I hear a lot of guys complaining that they hate the fact they have to use text messaging to talk to girls. These guys obviously haven’t learned the power of text flirting.
For me, a guy who has always hated making that awkward first phone call, texting is a very welcome addition to my arsenal of ways to flirt with women.
But the sad truth is the average guy out there doesn’t know how to build rapport, attraction, or sexual tension over text messages. And instead, he winds up boring the girl, and completely ruins any interest she might have had in him.
So I wanted to put together this brief guide for texting a girl in a fun, flirty, and attractive way.
1. Give Value, Don’t Take it
This is probably the biggest mistake guys make when they text women. They send texts like “How’s it going?” Or “What’s up?”
These texts do nothing to display any ounce of your personality, and they completely put the woman on the spot to keep the interaction going. And since a beautiful woman is probably getting dozens of these texts from different men every day… they begin to irritate and annoy her.
Every text message you send should provide some value to the woman receiving it. It should also display elements of your personality.
A much better text to send a chick would be something like “Stop thinking about me!” or “You just popped in my head and I just wanted to say hi”
These texts don’t put the burden of response on her… but they make her want to respond.
2. Keep it Short and Playful
Text message is not the place to really try to get to know someone. Instead, think of it is an opportunity to give a woman a “movie trailer” version of what you’re like as a guy. Give her quick glimpses of your personality, humor, and playfulness. And flirt, damn it.
When you’re texting her you want to use the same flirtatious behavior you would in person. This means tease her. Make her smile. Make her look forward to getting a text from you.
For instance, if you’ve just met a woman out a bar and you plan on sending her a text message the next day, avoid texts like “Hey, it’s Bobby, it was fun meeting you the other night. What are you up to?”
Instead, start the interaction off with something flirtatious and playful, that gives her a “movie trailer” glimpse of your personality.
So a much better text message would be “Do you speak text?” (credit to Sinn), or “Is it too soon for casual text? I mean, I just met you. Maybe we should wait!”
Can you see how much more enjoyable it would be for her to get one of those texts?
3. Make Use of Tension and Suspense
Have you ever texted a girl and she didn’t text you back for like an hour or two? What did you think about during that hour you were waiting for her to text you back? You were probably thinking about her.
You must, at times, build suspense when text messaging. It creates the roller coaster effect in your text messages. You want to be unpredictable and leave her guessing.
So if you normally text a woman back a few minutes after she texts you, every third time or so wait twenty to sixty minutes to text her back. On occasion wait several hours.
This gives her time to think about you in her mind. It lets her experience the thrill of waiting for your next text.
Have you ever heard of the Cat String theory? When you give a cat a ball of yarn, it plays with it for a while and has a good time. However, after 15-20 minutes or so, it gets bored and leaves the ball of yarn. It may come back to the yarn later and play with it and it may even do that several times.
In contrast, when you take the ball of yarn in your hand and hold it just out of the reach of the cat, letting the cat get a touch of the yarn every once in awhile, the cat will pursue that ball of yarn for hours. The holder of the yarn has control over the cat for virtually as long as they want.
The same scenario applies to humans. When you give someone something to keep, they enjoy it for a while, but grow bored of it after time. When you make yourself available to someone all the time, they appreciate your availability for a little while, but again grow bored or tired of having you around all the time (no matter how cool or fun you think you are).
On the flip side, when you give someone something for just a moment, or give them a taste of something but not the whole thing, they actually appreciate it more and give more attention to it. This also applies when you rarely make yourself available to someone. They get a small taste of you but not the whole thing. There is a mystery to you and they value the time they have with you even more.
Keep this theory in mind next time you’re talking to women over text message.
Want more? Right now I’m giving a free 27 page report called “Make Small Talk Sexy” where I explain exactly how to take a boring conversation and turn it fun, flirtatious, and sexual. Grab your copy now.