Guess what I got for Christmas? Besides the usual assortment of gifts, I got one of the nastiest head colds I have ever had. Sore throat. Headache. Burning eyes. Clogged sinuses. Achy everywhere. Bad.

So I left work early to come home and make my usual "feel better meal" - chicken soup and toast. As I'm waiting for the toast to pop I start thinking about all the toast gadgets I've been pitched lately that are all over the market right now: toasters that make designs in toast, ultra modern hi-tech toasters, I love toast t-shirts...

Maybe I'm just cranky from all the NyQuil cocktails, and the fact that no matter what I eat it feels like I'm swallowing sandpaper balls, but is there really a need for designer toast? Did I miss the memo saying toast is the new Hallmark card?

I can promise you this, you will never hear a story that starts: How did Daddy and I fall in love? Well, Molly, one day your father made me a slice of toast that had "You're Hot" burnt into it...

There is no faster way to involuntary celibacy than serving your chick a slice of toast with a smiley face on it. It's the breakfast food equivalent of wearing Spock ears to bed.

Resist the urge. Keep toast simple.