They're Funny. Functional. And Sexual. And you know you wanted one since the minute you saw it on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." (Clip below.)

It's the infamous Dick Towel (there's an uncensored pic here), the hottest holiday gift of 2009, featuring Tight Buns, and your choice of whether to display the Tiny Bird or the Huge Cock... depending on your mood, and who is nearby. Because, as Mac and Dennis, the makers of this terry cloth chick magnet, can attest: it makes chicks hot. And ready for sex. Which is why, if you've tried to get one recently, you found they've been sold out for weeks.

But fret not. I've got you covered like an all cotton after-shower wrap with male genitalia screened on it. I have 5 of these functional and collectible towels to give away. Which means Grandpa can have one to sport around the senior center. Dad can chase wife #2 around the house after his morning shower, and you can let your boss know what a huge dick he really is. I mean "has."

All you have to do for a shot at one of the five prized Dick Towels is enter your email address here. Then on Friday, December 18 I'll pick the lucky winners at random. And you'll have to beat the women off with a stick...

If you don't win, and still need help getting the ladies hot and ready for sex, you can go to www.DickTowel.com and order one for $19.95. While supplies last.