Sex outside of the bedroom can be the most memorable. (Sex outside of the house even more so, especially when you end up running half naked from the cops.) But something about sex in the kitchen has always been high on the Erotic Scale of Out-of-the-Bedroom Sexcapades. Even Hollywood has romanticized the act of kitchen coitus. Remember a pre-cosmetic-surgery Mickey Rourke seducing Kim Bassinger in the kitchen in 9 1/2 Weeks? And I never saw it (I swear), but I hear Like Water for Chocolate also has a memorable food-involved sex scene.

But is kitchen sex actually as romantic in "real life" as it is in the movies? Sure. But if you’re looking to have dinner with a bang (pun intended), understand that there are some hazards and pitfalls to watch out for. In the interest of making your kitchen counter encounter one she'll be telling her friends about, rather than the Emergency Room triage nurse, here are six "do's and don'ts" to keep in mind when the clothing, and dishes, start flying.

1- DON'T Attempt the "Aunt Jemima Treatment".
It may have worked for Bill Murray in the '80s movie classic Stripes, but propping your date up on the counter and prodding her with kitchen utensils most likely won't get you the same results that Bill got. Spatulas, whisks, slotted spoons, tongs... not exactly an erotic line-up. (More like stuff she sees at her doctor's office.) If you're looking for something extra to bring to the table, stick to the more traditional toys and equipment.

2- DO Keep an Eye on Any Open Flames, hot stove tops and/or pots and pans.
Hey, passion can strike anytime. And your girl may be getting hot the same time the oven is. But leaning back into a hot sauce pan or throwing her leg up on a red-hot stove top will put an end to the festivities quickly. So will a loudly beeping smoke detector set off by an unattended pot on the stove. Take a second to turn things off as she gets turned on.

3- DON'T Include Chili Peppers of Any Kind in Your Cooking.
Whenever you're cooking with hot peppers you need to constantly wash your hands because the juices from the peppers get on your fingers and will burn sensitive areas. The worst is rubbing your eyes inadvertently. Inevitably, you’ll make that mistake, and for ten minutes you’ll flail around the kitchen, thinking you’re going blind. If you think your eyes sting, imagine that burn in her "sensitive area". That's not what she meant when she said she wanted to "spice up your sex life".

4- DO Think Sweet, Light and Creamy.
As much as I’m up for a good vin-blanc or béarnaise sauce on my meal, I’m not up for dipping my privates in it. And neither is she. A creamy wine reduction is not the right approach. Keep it sweet, simple, and to a minimum. A little shot of whipped cream in the appropriate places works. A whole lot of thick syrup and she'll spend the next several hours trying to get it out of her hair. Think "seductive sundae" more than "stack of flapjacks".

5- DON'T Cook in the Raw.
Yeah, it sounds good in theory: the two of you naked, in the kitchen, doing a little cooking "au natural". But over the years, I’ve gotten countless burns, scrapes and cuts while cooking. And that was while being completely focused on just cooking. You're dealing with grease splatter, hot pans, sharp knives, boiling water, etc. Imagine how the potential for injury increases with a sexy, naked woman rubbing up on you, increasing your potential, if you get my drift. At the very least wear an apron around the dangerous stuff. (Both your dangerous stuff and the kitchen's.)

6- DON'T Forget Where Your Knives Are.
Spontaneity is the driving force of sex outside of the bedroom. It’s that lack of sensible planning and the uncontrollable force from below our belt that places us in those precarious situations that we tend to reminisce about for years after. But cooking requires knives. And sharp objects and exposed genitals do not mix. (Unless it involves shaving cream, a razor and a willing participant, but that’s a different discussion.)

Some ground rules need to be set regarding placement of hands and tongues (and any other protruding body parts you may be too fond of to part with), when any necessary chopping, dicing or slicing needs to be performed. I recommend that you prep as much of that as possible in the beginning, while clothes are still on and she’s still getting warmed up. Then clear the knives from any surfaces your "Little Chef" might ultimately end up near.

And above all remember: kitchen sex is only fun if all participants end the evening with all the same body parts they began it with.

Rocky Fino is a chef and author of “Will Cook for Sex – A Guy’s Guide to Cooking” and “Will Mix for Sex – 21 Classic Cocktails to Set the Mood”
www.willcookforsex.com