, or may not, be a bargain.)

And there is no law that says you actually have to give the cards as gifts. A buddy of mine takes advantage of these deals every year. He has a couple of restaurants he goes to – and takes clients to – regularly. He buys a few hundred dollars worth of their gift cards, and gets an additional $20-$25 worth for every hundred he spends. He keeps the gift cards and uses them all year long. He looks at it like he's getting 25% off every meal. Not a bad deal.

Check with your local retailers to see what they are offering this holiday.

A new survey conducted by the makers of AXE body spray (pseudo-cologne aimed at 18-24 year old guys, who think women like this stuff, and don't know any better) found that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest party nights of the year. (Apparently the 18-24 year olds they spoke to have never heard of New Year's Eve, Fourth of July, or even Halloween.)

Dubbing this phenomenon "Hometown Hump Day" (Hallmark, are you listening?), AXE found that more than half of all singles in that age group plan on going out Thanksgiving Eve, and almost 70% of guys plan on, or hope to, hook up. Almost 70%? Someone needs to check their figures. When's the last time ANY 18-24 year-old guy went out and didn't plan on hooking up? Five bucks says 30% of those surveyed are lying.

Nevertheless, in the interest of helping guys everywhere overcome the challenge of a Hump Day hook-up, AXE has set up a hotline where an expert dishes out no-holds-barred advice to guys 24 hours a day, through the weekend. Who is the expert? I'll ask you: who would be the first person you'd think of to give advice to lovesick 18-24 year-old guys? Exactly. Estelle Harris. The actress who played George Costanza's mom on Seinfeld.

Call 888.AXE.ADVICE and hear Estelle wax poetic on the how's, when's, and where's for hooking up. Tip: Pressing option 2 gets you her insights on three-ways. Both hilarious and very, very disturbing at the same time.

Winter is here. And with the holidays coming, you'll be doing a lot more driving than usual. Through bad weather. In a car packed with food, gifts, family and friends. On highways crammed with idiots. You'll want to make sure your car is prepared. Here are five winterizing tips from NADAguides.com.

1 - Tune Up. It's a good idea to have your car tuned up at the start of the winter. And check for leaks, worn belts, and low fluid levels.

2 - Keep It Cool. Even though it's freezing outside, your car can overheat if it's low on coolant, damaging your engine. In most areas, a 50/50 mix of coolant and water is what you'll want.

3 - See Your Way Clear. Make sure you have plenty of windshield washer fluid to clear the snow, grime and mud spraying up from the car in front of you. Don't go cheap either. Lower cost fluids may freeze more easily.

4 - Stay Full. Running out of gas in the summer may be a pain in the ass, but running out of gas in freezing temps is much more than that. If you get stuck you're gonna want to keep the engine running, and the heat on inside the car.

5 - Think Like a Survivor. Carry a survival kit for those long trips. A good kit will include a compass, a first aid kit, wooden stick matches in a waterproof container, scissors and string/cord, bottled water and non-perishable, high-energy snacks, extra blankets, extra clothing and a battery-powered radio with spare batteries.

For more info and tips, head to www.NADAguides.com

Whether you are headed to someone else's home for the holidays, or have gone completely insane and have decided to host the festivities at your place, chances are you'll be dealing with food in one way or another. And you'll have questions. Last minute questions. Like whether yams and sweet potatoes are the same thing (they aren't), or how long to roast a turkey (depends on how much it weighs, and whether it's stuffed or not. See chart).

Don't panic. There are several numbers you can call, and a real live human expert will talk you down. Keep these numbers nearby for the next couple of weeks.

Meat and Poultry Questions:
• Reynolds Turkey Tips Line: 800.745.4000 (Year-round and 24 hour advice on turkey defrosting, preparation and cooking options. Free recipes.)

• Butterball Turkey Talk-line: 800.323.4848 (Home economists and nutritionists available 6am-6pm M-W; 4am-4pm Thanksgiving Day; 6am-5pm weekdays Friday through Dec. 22nd. Automated assistance after hours.)

• Dial-A-Chef Holiday Hotline: 888.723.4468 (Provided by Shady Brook Farms. 24/7 automated guidance and recipes by famous chefs and winemakers. Through Jan. 1st.)

• Perdue Chicken: 800.473.7383 (For you non-traditionalists. Available weekdays year-round, except the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.

For Side Dish Questions:
• Ocean Spray Consumer Help Line: 800.662.3263 (Everything you ever wanted to know about cranberries.)

• Green Giant Expert Line: 800.400.0127 (The Giant himself is vacationing in the islands for the holidays, but the little elf guy might be available.)

For Dessert Help:
• Betty Crocker: 888.ASK.BETTY (Year-round 7:30am-5:30pm weekdays.)

• Hershey's Consumer Hot Line: 800.468.1714 (Recipes and answers to all your chocolate related questions. M-F 9am-4pm.)

• Nestle Toll House Baking Information Line: 800.637.8537 (Baking help, plus recipes. 10am-6pm, all year.)

• Crisco Pie Hotline: 877.367.7438 (Who doesn't like pie? 8am-8pm until Dec. 31st.)

For All Those Leftovers:
• Campbell's Hotline: 888.4.LEFTOVER (24 hours a day, right after Thanksgiving through Dec. 31st.)

And You'll Need This:
• USDA Hotline: 800.535.4555 / International Food Safety Council: 800.COOK.SMART (Because food poisoning has a way of putting a cramp in your holiday. Pun intended.)