Mall Santas. Think their job is just sitting on their butt all afternoon, attended to by an army of high school girls in elf costumes, waiting to collect a check? Yeah, me too.

But a recent survey sheds a new (twinkling) light on this red-suited occupation. Members of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas (I swear I did not make that up) were asked about the joys of being Santa. The following are some of the highlights.

The average real-bearded Santa is 59-years-old, 5 feet 10 inches tall and a jolly 257 pounds.
30% have more than 100 kids sit on their lap every day.
More than 60% are coughed or sneezed on up to 10 times per day.
74% have up to 10 kids cry while on their lap each day.
Nearly 90% have their beard pulled all day long to see if it is real.
Almost 50% have up to 10 children try to pull their glasses off each day.
And finally: 34% have been peed on by a child.

Ever been peed on at your job? (Don't answer that.)