Unless you've been in a coma for the last few months, you've experienced all the hype and product tie-ins buzzing around the long-awaited Simpsons movie opening this weekend. Some of it is brilliant. Like the Kwik-E-Mart/7-Eleven store conversions carrying products like KrustyO's cereal, Sprinkilicious donughts and Duff beer, which was not only genius, but according to store sources, doubled traffic and sales in the 12 converted stores. Some of it is ridiculous. Like the Food Network Simpsons Cake Baking Challenge.

And, since the Simpsons has been king of the licensing and merchandise whores for over two decades now, you can be sure a whole new crop of stuff you don't need will be showing up on shelves nationwide. Resist the temptation. Please. Having the Talking Homer Doll on your dorm room desk saying, "Mmmmm beer..." every time girls came over with a six-pack may have made them laugh back then. But having one on your bar at home now just makes them leave. And rightfully so.

But, if you're one of those guys who absolutely must buy something licensed when a new movie hits, and I can't talk you out of it, opt for this: The Duff Adjustable Bottle Opener Hat. It's subtle. It doesn't scream "Simpsons". It doesn't make you look like an immature idiot to a grown woman. (At least at first.) And it's functional. There's a bottle opener built in, so for your $19.95 at least you get something you can use. Along with the excuse, "No, of course I'm not a fanboy. I just bought it for the bottle opener."