It's funny enough that there is a dating site, BeautifulPeople.com, dedicated exclusively to "beautiful people" who have to be voted into membership - based solely on photo proof of said "beautifulness" - by other members.

It's even funnier when 5,000 of those members get their memberships yanked because they gained some weight over the holidays and are now in violation of the site's "strict ban on ugly people." (I did not make that up.)

But it's downright hilarious when the founder of the site, Robert Hintze, issues a public statement that says, and I quote: "Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded." He then added, "So is reading a book, or having a conversation about anything other than how cute your shoes are." (I made that last part up. But the "fatties roaming the site" part was all his.)

If you're wondering how the newly fat got found, they were ratted out by other members, horrified that there were now less than perfect people hitting them up for dates, and they demanded that someone do something.

Not wanting to come off as a completely shallow tool, Hintze added in his statement that the "newly chubby" members could have their accounts reinstated should they lose the weight, the spare tires and muffin tops, and get voted back in by the other Rhodes Scholars... I mean Elitist Hotties. So far, out of the 5,000 tossed non-salad eaters only "a few hundred" have been allowed back in. (I guess ugly lingers.)

Who had the most expulsions? Once again, the US leads the pack. We had 1,520 get the boot, followed by the UK with 832 and Canada with 533.

To help the victims of this tragedy, I'm doing my part by attending the inevitable nationwide candlelight vigils and handing out copies of Richard Simmons' Sweating to the Oldies to any banned member wishing to regain their elite status. It's the least I can do.